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Best of Yet Another Decade

I've had this blog now for over two years now, and it occurred to me.  Not all my readers have been with me all this time... some may have just started reading it last year... some may have just read the last post...

I'll tell you a secret... when I stumble upon something new to read, I'll read the last couple of articles... I won't read everything that has been written over the years... So, I shouldn't expect you guys to do the same thing (though it would be great if you did).

You know how when a singer has been around a few years, they'll come up with a 'best of' album... all their hits in one album... for those who haven't bought the older stuff... Sooooo... that's what I wanted to do.... The Best of Yet Another Decade.

I'll pick out some of my favourite posts and list them here for your reading pleasure.

Here's another secret I have... I never read what I write... I'll write, I publish, and I put the link up on twitter and facebook... that's why sometimes you'll find grammar and spelling errors... I just don't check.  So to come up with this list, I've actually got to read my own stuff... This stuff is quite good, if I say so myself...

So here's my top 8 favourite posts, in no particular order:

1. Listen to Me
2. Between Boxes and Sock Drawers
3. Doormat
4. Real Men Wear White
5. Great Powers
6. Investments
7. Settling
8. I Am What I Am

Darling, you're killing the romance...

I was listening to the radio yesterday on my way to work.  It was the 29th of February, so the topic of the morning show was obviously the leap year.  They mentioned that the 29th of February is also known as 'Bachelor's Day'.  I didn't bother to verify this fact since I believe everything I hear on radio...

Anyway, on Bachelor's Day, women are allowed to propose to their boyfriend.  If they reject the proposal, they have to compensate the girl.  So, the guys on the show (by the way, this was Pagi Rock Crew on FlyFm) asked the only girl of the trio, Nadia, how she would actually propose to a guy... see how romantic she could be.  Nadia's answer was that she would just ask him 'so you want to marry me, or not' (or something like that... let's just assume that I'm just going to paraphrase from now on).

Her rationale was that guys aren't romantic... so why bother being romantic when proposing to them.  Of course after that, there were a few women who called in to say the same thing... either all men are not romantic, or only bitter and disappointed women like to call in to the morning show.

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

For argument's sake, let's assume that women in general feel that the majority of men out there are incredibly un-romantic (is that even a word?).  Let's also assume that most men believe the same thing... it's what their partners have been telling them all this while, so it's got to be true.

So let's look at what being romantic is... textbook definition is 'inclined toward or suggestive of the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love'.  What the heck does that mean!?

It means you do something that makes the person feel loved, lah... simple, right?  No.

You see, different people have different ideas on what makes them feel loved... let's take a look at this hypothetical conversation between a loving couple:

Girl : Sugar-Pie-Honey-Bunch... I WUUUVVVVV You!!!

Boy : Err... I love you too...

Girl : You're not saying it right...  I WUUUVVVVV You!!!

Boy : I love you too...

Girl : WUV WUV WUV!!!!!!!!

Boy : Are you okay?  By the way, I've had a look at your tax returns and made some adjustments... you'll be getting a much higher amount back from the government.

Girl : You're not romantic!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!

Boy : I'm in trouble, aren't I?

What went wrong?  The problem we have here is a failure to understand each other's needs and concept of romance.  In this (totally made up... not all women are like that... don't hate me) example, the girl wanted to be all mushy when it comes to expressing her love... that is what she's expecting in return.  The guy on the other hand wanted to express his love for her by doing her tax return for her and making her some extra cash.  They both love each other, but are not on the same page.

Lets go back to the definition of romance... the layman one that I gave... to be 'romantic', you have to make the other person feel loved by your actions.  There are no hard rules pertaining to what actions work... you have to get to know your partner and learn how to pull on their heart strings...

A couple of days ago, a friend posted on Facebook that he just booked a vacation to a place that he's gone to several times and he finds boring.  The only reason he's going there is because his wife loves the place.  Minus the fact that he told everybody this on a social network, he was being very romantic.  He was willing to make the sacrifice so that his wife will be happy.  That's romance...

I know of women who cook the same boring set of dishes every day even though they cannot swallow another bite of it... the reason is the husband loves those dishes... again, true romance.

Romance isn't defined by the products that are provided by the gift and flower industries... it's defined by how well you know your partner, and how far you're willing to go to make that person feel and know how much love you have for them.

Now let's try that conversation again:

Girl : I got you a bouquet... of tickets to Old Trafford (or Anfield, or whatever....)

Boy : Oh my darling sweetheart... my reason for living... Thank you soooooooo much!!! I WUUUVVVVV You soooooooooooo much!!! muah muah muah muah.... and one more for good luck... mmmmmmuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

Girl : I love you too... now let's work on our tax returns together...

Happy New Year?

This is the first post for me for the year 2012...

Not to worry... my new year's resolution for this year was to procrastinate as much as possible...  I think I've done a good job.

To tell you the truth, I have been busy these past couple of months... and whatever time I have, I spend it in an almost comatose state... I have overstretched my mind and body.  I look at my face in the mirror and it looks like I haven't slept in a week.  I certainly do feel like it.

So how's 2012 been treating me?  Feels exactly the same as 2011.  (That was anti-climactic)

My life has been full though... my son started primary school.  Now that's an entire blog post, right there.  So I won't spend time writing about it here.

I did go on a vacation. Went to Hat Yai with my family ++.  Note that there's a "++" there... total there was almost 40 people that went... I don't talk about vacations here... this is not a travel blog (I wonder if I would get more readers if I did do travel reviews?).

Other than that it has been work, traffic jams, sleep, tv, eating...

Not much for the first post of the year, right?

If you've actually been following this blog, you would know that I always have this short type of post whenever I've been absent for a long time... it's my 'excuse for not writing' post...

Now on to the new stories...

Heart Plans

It’s Boxing Day and here I am on a flight to Penang… I’ve got a meeting early tomorrow morning.  I’ve decided to give my boss the day off so he can spend Christmas with his family.  (Now I dictate my boss’ schedule, it seems).

So what am I doing blogging…? Well, the flight attendants are never around long enough for me to hit on them… so what else could I do?  I might as well write.

I probably won’t get this post online until tomorrow when I’m back in KL, but at least it will keep my mind occupied.

So what do I have to say about air travel?  Absolutely nothing.  Now everybody flies all the time.  That’s nothing worth writing about.  So I’m going to write about something else… relationships… (do I ever have a different topic?)

Image: Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anyway… recently my friend was planning out his life… trying to ascertain where he is in his life and when he can possibly share his life with a partner… In other words, he was trying to figure out whether he should get married.

So he came out with a chart… a proposal… business plans… peer reviews… and all sorts of official looking documents.  Another friend was with us at the time and asked me, ‘so, did you do all these charts when you decided to get married?  My answer was quite simple…

‘No, I knew what I wanted.’

Here’s the thing with me.  I do believe that everything should have a plan and your decisions should be based on actual facts and figures… that’s how I do things at the office… that’s how I plan most of my life…  except for matters of the heart…

To me, matters of the heart are things that are totally unquantifiable.  How could you quantify how much you love a person and how much you yearn to spend the rest of your life with them?  Let me give you another example.

I have many friends who really try to plan when to have kids… they look at finances, work schedules, availability of a home in a good neighbourhood, baby sitters… all this planning takes place before they even have sex!!   Now where’s the fun in that?  Could you imagine the conversation that takes place then?

Husband : I believe we should copulate tonight…

Wife : Are you sure about that?  What is the rationale behind this decision?

Husband : Well, I have just secured a $5mil project that is set to roll out within the next quarter of this year.  The bonus I would receive would be enough to start and education fund for our future child.  My travel schedule for the project would mean I would be home nine months from now so I can attend your delivery of the abovementioned child

Wife : That’s excellent news.  I’ll check my body temperature to see if it’s suitable for coitus. 

Huh!?

The heart should get what the heart wants… the conversation should be like this:

Husband : wink wink
Wife : wink
(censored)

You shouldn’t deny what the heart yearns due to budgets, timing, etc.  Just do it.  You then plan your financials and schedules around those ‘heart plans’… When it’s something from the heart you will be able to meet those tight deadlines and budgets for sure.  You’ll work harder at it because you future happiness is at stake.

‘Ladies and Gentleman, we are about to land.  Please switch off your electronic devices like your laptop because you can’t upload the post to your blog now anyway.  Thank you for flying with us.’

I've Got an Excuse...

Ok, this time I've got a valid excuse... sort of...

I know I haven't updated my blog since my birthday.  But I've been busy... not the usual 'busy' that I always say when I am just procrastinating.  It's the real busy... with writing my book.

This whole time I've been trying to come up with the first chapter and the sequence of which I'm gonna put in some of my earlier blog posts... I've also looked at where I'm gonna have to do the re-writes for the blog posts that become chapters.  Also, gaps have to be filled.

In all this time, I've got a frame, and as of a couple of hours ago, my first chapter.

This is definitely not going to be the way I write my blog.  You see, I never read what I write.  I straight away publish it.  That's why sometimes you'll see atrocious grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, etc.  I write whatever comes to mind, and sometimes sentence structure suffers.

This time, I'm actually re-reading everything while I write.  I have to if it's going to be more than the usual 600 words.  The whole thing has to make sense.

Anyway, the first chapter still needs a re-write.  Missing a lot of the usual spunk and humour.  I even feel that the first few paragraphs sounded like a script to a documentary.  I'll get to it later...

I wonder if I'll ever finish it, considering the fact that it has taken me years to get around to doing this....  let's hope I really get into my groove...

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me... Happy Birthday to Me... Happy Birthday to Yet Another Decade!! Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Yes, it's that time of year again.  My birthday.  I'm 32 this year...

This also means that it's the 2nd year anniversary of "Yet Another Decade"... I know those of you who look at the tiny details will say that it hasn't been two years since I started the blog... BUT, I did plan on starting it when I turned 30... and it's the intentions that matters... right?

Anyway, it's been a really great year for me... I won't dwell too much on that, since I've already written about it in a post called "As Luck Would Have It..."... (at least in the first paragraph)...

This year I've decided to go into hiding during my birthday... this is to avoid any situations that would somehow screw up my birthday... so far, I've had a great time doing absolutely NOTHING... I guess for a person that cannot stand still, doing nothing is a very welcomed rest.

This birthday is not so much about celebration... it's about being thankful for all the great things that happened to me in this one year...  I started it on a bad note (no, I'm not going to tell you guys what happened).  But in retrospect, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I would like to thank my friends and family who have been there for me this year... without all of you, I'm sure I would be a bitter 30-something guy who hates the world... but instead, I'm happy to be 32 this year... with a heart that's 21... and looking forward to year number 33.

Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 3

If you're already here at Lesson 3, then you should really look into where you get your relationship advice... I'm not saying you shouldn't read this blog, or shouldn't buy the book when it comes out (if it ever comes out)... I'm saying that every relationship is different.  There is no hard and fast rule about what the logical next step should be.  You should always go with whatever your heart says when it comes to a relationship... of course, if you've been single for the past decade, then a little help from this guide couldn't hurt.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Assuming that your first date went well, then the both of you are probably gonna give it a try... so now, you're actually 'seeing' someone.  I wouldn't start putting lables like "dating, couple, boyfriend, girlfriend, love interest" and etc just yet... you've just gotten past the first date... now take it nice and slow... what's your rush?

It baffles me when some of my friends go out with somebody once, and already considers that person their boyfriend/girlfriend... I feel like that's way to fast... being a couple requires commitment.  How could you possibly decide to commit to somebody after just one date?

I know, to each his own... you might argue that sometimes you can feel like that person is 'the one'... if it wasn't possible, than how would I explain 'love at first sight'?

I know I've written about this 'phenomena' before... can't remember where... but the gist of it is that I don't believe in such things... there's 'infatuation at first sight', 'horny at first sight', 'like at first sight'... but no such thing as 'love at first sight'... love requires understanding somebody, trusting them, letting them see you at you lowest lows and highest highs... how do you get all that from one date?

Anyway, these next few weeks or months will be the time that you both get to know each other a little better... don't try too hard.  You might be tempted to buy gifts for the other person, or leave cute notes, or send nude pictures of yourself... go ahead, but do only what you feel is something you can do for the rest of your life.  You do not want to 'wow' the other person, but when you're in fully committed relationship with them, you stop doing it... that will just ruin things between you two at a time when it means a lot more to be together.

Also, don't be a lazy bum... I know some people say 'you should love me for who I am'... but that's really pushing your luck.  If you care for a person, you would make some concessions or sacrifices.  Again, these are things you can do for the rest of your life...

Confusing, right?  Do something for the other person, but don't do too much, or too little... Unfortunately, there's no way to quantify this.  You have to find a balance that's comfortable to both of you.  You don't want to leave the other person wanting, nor do you want to suffocate them.

It's a fine balance that you have to achieve... and that's why not all relationships work out... you don't find that balance... trying to figure out that balance early before you commit is the key... of course, most of us ignore the signs... we then get into a fully committed relationship, and somewhere down the line, break up.  It's the need in society to label people as a 'couple' that makes us rush into things... it's like reading the first chapter of a book, then skipping right to the last one... we have no idea what happened in the story.  How are you supposed to make a decision on whether the book was good?

So where do you go from here?

If you can't find that balance, go to Lesson 1
If you can find that balance, go to Lesson 4

Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 2

You're on a roll now, aren't you?  You were cool... you were smooth... you got the first date.

Now some of you might be thinking that this is more of for guys... I talked about how to approach the target, how to get the first date, etc... if you think that, then you're living in the 1920's... women won the right to work, the right to vote... now they have the right to ask guys (or girls, depending on their orientation), out.

Now back to the first date.

You might want to avoid a movie... you see, I used to do that... I meet a girl that I want to get to know, so I ask her out and take her to see a movie... big mistake!

Why is it a big mistake?  You see, the first date is all about judging whether or not you two (or three and above... again, depending on your orientation) actually click together... if you're going to pursue a relationship, you have to know if that person is fun to talk to, interesting, have an annoying laugh, chews with their mouth open, etc.  The problem with a movie is that... well... you both just stare at the screen.  That's two hours into the date that you spend without talking to each other.

I've got a story... (of course I do)... this happened a long time ago... I asked this girl out and we went to see a movie.  First problem : there was really nothing good playing, but because somewhere in my head, it's customary to go see a movie on a first date, I bought tickets to 'Kull The Conqueror'.  I'm not saying that it was a bad movie, because I don't do movie reviews here on this blog.  But it was really bad.  Now, during the movie, I couldn't defend my choice of movie because, well, can't talk during a movie.

To make matters worse, I kept on having to go to the gents.  The girl seriously thought that I was so nervous about the date that it caused the frequent trips to the gents.  In actual fact, I've got a small bladder... but there was no way of correcting the facts (though bladder issues aren't the best conversation topics on dates) because we had to be quiet during the movie...

So, two hours into the first date, she thinks I've got bad taste in movies and I'm nervous till I have to pee.  Not exactly the best impression.

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For the first date, it's best to stick with a situation where you can talk in a relaxed environment... a simple meal or coffee would be great... this way, you spend the critical first few hours getting to know each other... that's what the first date is all about...

Oh yeah, before I forget, I should remind you to NOT BRING YOUR FRIENDS.  The first date is all about getting to know each other... not your friends.  Plus, you don't need extra judging eyes at the table.  Two pairs are more than enough...

It's best to keep the first date as simple as possible... don't think too much about the implications... after all, it's just the deciding factor of whether or not you're going to give a relationship a chance... errr... well... might be a bit important.

Now, get yourself on that first date... after that, you'll have to decide whether you can proceed to Lesson 3, or head back to Lesson 1.

Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 1

I was complaining the other day (okay, I complain most days) about how I haven't started writing my book and began my career as a starving artist... (now, I'm just a starving consultant)... my problem is I haven't decided what to write about... so my friend tells me to write a bunch of short pieces about relationships, just like this blog.

Sounded like a good idea because I'm really horrible at relationships... but as they say, 'Those who can, do.  Those who can't, teach'... So this leads us to the subject of this post... I'm going to write a series of posts about what dating is... a step by step guide on the do's, don'ts and the wtf's... after that I'll put it all into a book.

Of course the book will be the full version, with more goodies inside (I'm going to resort to putting marijuana samples inside to boost sales... plus I'm pretty sure it's more fun to read if you're stoned)... that way, you'll still want to go out and buy it...

Class, our first lesson is...

Lesson 1 : Getting Your Foot in the Door

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First impression is always the most important.  You don't want to look like a total moron, unless of course the 'target' likes morons... (you'll be surprised at how many people fall for moronic behaviour... I have a 'pizza hut' story which would serve as a perfect example, but won't share it with you guys until after I tell the story during the couple's wedding).

You want to be cool, but not winter type of cold... reminds me of what happened to me the first week I entered university... we were all lining up to register for something... everybody was dressed in old t-shirts, jeans and sandals... I decided to go all with a more stylish look...

I can't really remember what I was wearing, but I do remember the sunglasses (it was sunny, and we were outside).  I was in my "I'm cool and I don't give a damn what you think" phase (that phase lasted about two weeks).  There were three girls behind me... one was hot and the other two were not bad...

So the hot one starts talking to me... imagine three girls with an "OMG! He's so cool!" look and me with the most arrogant facial expression you've ever seen...

Hot Girl : hi... you're Syam, right?

Me : yeah...

Hot Girl : i'm (name1) and this is (name2) and (name3)

Me : hmmm...

Hot Girl : you're from XX college, right?

Me : yup...

Hot Girl : so your taking YY course, right?

Me : yup...

As you can see from this example, I was a total ass... unable to have a simple conversation... suffice to say, I did not end up with Hot Girl... in fact, never spoke to her ever again, though I did see her around...

There is of course the very opposite end of the spectrum on how to 'break the ice' with that target of yours... people like somebody funny... you have to admit that you are more comfortable with a person if he's easy going, cracking jokes... releases all the tension...

I have an example... (of course I do...).  This happened a long time ago... my friend told me of his experience in trying to get a date with this hot older girl... it wasn't his idea... he had a bunch of friends responsible for that decision.

Anyway, he goes to the convenience store and get a mini candy bar... Cloud 9, for those who remember it.  Not a whole candy bar, but a mini one.  Then he goes up to her while she was with all her friends... daring... and he immediately goes into this speech... (the speech was in Malay, but I'll give the loose translation instead)... now imagine the goofiest looking 17 year old going up to a hot older girl who's hanging out with her friends...

Friend : XX
Hot Older Girl : yes?
Friend : Please accept this candy bar as a token of my love for you... I know that it is not much of an offering for you deserve so much more, but it is everything that I can give right now... and everything is what you'll get from me if we are together... would you like to go out with me?
Hot Older Girl : hahahahahahaha... okay...

It was original... it was funny... so she said yes... (by the way, they never went out... a few minutes later, she saw my friend being carried around like a conquering hero by his friends for getting a date with her... she was not amused)...

There's many different ways for you to get the attention of the one you like... there's really no set formula on what works best.  My best advice to you is to be yourself.  If you were to start with a fake personality, then you have to continue faking it for the entire relationship... either that or disappoint the other person when they find out that you are not the same person that they initially liked...

There's always something good about every person... and there is at least one person out there who will see it during the first meeting... so relax, be yourself, and get your foot in the door.

Silent Voices

I was going through my blog just now... I still can't figure out how to fully configure the template to get it just the way I want it to be... this is what happens when you have basic IT knowledge, but yet you want to reach the masses through the virtual world.

That was a boring introduction, wasn't it?  Let's try again.

I was going through my blog just now... it's amazing what I read between the lines... you see, this blog is about my opinions at different stages of my life... I may give you, my readers, a peak into other people's lives, but hardly ever is it into mine.  I can't tell you about me some of the events that I go through... that would be an invasion of my privacy (though it would be weird that I invaded my own privacy).

There were very significant events in my life in these past two years that I've kept this blog, but unfortunately I don't share them with you.  I'll save it for my future best selling autobiography.

There are two different types of people in this world... the type who like to talk about their lives and those who don't.  I would have to be the former... I do like to tell my stories... though who I tell it to depends on what type of relationship I have with them.  If it's a client, then I wouldn't tell them anything more than who I work for... with close friends, even the smallest details like how I felt at that moment.

Whatever it is, I still feel the need to talk to someone about everything... I need to share my happiness and my grief... I can't keep everything bottled up inside... it would probably drive me insane...

What's scary are those people who do not like to talk about themselves... they keep their problems all bottled up.

Image: savit keawtavee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I was an undergrad, I had this one friend.  We weren't very close.  She was my age.  One night she got really sick... she couldn't move.  So, we rushed her to the hospital.  Turned out to be 'blood poisoning'.  They couldn't pinpoint how it happened so they let her go.

Several years later, I found out that she tried to kill herself.  It made sense now.  That time when she 'sick' was actually a suicide attempt.

I don't know what was bothering her, but it drove her to that... I don't know what she's up to now, but I do hope that she's found somebody that she can talk to about her problems.

We don't live alone in this world.  There's always somebody there to talk to.  You might not have the family or the friends, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and willing to help.

I know that this is a dark topic, which is a rarity for my blog.  But it has to be said.  Exam season is upon us and it is really sad when you read about a school kid committing suicide because of the pressure.

If you are uncomfortable about talking to someone, then write a blog...

If you need help, there are several organisations that can help.  One that I know of is Befrienders Worldwide.  Their website is www.befrienders.org.my (for Malaysia).

Cold War

This morning, I read something interesting on facebook... it was my friend's status...

Yes, in this new age, I get my inspiration for writing from facebook status messages... to tell you the truth, that's all I have time to read nowadays...

Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anyway, the status read like this (of course I'm paraphrasing, because I don't want to pay royalty) : if you and your partner were in the middle of a 'cold war', would you make the effort to patch things up, or would you wait for the other person?

I say you should wait it out and make the other person SUFFER!!

I'm just kidding... since when have I been so cruel?

There are actually a few ways at looking at this predicament...

1. If you ignore something long enough, it will go away by itself... now, I have always been a firm believer in "I don't know how, but things have a way of working itself out"... It's actually the lazy man's solution to everything.  Amazingly, in some cases, it does work out for the best.  The problem is whether you are willing to take that risk.

An example of this would be a growth on your neck which keeps on getting bigger... you can wait for it to go away by itself, but most likely, you will die.

You must be able to weigh the situation, and use this method only if the risks are negligible... there are 'problems' in a relationships for which this applies... for example, a partner who wouldn't take out the trash when you ask them to... how long could it possibly last? A day at most?  Plus, they'll learn a smelly lesson...

By the way, I've tried this method with my credit card bills... doesn't work.

2. Some things are better left unsaid... put it this way... you've agreed to disagree... of course, this is not the ideal solution to a problem, but sometimes it can't be avoided.  There is no point in trying to have the last say about the situation.

But... (of course there's a 'but'), both of you need some time sort things out internally... you need the time to evaluate the effects of the disagreement on your relationship.  This takes time, and is usually done with the usual 'silent treatment'... of course, when you both decide that it's okay if neither of you win and you should move on, then the cold war ends... no effort required.

Please note that a move to patch things up early by either party will cause dissatisfaction from the other party for breach of terms of cease fire... (is this a blog or a legal document?)

3. Buddy, you've got issues... if you're here, then most probably you guys don't talk things out... so many things are left unsaid, and the issue festers inside.  This usually happens when one person has a big issue, and the other person has no idea... who's fault... obviously the former... What? You think everybody can read your mind?

Even though it may seem easier to 'not talk about it', it's better if you just have it out.  If you are ready to 'end the war', so to speak, but the other person is not and you have no idea why, force it out of him/her.  You might not like what you hear after that, but it's something that you have to listen to and deal with.

I have seen many situations where problems are swept under the rug in the relationship.  One day, a tiny issue comes out and it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back.  You'll feel like an idiot if your answer to 'Why did you guys break up?' is 'There were some issues but we finally broke up because she coughed while I was reading the newspaper.'

4. I need some lovin'... let's face it.  All of us need attention.  Some more than others.  Starting a cold war is just a means to an end.  You've got to learn to differentiate which ones are serious and which ones are just downright silly.

If your partner is being an ass and not talking to you for no good reason, then be the bigger person and give 'em some lovin'... candy, flowers, a night out, a lap dance... whatever tickles your fancy.  Careful though... if it turns out to be no. 2 or no. 3, then you might just incur the wrath of your partner.  So be absolutely sure of the situation before putting on that thong and strutting your stuff...


All things said and done, I strongly believe that the whole cold war/silent treatment thing is just a waste of valuable relationship time.  Your time on earth is very short, and the time you have with a loved one is even shorter.  Make every second count, for you'll never know when you might lose it all.

As the saying goes... "make love, not war"...

You're a Big Boy Now...

It has finally happened.... my son is ashamed of me... not that I've done anything that he should be ashamed about... at least, nothing that he would understand at his age... but the usual shame of having your dad there at school in front of your friends...

Actually this has been going on for a while now, but I haven't gotten around to writing about it...

Anyway, my son is six years old... pre-school... at home he's the most loving and manja kid in the world... we would read together, watch tv together, play video games together, etc... always with the hugs and kisses... but at school... hmmm....

I have resorted to being the pathetic parent that can't seem to get enough of their kid... the other day I sent him to school.  He had some sort of pot luck event, so I helped him carry the food to his classroom... he was cool about it, even let me hold his hand all the way to his class.  When we got to his class, I whispered to him "can I have a kiss?"... he actually had an annoyed expression on his face.  But being the good son that he is, I got my kiss, though it probably embarrassed the heck out of him.

I know, I know... this happens to every parent... kids grow up, and parents are not cool.  But I thought I had at least until secondary school...

My son does seem to grow up too fast, and I only have myself to blame... you see, I've always spoken to my son like he's an adult... I answer his questions with full scientific explanations, I provide him with the rationale behind all my rules, I have never used 'baby-talk' with him, etc... don't get me wrong.... I never deprive him of my love... it's just that I'm very straightforward... here's an example of me 'disciplining' him...

Me : have you finished your homework?

Harith : ... not yet...

Me : what are you waiting for?

Harith : but I'm tired...

Me : concentrate on it and get it over with...  then you can rest...

Harith : but there's so much to do...

Me : fine... you don't have to do your homework.  but you better be willing to face your teacher tomorrow without your homework done.

Harith : ok, ok... I'll finish it....

I've hardly ever raised my voice and I've never hit him... and what do I get for that? AN ADULT SON!!

I guess I shouldn't complain... he's extremely well behaved compared to other kids out there who reinforce my dislike for kids... 

I just wish I had a few more 'baby' years with him... soon he'll be a teenager, then get his degree... find a job, get married and have a family of his own...

I know what I'm gonna do... show up at his office and give him a kiss... ;)

Selamat Hari Raya!

I know, I know... I even missed the last day of Raya. What did you expect? I love to procrastinate! :P

It's the thought that counts, right?

Anyway, from the Board of Directors (me), Management (me) and Staff (me) of Yet Another Decade, we (I) would like to wish all our (my) Muslim readers a Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

As Luck Would Have It...

I've had a string of good things happening to me the last few months... I've been brought back to KL, I've been given the opportunity to head up something new in the company, I've been promoted at work, I've had a chance to catch up with old friends who I've missed during all that time I was in Penang, my son is doing well in preschool, I had a great vacation with some friends, I had a great vacation with my family, I've had a chance to try new things that I've always wanted to such as bungee jumping, go-kart, paintball... the sun is shining, weather is great when I'm outside, it rains only when I'm inside, and rainbows are everywhere...

As you can see, I've been a happy camper...

But there must always be two sides to a coin... and when it rains, it pours... let's see what I've been going through lately...

1. sprained my wrist and left it for two weeks... suddenly couldn't move my wrist without experiencing extreme pain... have been wearing a wrist brace for the last few days

2. the parking management at my office had some mix up and took down my reserved signage... people kept on taking my space whenever I went out for an appointment...

3. haze in KL triggered my asthma... have been walking around with a ventolin inhaler for the past few days...

4. an old summons wasn't on the online system for the past 2 days... suddenly I get blacklisted and I only found out 2 days before my driver's license expires... only managed to get my license renewed a few days after it expired

5. got into a car accident yesterday... my foot slips and hits the accelerator while stopped at a traffic light... and so happens the car was in drive...

6. there was intermittent blackouts in my neighbourhood yesterday... I bought candles and fresh batteries for the flashlight... and when I changed the batteries, the light bulb in the flash light burns out...

That's a list of the things I can remember... I'm sure there are smaller things that I didn't notice...

I was stressed out about the string of 'bad luck' that I've been having lately... it seemed like it would never end... but then something happened this evening... actually it started this morning...

This morning I took the guy I hit to the workshop to get a quote on how much the repairs on his car would cost... he could take half a day off work to get it done... turns out that the repairs would take the whole day... he couldn't take the whole day off because he had tonnes of work, but also because he just joined the company two months ago... so, since he was working in downtown KL, I decided to drop him off on my way to work, and then pick him up and take him to his car after work... after all, the accident was definitely my fault...

So the day went by without any 'incidences'... and sent him to his car... he was happy with the work the workshop did... he's happy that I helped him get to work and home... he even got some career advice for his wife who wants to change jobs...

So this is what I realized... it's not about how many bad things happen to you... it's how you deal with out... you can either choose to be in a bad mood and curse the awful luck, or you can make the best out of the situation and come out of it with a smile...

I know what I did for the guy wasn't much... after all, I was the root of his problems... but the fact that I helped to ease somebody's burden made me feel better about my life... I have a lot of good things going on in my life, and I'm able to share that with a total stranger... and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I didn't have my string of bad luck that led to the accident.

I know my 'theory' is kinda shaky... but if you learn to look at the silver lining to every cloud, then you would generally be a happier person... and who wouldn't want that...

I'm feeling lucky... Genting, anyone?

I Am What I Am

Ideally, in love, you should accept the person for what he/she is… what makes love different than any other type of relationship is that it’s unconditional.

Take for an example the professional relationship you have with your boss. It’s based on your ability to provide a certain amount of work based on the amount of salary you get. If you don’t perform, you don’t say to your boss “but that’s the way I am, and you have to accept these shortcomings”… that would just get you one step closer to being fired…

From an initial observation, it would certainly seem that love is the best type of relationship… you don’t have to change… correct?

If that’s what you think, then you must be delusional…

Have you never heard of all those sappy love songs that go on and on about being a better person because they are in love? (an example of which is All 4 One’s “Better Man”). They all tell you that because you’re in love, you want to be a better person… because your loved one deserves an even better person than you already are.

But wait a minute… I thought that if you’re in love, then the other person will accept you for who you are, no matter how awful of a person you are… I bet Hitler’s wife loved him even though he did many bad things… So what’s the deal here? Are you supposed to change even though you don’t have to?

Here’s my two-cents worth (it may be worth less than that because I don’t seem to make any money off this blog)… just because you don’t have to change, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to be a better person… if being a better person will make your loved one happier, than why not do it?

Of course, whether you succeed in being a better person or not is secondary… the fact that you try makes all the difference… if you end up a failure when it comes to changing, then your loved one will accept you for who you are… but if you don’t care what your loved one thinks about you, and you don’t try… well, then it just makes you a total loser… a person who doesn’t even try…

Let me give you an example… (since I’m also quite confused with what I’ve written…)

Let’s say you have only passed secondary school… you work as a clerk, earning very little… you meet the girl of your dreams and you want to start a family… so you start thinking about how you will be able to support this family… you can:

a) a) Do absolutely nothing about it, and just tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

b) b) Go take night classes and earn your degree, get a better paying job and make your life together a bit easier…

c) c) Go take night classes, fail and still be in the same situation as before… so you tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

Now, I’m sure your loved one will love you regardless of which option happens… but option a) will surely piss them off… option c) would mean that you are stuck, but at least the person tried their best… and then it makes sense for them to love you, even though you are a failure… because that’s who you are…

It all comes down to whether you put in an effort or not... after all, love, like everything else in life, is something you work at...

So are you a failure or a loser?

3, 2, 1... Bungeeeeee

People always say that in order to get over your fears, you have to face it dead on. I have a fear of heights... I can't even get on a step ladder to change a light bulb without freaking out a bit...

So, I tried something extreme to get over my fear... bungy jumping.

Here's a video...

As you can see, I was scared out of my mind... but I still did it anyway. It was WICKED!

I guess that's the attitude that you have to take in life. There will always be things that you will be afraid of in life. But if you don't take the plunge (in my case, quite literally), you might be missing out on the possibility of something good in your life.

By the way, I'm still afraid of heights... I guess I'm going sky diving next...

Lack of Grief

Earlier this week, I had to deal with a death in the family… my aunt (my dad’s younger sister) passed away. She’s been sick for quite a while, so her passing wasn’t a surprised at all. I did get a chance to visit her in the hospital a few days before it happened, and it didn’t look good. I won’t go into the details out of respect for the family.

What I am going to talk about is how I feel about death… here it is… I feel nothing. I do admit that it’s sort of weird… ok, it’s more than weird… I noticed this many years ago. Whenever there was a death in the family, I didn’t feel the usual grief. At that time, my uncle (my dad’s elder brother) passed away.

It wasn’t like I didn’t care about him or he didn’t care about me. In fact, he was quite nice to me. I remember the first time my parents went for their Hajj. He was the first of my relatives to call and check up on me to make sure I was doing ok, since it was the first time I was going to be home alone for an extended amount of time.

But losing a caring uncle didn’t do anything to me… I thought back about when I lost my maternal grandfather, and then my paternal grandmother… again, nothing… since then, there have been a few more deaths in the family, without any emotional effect on me.

This makes it impossible for me to relate to a friend who has suffered a lost… when one tells me that they have lost a loved one, I take a lot of time trying to figure out the right words to console them, since I have never had the need for such words.

I know it’s weird… most people would agree it’s weird… well, only one person doesn’t think it’s weird… one of my friends say that it’s a good thing… that I accept death as part of life… that death is expected. I sort of agree with that…. But I would like to add the fact that, yes, death is expected… so you make the most of the time you have with those you love and care for.

To tell you the truth, this time around, things were a bit different. I’m not saying I’m totally cured of my insensitivity… but my aunt’s passing got me thinking.

You see, my aunt was a very nice person… in fact, I can’t think of a single incident in my whole entire life when she was not a nice, polite and caring person… I used to spend quite a lot of time at her house when I was younger, so I would say that I had a front row seat. Her kids all loved her, and spent a lot of time with her, even though they all have their own families now. They were all calm when she passed… I’m guessing it’s because they have no regrets about their relationship with their mother.

So back to what I was thinking… have I made sure that I won’t have any regrets when a loved one passes?

As I’ve written before in a previous post, I’m not exactly the poster boy for the concept of “a good son”… but I’m not just talking about my parents. This is about every relationship you have in your life… your immediate family and beyond…

Could I safely say that I can maintain this indifference towards death in the future? I doubt I can… to not feel grief would be a possibility… but to not feel remorse, now that’s going to be a challenge…

I'm not going to commit to a plan or anything... it's just something that needs to be pondered... and when the time comes, I hope I can do something about it...

Movin' Along

Bali was awesome!!

Wait up… did I mentioned the fact that I was going to Bali? Well, if I didn’t, then let me just tell you that… well… I went to Bali recently. (Thank you, Captain Obvious.)

We had a tour guide cum driver that made things much easier… seriously, I would have just gotten lost. All the roads look the same.

We did the whole t

ourist thing… visiting temples and landmarks… it was really lots of fun… for those who are on my Facebook, have a look at the pictures…

Anyway, one place that he took us to was the place where they shot “Eat, Pray, Love”. Well, we just had a look at it from on top of a hill. Ketut Liyer’s house is somewhere behind the yellow building in the picture… we didn’t actually go down because we had other places to see…

While I was looking at the place, it reminded me of the book… To tell you the truth, I’ve only attempted to read the book… I have the DVD, but never got around to watching it. The reason is, the story (the beginning part of it, at least) is so extremely depressing!

You see, Elizabeth went through a tough time in her life. She then went on this journey and wrote a book about it… for the book to have meaning, she would have to tell the reader what happened in her life. It’s not to say that everything mirrored my own life, but I could really relate to it.

There are events in my life that I’ve gone through which I would consider being a closed case… I’ve moved on, so to speak. But when I read the book, I started to relate the story to those same ‘closed cases’… and I ended up reopening those cases.

If they were happy memories, then I won’t mind a single bit. But these are things that I tried very hard at the time to move on from… and I thought I did. It turns out that I just merely forgot about it… focused my attention elsewhere. Those sad memories are still there, locked up in a little box at the back of my mind.

Now this got me thinking… have I ever actually moved on when a problem hits me? Or do I just forget? Is there even a difference?

I would have to say that to ‘move on’, you would have to be able to talk about the subject without feeling sad, depressed, remorse, etc… And I believe I can do that for most things from my past… but there are some things which continue to haunt me ‘till now…

Now don’t get me wrong… I don’t lose sleep over these things… it’s just that if it was ever brought up, then I would probably spend a good one week going over it again and again in my mind… then I forget… again.

I guess there are some skeletons that just remain in the closet your entire life… you have to gather enough strength to bring them out and bury them…

Got a shovel I can borrow?

Some Things Always Change…

I was downtown just now to get myself a new ‘baju melayu’… for those who don’t know what that is, it’s the traditional Malay outfit… mainly it’s used for special occasions nowadays, though some people still wear it on a daily basis.

I haven’t gotten a new one in years… in fact, the last time I had one made was when I got married. After that, I’ve just been reusing the few that I have… the reason is, well, I use it only twice a year. Kind of a waste of money to buy a new one every year… And the ones I get are not exactly cheap. I always get mine tailor made out of satin, at the same tailor I’ve been going to since I was small. And that’s not even including the ‘samping songket’ that goes along with it… I’m not that good at explaining things like that so here’s the wiki link for it à http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baju_Melayu

The reason I needed to get a new one for this year is because I’ve gained weight… for those who know me personally, I’m pretty sure you are all asking “what weight”? Well, I have… in all the wrong places… it’s one of those things (along with losing my hair) that I’ve always dreaded… my waist is now 33”… now that doesn’t sound bad, but consider the fact that I used to have a 28” waist…

I would like to say that the extra inches are from my ‘two-pack abs’ which has grown because of my time in the gym… let’s give it a good 2”… the rest, I’m afraid is flab!!

My day didn’t end there… I went for lunch at this biryani place on Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman… I’ve always liked the food there… and I haven’t been there in years… I would never pass up a chance to eat there whenever I was in the area…

Guess what? The food wasn’t as good as I remembered it! And the portions seem to have gotten smaller… I used to feel light headed after eating there because I ate too much… today, I was even a bit hungry afterwards…

I know you must be thinking that it’s because of my larger appetite nowadays… but seriously, it’s the size of the portions…

So there you go… in one day, two things that I didn’t think were ever going to change… well… changed…

In this fast paced world, change is of course inevitable… it’s the buzzword in the corporate world… heck, part of my job is change management… We know we need change, we know we need to change, but are we really prepared?

Of course it’s easier to say that we are in the workplace… we’ve got process flows, charts, diagrams, subject matter experts, consultants, market intelligence, blah blah blah… but what about in your personal life? Are you ready to deal with the changes there?

Take me for example… I used to smoke much more than I do now… could play sports once a year and have all the stamina required… heck, when I was playing softball during my undergrad days, I used to have a smoke with the pitcher at the end of innings… drove the coach nuts! But look at me now… I do smoke a lot less… but put me on a treadmill for more than five minutes, and I’ll be scrambling to find an oxygen tank… (actual words from me to my personal trainer at the gym : PLEASE!!! I’M DYING!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! *pant *pant).

We seem to never be ready for the changes in our personal life… you, as a person will change over time… the dynamics of your relationships will change over time… and you can’t expect things to always be the same. How many couples do you know used to be fun and outgoing, but now just sit at home and don’t mix around anymore…? How many couples do you know aren’t even together anymore?

We have to realize that change is not restricted to your professional life… if you don’t manage change properly at work, then at most is you take a few steps back in your career… nothing that you can’t get back… if you don’t manage change in your personal life, well… bonds relationships are harder to replace…

I really need to go to the gym...