Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 3

If you're already here at Lesson 3, then you should really look into where you get your relationship advice... I'm not saying you shouldn't read this blog, or shouldn't buy the book when it comes out (if it ever comes out)... I'm saying that every relationship is different.  There is no hard and fast rule about what the logical next step should be.  You should always go with whatever your heart says when it comes to a relationship... of course, if you've been single for the past decade, then a little help from this guide couldn't hurt.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Assuming that your first date went well, then the both of you are probably gonna give it a try... so now, you're actually 'seeing' someone.  I wouldn't start putting lables like "dating, couple, boyfriend, girlfriend, love interest" and etc just yet... you've just gotten past the first date... now take it nice and slow... what's your rush?

It baffles me when some of my friends go out with somebody once, and already considers that person their boyfriend/girlfriend... I feel like that's way to fast... being a couple requires commitment.  How could you possibly decide to commit to somebody after just one date?

I know, to each his own... you might argue that sometimes you can feel like that person is 'the one'... if it wasn't possible, than how would I explain 'love at first sight'?

I know I've written about this 'phenomena' before... can't remember where... but the gist of it is that I don't believe in such things... there's 'infatuation at first sight', 'horny at first sight', 'like at first sight'... but no such thing as 'love at first sight'... love requires understanding somebody, trusting them, letting them see you at you lowest lows and highest highs... how do you get all that from one date?

Anyway, these next few weeks or months will be the time that you both get to know each other a little better... don't try too hard.  You might be tempted to buy gifts for the other person, or leave cute notes, or send nude pictures of yourself... go ahead, but do only what you feel is something you can do for the rest of your life.  You do not want to 'wow' the other person, but when you're in fully committed relationship with them, you stop doing it... that will just ruin things between you two at a time when it means a lot more to be together.

Also, don't be a lazy bum... I know some people say 'you should love me for who I am'... but that's really pushing your luck.  If you care for a person, you would make some concessions or sacrifices.  Again, these are things you can do for the rest of your life...

Confusing, right?  Do something for the other person, but don't do too much, or too little... Unfortunately, there's no way to quantify this.  You have to find a balance that's comfortable to both of you.  You don't want to leave the other person wanting, nor do you want to suffocate them.

It's a fine balance that you have to achieve... and that's why not all relationships work out... you don't find that balance... trying to figure out that balance early before you commit is the key... of course, most of us ignore the signs... we then get into a fully committed relationship, and somewhere down the line, break up.  It's the need in society to label people as a 'couple' that makes us rush into things... it's like reading the first chapter of a book, then skipping right to the last one... we have no idea what happened in the story.  How are you supposed to make a decision on whether the book was good?

So where do you go from here?

If you can't find that balance, go to Lesson 1
If you can find that balance, go to Lesson 4