Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 3

If you're already here at Lesson 3, then you should really look into where you get your relationship advice... I'm not saying you shouldn't read this blog, or shouldn't buy the book when it comes out (if it ever comes out)... I'm saying that every relationship is different.  There is no hard and fast rule about what the logical next step should be.  You should always go with whatever your heart says when it comes to a relationship... of course, if you've been single for the past decade, then a little help from this guide couldn't hurt.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Assuming that your first date went well, then the both of you are probably gonna give it a try... so now, you're actually 'seeing' someone.  I wouldn't start putting lables like "dating, couple, boyfriend, girlfriend, love interest" and etc just yet... you've just gotten past the first date... now take it nice and slow... what's your rush?

It baffles me when some of my friends go out with somebody once, and already considers that person their boyfriend/girlfriend... I feel like that's way to fast... being a couple requires commitment.  How could you possibly decide to commit to somebody after just one date?

I know, to each his own... you might argue that sometimes you can feel like that person is 'the one'... if it wasn't possible, than how would I explain 'love at first sight'?

I know I've written about this 'phenomena' before... can't remember where... but the gist of it is that I don't believe in such things... there's 'infatuation at first sight', 'horny at first sight', 'like at first sight'... but no such thing as 'love at first sight'... love requires understanding somebody, trusting them, letting them see you at you lowest lows and highest highs... how do you get all that from one date?

Anyway, these next few weeks or months will be the time that you both get to know each other a little better... don't try too hard.  You might be tempted to buy gifts for the other person, or leave cute notes, or send nude pictures of yourself... go ahead, but do only what you feel is something you can do for the rest of your life.  You do not want to 'wow' the other person, but when you're in fully committed relationship with them, you stop doing it... that will just ruin things between you two at a time when it means a lot more to be together.

Also, don't be a lazy bum... I know some people say 'you should love me for who I am'... but that's really pushing your luck.  If you care for a person, you would make some concessions or sacrifices.  Again, these are things you can do for the rest of your life...

Confusing, right?  Do something for the other person, but don't do too much, or too little... Unfortunately, there's no way to quantify this.  You have to find a balance that's comfortable to both of you.  You don't want to leave the other person wanting, nor do you want to suffocate them.

It's a fine balance that you have to achieve... and that's why not all relationships work out... you don't find that balance... trying to figure out that balance early before you commit is the key... of course, most of us ignore the signs... we then get into a fully committed relationship, and somewhere down the line, break up.  It's the need in society to label people as a 'couple' that makes us rush into things... it's like reading the first chapter of a book, then skipping right to the last one... we have no idea what happened in the story.  How are you supposed to make a decision on whether the book was good?

So where do you go from here?

If you can't find that balance, go to Lesson 1
If you can find that balance, go to Lesson 4

One Year Later

I started this blog around the time of my 30^th birthday… it was supposed to document my life’s journey for the next decade. Now a year has almost passed. I’m turning 31 this month. So what have I learned within this one year?

1. People don’t read blogs which are not updated often – ok, that was definitely my fault. I got busy and in my down time, I couldn’t muster up the energy to turn on my laptop and start writing. Have to thank you guys though for being loyal and reading this stuff…

2. Men age like wine – when I was turning 30, I pretty much freaked out. I’ve always liked the fact that I looked younger than my actual age. I’ve been asked for ID at a club when I was 28-29. Suddenly, when I ask people how old they think I am, they started saying I was 30+! But then, I started noticing something… women respond better to older guys… I don’t know, maybe it’s something about the illusion of wisdom and stability that comes with age… and it’s not only with women. The appearance of youth in men worries people in the business world. It seems that the older you look, the more people trust you.

3. I am horrible at musical instruments – I’ve been trying to learn the guitar for the past year. Still stuck at the first few chords. My guitarist (who just happens to be my guitar teacher as well) shakes his head when he sees me play… he says I need to relax a bit more… by the way, I’ve also tried drums… just as bad…

4. I am getting worse when it comes to remembering names and faces – I really have to do something about this. I’ve had this problem since I can remember. It’s really getting out of hand now, since I deal with hundreds of people for work. This is an actual conversation that has happened when I went for a meeting –

Me : hi, I’m Hisyam from _________

Client : yes, I know… we’ve had meetings together before.

Me : oops…

5. I’ve learned to relax – one problem with being young is that you have all that fire in your blood. You take offence to everything little thing that people do to you (or sometimes it doesn’t even involve you, but you feel ‘morally’ obligated to give that person a piece of your mind). One thing I’ve learned is if you can forgive others for their trespasses, then your mind will be at ease. It’s not to say you won’t protect yourself, but if it’s already happened, then it’s a lesson learned, and you move on. I’m much happier in traffic (and the time just flies when you don’t care that other people are cutting queue), I’m happier with my family and friends, I’m happier at work… It’s not to say I’m a saint now, but I’m moving in that general direction.

6. Karma is a bitch, and she holds a grudge – I’ve seen a lot this year to make me believe that statement. Never hurt somebody on purpose… seems that the payback seems to double of what you put that person through. Have you ever noticed how people that get where they are by stepping on other don’t ever seem to be totally happy?

I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of other lessons I’ve learned throughout the year. Though I think it’s going to take me some time to figure those out… So I guess I'll end this post with ...

To Be Continued... (at my own leisurely pace, of course)