Darling, you're killing the romance...

I was listening to the radio yesterday on my way to work.  It was the 29th of February, so the topic of the morning show was obviously the leap year.  They mentioned that the 29th of February is also known as 'Bachelor's Day'.  I didn't bother to verify this fact since I believe everything I hear on radio...

Anyway, on Bachelor's Day, women are allowed to propose to their boyfriend.  If they reject the proposal, they have to compensate the girl.  So, the guys on the show (by the way, this was Pagi Rock Crew on FlyFm) asked the only girl of the trio, Nadia, how she would actually propose to a guy... see how romantic she could be.  Nadia's answer was that she would just ask him 'so you want to marry me, or not' (or something like that... let's just assume that I'm just going to paraphrase from now on).

Her rationale was that guys aren't romantic... so why bother being romantic when proposing to them.  Of course after that, there were a few women who called in to say the same thing... either all men are not romantic, or only bitter and disappointed women like to call in to the morning show.

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

For argument's sake, let's assume that women in general feel that the majority of men out there are incredibly un-romantic (is that even a word?).  Let's also assume that most men believe the same thing... it's what their partners have been telling them all this while, so it's got to be true.

So let's look at what being romantic is... textbook definition is 'inclined toward or suggestive of the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love'.  What the heck does that mean!?

It means you do something that makes the person feel loved, lah... simple, right?  No.

You see, different people have different ideas on what makes them feel loved... let's take a look at this hypothetical conversation between a loving couple:

Girl : Sugar-Pie-Honey-Bunch... I WUUUVVVVV You!!!

Boy : Err... I love you too...

Girl : You're not saying it right...  I WUUUVVVVV You!!!

Boy : I love you too...

Girl : WUV WUV WUV!!!!!!!!

Boy : Are you okay?  By the way, I've had a look at your tax returns and made some adjustments... you'll be getting a much higher amount back from the government.

Girl : You're not romantic!!!!!! I hate you!!!!!

Boy : I'm in trouble, aren't I?

What went wrong?  The problem we have here is a failure to understand each other's needs and concept of romance.  In this (totally made up... not all women are like that... don't hate me) example, the girl wanted to be all mushy when it comes to expressing her love... that is what she's expecting in return.  The guy on the other hand wanted to express his love for her by doing her tax return for her and making her some extra cash.  They both love each other, but are not on the same page.

Lets go back to the definition of romance... the layman one that I gave... to be 'romantic', you have to make the other person feel loved by your actions.  There are no hard rules pertaining to what actions work... you have to get to know your partner and learn how to pull on their heart strings...

A couple of days ago, a friend posted on Facebook that he just booked a vacation to a place that he's gone to several times and he finds boring.  The only reason he's going there is because his wife loves the place.  Minus the fact that he told everybody this on a social network, he was being very romantic.  He was willing to make the sacrifice so that his wife will be happy.  That's romance...

I know of women who cook the same boring set of dishes every day even though they cannot swallow another bite of it... the reason is the husband loves those dishes... again, true romance.

Romance isn't defined by the products that are provided by the gift and flower industries... it's defined by how well you know your partner, and how far you're willing to go to make that person feel and know how much love you have for them.

Now let's try that conversation again:

Girl : I got you a bouquet... of tickets to Old Trafford (or Anfield, or whatever....)

Boy : Oh my darling sweetheart... my reason for living... Thank you soooooooo much!!! I WUUUVVVVV You soooooooooooo much!!! muah muah muah muah.... and one more for good luck... mmmmmmuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

Girl : I love you too... now let's work on our tax returns together...