Settling

Imagine this… you walk into a store to buy a tv. You like brand A because it has features 1, 2 and 3… however it lacks features 4 and 5 which is available in brand B. Of course, there is no way to put both tv’s into a blender to get the perfect product… so you buy brand A because it meets most of your requirements… you convince yourself that you can live without feature 4 and 5… but how long can you live like that?

Okay, so features of a tv aren’t something that you would lose sleep over (unless you’re like me, with a slight case of OCD… if you have no idea what I’m talking about, read may past post called ‘Quirks’)… but the concept can be applied to your most important decisions, such as committing to a relationship, changing jobs, buying property, and so on…

I have this friend (my friends are interesting, aren’t they?)… she will be getting married this year. It will be her second marriage. I noticed that she wasn’t really excited about the wedding… in fact, she hasn’t made any preparations even though the wedding will be in less than a year… no dress fittings, no picking out of invitation cards… Just a firm date.

So I asked her why… according to her, it doesn’t really matter to her… plus she isn’t in love with the guy like she was with her first husband…

Now that threw me off… how could you marry somebody that you don’t really fully love? So, I pressed her for an explanation (I press people for explanations now? I’m starting to sound like a documentary).

She says that the guy meets ‘most’ of her criterion… he’s kind, he treats her well, he loves her like crazy, he’s good looking, blah blah blah… only thing lacking is the fact that she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her… oh yeah, and he’s not as tall as she would like him to be…

You would think that ‘lack of love’ would be a deal breaker for almost everybody, but not for my friend… she is willing to settle for this guy instead of waiting for a guy that she ‘really really loves’ but would then break her heart (her first husband comes to mind).

The general populace might not agree with the whole concept of ‘settling’ but we all do it in some shape or form… how many times have I heard my friends complain about their job, but never take an initiative to find a new one because the current one has great pay and benefits… and what about those who stay in really stressful relationships because they really love the person and that’s enough for them.

We do compromise on our demands because it’s almost never possible to get exactly what you want. How much you want to compromise though is the key… how much would it take for you not to lose sleep at night?

For me, I couldn’t do what my friend is doing… I’m not sure whether I’m not strong enough or I’m just too overly optimistic about having a fairy tale life. But whatever it is, I do wish my friend the best of luck and love in her upcoming marriage… you never know, fairy tales do come true…

So which tv should I buy?