Don't Quit Your Day Job

When I got back to KL, I sang at a friend's wedding. To tell you the truth, I wasn't fully prepared to sing. I thought it was gonna be a bunch of friends who will do the whole karaoke thing... turns out I was the only one PERFORMING!! There were no lyrics available! It's a good thing I sort of have the song memorized.

Please forgive the bad singing, as I was totally distracted the whole time with my friends (of which one of them was recording it.)

Enjoy!

Relocating... Relocating... Relocated.

I've got a good excuse for not updating this blog in a very long time... I've been really busy making arrangements to move back to Kuala Lumpur...

That's right... you heard right... I'M BACK, BABY!!

It's something that I've been looking forward to for a while now... it wasn't easy because I had to come home to something which would be a step forward in my career... and that's what they had waiting for me when it finally happened.

I've always thought that I would be 100% happy with leaving Penang. The place and I didn't get along... I'm just the most unluckiest person when I'm there... 3 traffic summonses, 1 surgery, 1 major viral infection, 1 accident, countless number of stomach flu cases, and way too many lonely nights...

But I wasn't 100% happy to leave. I was there for 19 months... during that time I did many things that I wouldn't have done if I was here in KL, busy as a bee. I was in a band, I wrote the lyrics for two songs (which my friend and I plan to record), I joined a gym, I hiked to a secluded beach, I had a barbecue on a beach, I wept when I visited an orphanage, I became a 'brother' in a Chinese wedding, I started to learn Hokkien, I bought my first guitar, I started this blog, and I forged bonds of friendship that will last a lifetime...

I have a group of friends in Penang that helped me get through my time there. Amazingly, we all met because we shared the same bad habit... we all smoked. We met at the smoking corner. It’s amazing how a bunch of people who just made small talk while smoking ended up as close as ‘brothers’... and we were the ‘brothers’ when one of them got married.

My last night there was quite depressing for me... we went out for drinks after work... and that final goodbye wasn’t as I imagined it... I always thought I would be smiling uncontrollably, but instead it was a bunch of sad faces... thank god my farewell party took place the weekend before, and there wasn’t a sad face in the bunch...

Of course, I also had other close friends there in Penang who weren’t in the ‘smoking section’... have to mention them as well, cause they also made my time in Penang memorable...

There are people out there who believe that they can survive on their own... they may be able to survive, but what is the point in achieving anything in life if you’ve got nobody to share it with. It’s not every day that you meet someone that would become your ‘BFF’... but if you’re lucky enough, then you’ll meet the right people when you need them most.

I guess I was lucky in Penang after all...

Some Things Never Change

I started this blog thinking that I would change as I get older... maybe be a little more laid back, a little more mature... but after a year of my 30's, I've realized that people don't change.

You are the same person you are now that you were when you were born. If you were happy when you were a kid, then you are most likely a bubbly person now. If you were boring as a kid... well, you get the picture...

I've found that I still have the same traits I had when I was a kid... I crave attention, I'm very sensitive, I have my mood swings, I have a lot of love to give and I require that love to be reciprocated. So much for becoming more mature, eh?

Don't start thinking how you've changed over the years... because you haven't. None of us do... we are creatures of habit. That's why people make the same mistakes again and again... you learn from your mistakes, but you are just driven to do it all over again.

This becomes a problem in relationships... we try to change our partners to suit our needs. We tell them how certain things are important to us, and they should make that change in their lives because you would do the same for them... that's what love is, isn't it? Sacrifice, give and take....

If you can't change yourself, then what makes you think you can change others?

Of course we try to cater to our partners... the most simple example would be to drop a bad habit like smoking... I've seen friends who 'quit smoking' because their partner doesn't approve... but give them a single opportunity, and they'll be puffing away like there's no tomorrow...

You can only change for yourself, not for others. We weren't built like that. Yes, we adapt... but are we totally happy with that adaptation? Or are we just lying to ourselves?

So here's my two cents... if you love a person, don't expect them to change for you... accept their 'shortcomings'... go ahead and be miserable... because your love for them would cancel out that misery...

Kind of depressing, don't you think? But if you've ever been in love, you know that love hurts...

Hehehe... I couldn't resist... this song's been stuck in my head for many years now.

There's got to be a point to this post, right... so here it is...

We are creatures of habit and will never change... you can try, but whether or not you'll be happy after changing is still up for debate. So just learn to love yourself.... cause no matter how awful you are, somebody loves you just the way you are...

Grief

I'm in one of my dark and gloomy moods... people around me have noticed it... they say I don't say much anymore, I'm often in a world of my own, I take way too long to answer questions... in other words, I'm the exact opposite of my usual self...

Something has obviously gone wrong in my life, and I'm trying to deal with it. I read about the 'five stages of grief' before this... so I kind of know what's going on. So in an effort to cheer myself up, I'm going to take a 'less than serious' look at the Kubler-Ross model... (by the way, the 'u' in Kubler has those two little dots on it, but I have no idea how to do that!).

The first stage of grief is denial... I LOVE this stage... what a better way to start things off by denying anything has ever happened? At this point, obviously things have not sunk in yet... as they say, ignorance is bliss!

Reminds me of story when I was in school... I was in the Interact Club (a junior version of the Rotary Club), and we volunteered to help out at the Malaysian Association for the Blind's family day. A few of us were in charge of the registration when this particular man arrived... when we asked him his name, he kept quite and went through the name list... he only told us his name when he couldn't find it in the list... after registration, he wouldn't accept any help to his seat, and decided to find it himself...

It's one thing to deny the fact that you've lost your job, or broken up with your partner... but to deny the fact that you're blind just takes it to another level... by the way, we let him be because none of us were blind and didn't know what he was going through...

Second stage is Anger... now this is fun... this is when you can blame everybody but yourself... nobody gets spared... if you get lung cancer from smoking, you'll probably blame the government for not outlawing the sale of tobacco... it's just nice to have somebody to blame, don't you think?

Stage number three - bargaining... you'll start to give up your believes and ideals to get back what was taken from you... It may involve a lifestyle change, or a change of heart... but usually it's something you wouldn't do under normal circumstances.... I have a friend, who fortunately stood firm at 'the bargaining table'... she broke up with the boyfriend, and when they discussed getting back together, the now ex-boyfriend put one condition... anal sex! All I have to say to that is "owwwkayyy"... (by the way, I know you guys must be wondering if she 'took the deal'.... she didn't... )

Stage four is the worse, which is depression... the moping around, crying, antisocial behavior... you will feel like just hiding in your room/house, not eating, doing nothing... you'll call your friends and ask them what they're up to. When they ask you to join, you'll politely decline... showering becomes optional... a smile nowhere to be seen... this will take a lot out of you... because amazingly, doing nothing makes you tired... there's no use cheering somebody up when they go through this... let them mourn their loss... it's healthy to let it out instead of keeping it bottled inside...

Finally, stage five... acceptance... YAHOOOO!!! This is when you realise that 'shit happens'... you do the best you can and hopefully it turns out well... if it doesn't, then there's probably a silver lining... either it's a lesson learned, or you are meant for better things... at this point you rejoin the rest of the human race... you continue with your life, slightly bruised, but better in the end...

They should add a sixth stage though.... PARTY!!

Way of the Future

Last night, I went out with my family... by that I mean my parents, sisters, their families... you get the picture... I thought it was just for our usual family get-together during the weekends, but it was actually to celebrate both my birthday as well as my niece's.

So, finally figuring out how to upload pics from my phone into my facebook, I started sending pictures of the food and the cake... as usual, friends started to comment... then I realized something weird... one of my nieces commented on the pics... only thing was, we were in the same house at the same time...

I've even heard stories about parents communicating with their kids through the facebook wall... all while they were sitting beside each other...

I seriously think technology is out of control... we are getting further and further away from normal human interaction. We have this false sense of connection by just 'adding' a friend on facebook... it used to be just for friends... now it has expanded to include your relatives...

I now have an excuse not to visit my relatives... when I do show up during the festive season, everybody knows about everything going on in my life anyway, so it even spares me the 'catching up' conversations...

I may be a bit old fashioned, but I really prefer to talk in person... yes, technology makes everything more convenient, but it's so impersonal... I like the whole human interaction thing... I want to spend 3 hours at a coffee shop, just talking... of course it's now regarded as a waste of time... if you 'chat online', you can get your banking done, write a blog, edit pictures, download songs and whatever else you do online at the same time... if you're at the coffee shop, you're just drinking coffee...

It's not to say coffee shops no longer have customers... you have a bunch of people who hang out there and use their laptops...

This lack of social interaction does have an impact on my creative juices... if you're not having conversations (and IMs do NOT count as conversation to me) then what could possibly inspire me? Am I supposed to write about how a contact IM'ed this really hilarious link that really made me LOL? I mean, really ROTFL... It was a good thing he caught me right before I was AFK... AFAICT, it was an original joke... I've seen some good ones but AINEC to this new one... I showed it to a friend and he asked me AYSOS? WTF!? So I told the guy to PFO...

Yeah... doesn't exactly sound like Pulitzer Prize winning stuff, does it?

We need to get out more... see more people... live life like we used to... in person... and we somehow must convince the younger Gen-Y folks to do the same... they are even more into this online interaction stuff... they were born into a world where online social networks already existed... this is now their world that we are living in... unfortunately, most people my age (and older) have a hard time relating to these people... not because we are not technologically savvy... but because they don't talk to you in person...

Do you know how frustrating it is to interview the fresh graduates nowadays... they don't know how to talk... I'm pretty sure if I put a laptop in front of them, and start to IM with them, I'll get better responses, though it will be in short form...

Unfortunately, if you ever say this to a Gen-Y kid, the most likely response will be PMYMHMMFSWGAD! (look it up, it's a real acronym...)

Trust Issues

Do you remember your first relationship? The initial stage was the best. You were innocent then. You had never been hurt, lied to, cheated on, disappointed by or any other bad thing that happens in relationships. You trust the person, no matter what they said or did. You basically didn't have trust issues...

But relationships don't always have a fairy tale ending... in fact, I've never heard of a perfect relationship.

So things start to happen to you... it may be small things like your partner is always late... or big things like your partner turns out to be an illegal alien trying to get citizenship.

Whatever the problems you face in your relationship, you carry it with you. Your partner may be late once, but later on, you expect them to be late. And when they are occasionally late, you go all nuts, telling them how they are always late...

If you think this is bad, then you're gonna cringe when you read what's next... you bring this problem with you to your next relationship... you expect your new partner to be late all the time?

Sounds too far fetched?

Look at your current relationship... do you trust your partner 100%? If you were to see your partner walking down the street with somebody else, would you wonder who that person was? Would your mind be at ease while you wait for your partner to explain? Would you believe their explanation?

I would like to think that I am an understanding person... that I am full of trust when it comes to people, always giving them the benefit of the doubt. Of course, deep down I know that I'm nothing like that. I worry. I jump to conclusions. I lose sleep. And that's just over the simple things such as being late... we haven't even touched the more serious things...

No statement would be complete without an example... so I'll give you one of mine... I have a problem when my phone calls are not answered... I'm not talking about a landline, but a cellphone. People don't go anywhere without their cell these days. If you're in a meeting, you can always excuse yourself to answer the phone and say that you'll call back... or just a simple text message to say that you'll call back... there is no reason (in my head at least) for you not to answer your phone... As a friend puts it, 'if you don't answer the phone during office hours, then you better be lying in a ditch'.

I've never thought about this 'thing' of mine until today... and I've finally realized the reason behind it. Many years ago, there was an event involving unanswered cell phones... and trust was betrayed... years later, I still don't handle it well...

What!? That's it!!?? No details!!??

Well, this blog is about my life lessons... not a peek into my private life...

When we take these distrusts and insecurities with us, we are constantly punishing our partner for one mistake... it's even worse if we take it into our next relationship. Your new partner will pay for somebody else's mistake.

Love is about trust. Yes, it's tough to trust. But you'll be happier if you learn to trust...

Your partner may have a good reason for the things they do... you might not like the reason... you might not even understand it... but hey, if you can't trust your partner, then who can you trust?

One Year Later

I started this blog around the time of my 30^th birthday… it was supposed to document my life’s journey for the next decade. Now a year has almost passed. I’m turning 31 this month. So what have I learned within this one year?

1. People don’t read blogs which are not updated often – ok, that was definitely my fault. I got busy and in my down time, I couldn’t muster up the energy to turn on my laptop and start writing. Have to thank you guys though for being loyal and reading this stuff…

2. Men age like wine – when I was turning 30, I pretty much freaked out. I’ve always liked the fact that I looked younger than my actual age. I’ve been asked for ID at a club when I was 28-29. Suddenly, when I ask people how old they think I am, they started saying I was 30+! But then, I started noticing something… women respond better to older guys… I don’t know, maybe it’s something about the illusion of wisdom and stability that comes with age… and it’s not only with women. The appearance of youth in men worries people in the business world. It seems that the older you look, the more people trust you.

3. I am horrible at musical instruments – I’ve been trying to learn the guitar for the past year. Still stuck at the first few chords. My guitarist (who just happens to be my guitar teacher as well) shakes his head when he sees me play… he says I need to relax a bit more… by the way, I’ve also tried drums… just as bad…

4. I am getting worse when it comes to remembering names and faces – I really have to do something about this. I’ve had this problem since I can remember. It’s really getting out of hand now, since I deal with hundreds of people for work. This is an actual conversation that has happened when I went for a meeting –

Me : hi, I’m Hisyam from _________

Client : yes, I know… we’ve had meetings together before.

Me : oops…

5. I’ve learned to relax – one problem with being young is that you have all that fire in your blood. You take offence to everything little thing that people do to you (or sometimes it doesn’t even involve you, but you feel ‘morally’ obligated to give that person a piece of your mind). One thing I’ve learned is if you can forgive others for their trespasses, then your mind will be at ease. It’s not to say you won’t protect yourself, but if it’s already happened, then it’s a lesson learned, and you move on. I’m much happier in traffic (and the time just flies when you don’t care that other people are cutting queue), I’m happier with my family and friends, I’m happier at work… It’s not to say I’m a saint now, but I’m moving in that general direction.

6. Karma is a bitch, and she holds a grudge – I’ve seen a lot this year to make me believe that statement. Never hurt somebody on purpose… seems that the payback seems to double of what you put that person through. Have you ever noticed how people that get where they are by stepping on other don’t ever seem to be totally happy?

I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of other lessons I’ve learned throughout the year. Though I think it’s going to take me some time to figure those out… So I guess I'll end this post with ...

To Be Continued... (at my own leisurely pace, of course)

Back To Basics

I thought this time, I would try things a little differently with my blog. Instead of embracing technology and typing things up, I've decided to do things the old fashioned way... with pen and paper.

God, my handwriting is awful!

You see, back in 'my day', that's how we did things in school. I first learned creative writing with a pen and several pieces of paper. You didn't type up a single thing. There were editing marks all over your first draft, in a different coloured ink. Your final draft was still handwritten, but had to be in your best handwriting.

Things were much simpler then... everything in life was new, hence it amused and inspired me to write. You didn't think about political correctness or worry about offending anyone because all your thoughts were... well... as corny as it sounds, pure and innocent.

Enough with the flashbacks... back to the present.

It's not that there's nothing happening around me that inspires me to write anymore... there's lots of things. Lies, political maneuvering, backstabbing, anger... and that's just during my drive to work. By the time I picked up my pen just now, I've experienced more events than a soap opera. Problem is, there's nothing positive that really stood out.

Adult life seems to get more complicated with every waking moment. You deal with problems, only taking the rare five minute break to come up for air. Little amusing events are scarce.

Have you noticed that if you hear a funny joke at work, you get excited when you get home and tell the joke to your loved ones? You start off with "I heard this joke today..." Do you realise that the highlight of your entire day was ONE joke? This is such a contract to when you were a kid... you come home from school and won't stop talking for two hours about what you did that day...

No wonder kids say that adults are boring...

There are several methods out there that's supposed to keep you from going insane. The first being "work hard, play hard"... In other words, work like mad during office hours (and then some), then party like mad afterwards. Do you know how much 'partying' I have to do to totally erase the events of the day from my mind? (That was meant to be a rhetorical question, though in the past, I have tried to quantify it... the closest answer I ever got was "WTF!?")

Second theory is to do something you love. There's a problem with that... let's use an example of a tennis player named 'Andre'. Obviously, Andre loves to play tennis. But then, to remain on form, he has to train non stop. I don't know about you, but if HAD to do something I love for eight hours a day, six days a week, I would go nuts. After all this training, Andre has to cope with the pressures of winning his matches... not to mention bad calls by the line judge.

So here's my theory... work and play at the same time. Keep the workplace alive. Joke around while you work. LAUGH!! Some people do not agree with this method, citing low productivity as a result. But how much productivity could you achieve if your staff is busing bitching about the work? Make the workplace as fun and enjoyable as school was (I'm referring to the early primary years... not the exam driven rest of the school life).

Life doesn't have to be complicated or frustrating or every bad adjective you can think of. When face with troubles of adult life, go back to basics - be a kid.

Spoiled

I always write with the assumption that my readers actually know everything about me. Amazingly, I do get random visitors from cyberspace who don’t have a clue who I am. I would think that totally ignoring them and not giving a short background story before rambling on about an aspect of my life would be, for lack of a better word, stupid. That would be like turning on the tv and watching ‘Lost’ for the first time and starting at episode 27. You would lose interest pretty quickly...

So here’s a little background on me... (I’m not going to go on and on about my entire life story, just the part that has something to do with this blog post).

I do NOT like kids. I think they are messy, noisy, etc , etc... When I was younger, I would always say that the minimum number of kids I’ll have is none, with a maximum of one. Now you have to understand something... it’s not that I hate them and run away screaming when I see one. I’m actually quite nice to them (because it would be impolite to be otherwise)... and they seem to love me... really, they won’t stop hanging around me...

Now, I do have nieces and nephews who read my blog... you guys are probably saying “OMG! He HATES us!!” So before you go all grumpy on me, let me clarify something... I love you guys because you’re family... I’m just not too wild with the fact that you’re kids...

Anyway, back to me... even though I don’t like kids, I do have one... a five-year old boy... the love of my life... there are no words that can describe how much I love my son (you parents know what I mean). To me, he’ll always be my baby boy, and I love that he’s the cute kid that he is...

Now that you’ve got the background, let’s get on with the story...

I was at McDonalds with my son on Friday... it was just the two of us... so it went as usual... he wanted fries, so I made him promise to eat the main meal as well. Got him a happy meal... etc etc....

Anyway, I set everything up for him, so he started eating his fries. Now, he did not touch his fried chicken (we’ll debate eating fried chicken at a burger place instead of a fried chicken place later)... so I had to break of pieces of the chicken and ‘feed’ him... then I realised something...

He’s five-years old... he’s already going to school... he can count, add, subtract, read some words, write some words, play video games, watch videos on ‘YouTube’ (I’m not kidding... just load the page for him and he’ll browse through the videos he wants... he can spell the names of the cartoons he likes, so he can do a search), lecture me on the harmful effects of smoking and recommend a nicotine patch, and read a story to younger kids (this just happened a few hours ago at my sister’s open house... he faked it though... held a book and told a totally different story that he had memorised from one of his own books). But he will not feed himself for the main course. He’s only ok with side dishes and snacks.

The reason for this is, he is spoiled!

My bad...

I have had this great urge to spoil my son ever since he was born. He will get pretty much everything that he asks for. What makes it easier for me is the fact that he’s so well behaved. He’ll ask nicely... and if I don’t give him something (with a valid excuse, of course), then he won’t throw a tantrum... he might try to bargain (“just one time”), accept the answer (with a cute “ok”), or make a really sad face with the occasional tear (note that it’s ONE tear)... how could you not say yes to that?

I know... it’s not good to spoil your child, but I can’t help myself... I guess it’s how I was raised... you see, my dad spoiled me... he spoils all his kids, but I get extra special treatment. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m his only son...

Now don’t get me wrong... my dad was (and still is) very strict with kids... he’s the scariest person I know. I’m pretty sure my son thinks the same way (he doesn’t really dare to misbehave when I’m around.

Anyway, back to my dad... from the stories my sisters would tell about me, it seems that I was really spoiled as a child... I got away with everything... but then, I turned out to be quite a well behaved kid. I guess it’s the balance between spoiling and being strict.

My dad’s habit of spoiling me didn’t stop when I became a ‘young adult’... when I was doing my degree, my grades were slipping... I was staying on campus and had a bit too much fun... so to punish me and get me back on track, my dad... wait for it... bought me a car...

Errr....

His logic behind it was so I can stay at home and drive to campus... that way he can ‘keep an eye’ on me... yeah right! But amazingly, even though with a car I had a heck of a lot more fun, my grades did improve...

I see a lot of similarities in my dad’s and my parenting style... there’s some weird logic going on there, but it turns out well in the end... I would like to think that I turned out ok... and my son is one of the most well behaved and well rounded kids I know.

Who would have guessed that a person who doesn’t like kids would end up being a very doting father...?

Our Kids

About a week ago, we finished the fasting month and celebrated Eid (or Hari Raya in Malay).  The whole celebration is still ongoing to this day.  It’s a month of celebration after the month of fasting… it’s a good way for me to re-gain the weight I lost over the past two months.   

Since it’s a month of celebration, I should write something cheerful… I plan to, but not today… instead, I’m going to tell you guys about an experience I had during the fasting month… it’s one of those moments that change your perception on life…

During the fasting month, my client organized a trip to an orphanage.  They do this kind of things all the time during the year, but this is the first time that I found the time to join.  

The truth is this was the first time I’ve ever been to an orphanage… I didn’t know what to expect.  I was thinking we would go there, bring some stuff for the kids, give the money they collected from the staff, have dinner with them and go home…

When we got there, the kids looked extremely happy that they had visitors.  They didn’t really notice the supplies that we brought them… they were more interested in us!!  They were shy, but wanted to get as close as possible to the ‘visitors’…

We all sat on the floor while there were some short speeches from the people in charge of the orphanage as well as the organizing committee… I know for a fact that when I sat down, the kids were no where near me… a few minutes into the speeches, I looked down and saw two kids cozying up to me!  One sat to my side and one in front of me… the one in front kept on turning around and smiling every time I looked at him… you can’t help but smile back…

The whole time we were there, the kids wanted to be as close to us as possible… at first I couldn’t figure out why… then it hit me…

I shower my son with hugs and kisses whenever we are together… it’s not limited to just when we are at home… even when we are out shopping, at the movies, etc… and it’s reciprocated by my son… he hugs and kisses me all the time (well, almost all the time… he doesn’t acknowledge me when he’s in front of his friends at school!).

We take this simple act for granted… everyday we get love, affection and attention from our family… both physically and emotionally.  These kids grow up without it. 

Sure they have their caregivers… but there’s one old couple who’s taking care of 20+ orphans of all ages.  I’m pretty sure they can’t get around and give everybody a hug every day…

You go through life putting money into a donation box, never really giving the orphans a second thought… sure they need your financial support to survive physically, but they also need you love and attention to survive emotionally…

These kids don’t have parents, so we should start thinking of them as our kids… it’s not something that’s hard to achieve… make your way to an orphanage, and you’ll understand what I mean.

Fun With Nurses

I was escorted by a nurse into a room where another three were waiting, in their crisp white uniforms. The first nurse tells me to take off all my clothes and put on the comfy robe. I was then told to lie down while two nurses crowded around me and got me into the correct position… one of them told me to relax, take a deep breath, release and hold… then ZAP… X-Ray…

I was having back problems and my doctor ordered some X-Rays of my lumbar area…

I do believe that my body is catching up with my age…

Turns out there’s a minimal reduction of L5/S1 intervertebral disc space… errr… means I’ve got a bad back… according to the doctor, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s too minor to justify a risky surgery… so in other words, I’m going to spend the rest of my life being very careful about my posture and the amount of weight I carry.

I never thought that I would start my 30’s shopping for lumbar support pillows and orthopedic mattresses. I’m supposed to be hanging out at the gym, pumping iron.

I’ve always had this fear of growing old, and this newest medical problem seems to just feed my fear. It’s like I’m aging faster than I’m supposed to. I know it’s ridiculous to start panicking now. But I guess I’m just a bit more dramatic than the average person.

It’s better to look at the good side as well as the bad. I may be getting ‘sicker’ as I grow older, but I’m pretty sure I’m getting wiser. And of course men age like wine… the older the better… right?

So pretty soon, I’ll be a very wise and bald man, with a bad back; but I’ll be irresistible to women… errr… that doesn’t seem right.

I was telling my sister about my ‘predicament’, and how I feel that my 30’s didn’t treat me that well. So she told me about her high school friend that she recently got back in contact with. They haven’t spoken since they went their separate ways after high school, so my sister had no idea what has happened to her friend… it turns out that due to diabetes, she went blind and had her right leg amputated… now her kidneys are failing. So in a matter of 7 years, she went from being a hotel chef to being blind and wheelchair bound, taken care of by her 70 year old mother…

You would think somebody like that would really have given up on life… quite the contrary. According to my sister, she sounded very cheerful and optimistic! She even started writing and had gotten an article published!

As my sister put it, “you think you have problems? Try to beat that!!”

I know I’ve written about thinking positively in life, but once in a while you forget about the advice you give others. It takes a little kick in the ass to make you realize just how good things are…

Real Men Wear White

I hate changing phones. First of all, I don't like spending over a thousand bucks for it. That money could be better put to use somewhere else... secondly, I hate the task of migrating all the numbers and pictures and songs, etc etc from one phone to the next. There's different formats, memory card support, blah blah blah... and last, I hate having to learn to use a new phone.

So, I only change phones when my current one stops working. Unfortunately, that's where my phone was heading... so I bought a new one before the old one totally stops working, taking with it all my precious phone numbers.

You must be wondering why I'm talking about phones... doesn't seem to be my type of topic, right? Where's the tragedy, where's the scandal, where are the funny stories!!??

I'm getting there, lah!

So I was at the mall, and I walk into the phone store... I decided on a very macho phone... had more buttons on it than my laptop... definitely for the tech savvy macho kinda guy...

But then the salesperson tells me that they have a special "White Edition"... instead of black or bronze, it has a white finish, comes a white leather handstrap, white leather pouch, and a matching white bluetooth headset.

My first reaction was "errrrrrr...." Seriously it looked very feminine. And if I was to carry it around, then people would say that I 'play for the other team'...

Now, I have been mistaken for somebody that's 'from the other team' for as long as I can remember. Seems that I'm a bit 'soft'... There has been cases where people say that me being married and having a kid is just a 'cover'...

I guess I have to pretend to be upset to be labelled as 'happy'... it is the social norm, isn't it. Frankly, I don't take it as an insult. All the traits that I seem to have in common with 'happy guys' seem to be good traits. I've been told that I'm soft spoken, I'm polite, I have good table manners, I am a good listener.... I've yet to hear a single insulting thing...

It's amazing how times have changed... a guy who acted like that many years ago would have be called a gentleman. Only the terminology has changed... the effect however remains the same. They get all the girls!!!

I easily get along with girls... it's like they automatically want to tell me their entire life story... there has even been a case where this girl who I've never even met, fell for me after just a few chats on the phone... and I wasn't even trying...

I guess a gentleman can make a girl (or guy... depends on which way you swing) feel important... who wouldn't like that?

A girl may like to have fun with a bad boy, but a gentleman is almost always the guy of choice for a long-term relationship.

You may be thinking "oh great... I'm a bad boy... I'm screwed.." Never fear... it's actually very easy to be a gentleman... a gentleman is basically someone who makes others around him feel comfortable... so just treat them as nice as you would like to be treated... simple, right?

People may think you're gay, but so what? Once they get to know you, they'll definitely think otherwise.

By the way, I did get the "white edition" phone... and it's just fabulous!!! :P

Between Boxes and Sock Drawers

Quite a while back, I watched a short video of a stand-up comedian. He was talking about the differences of a male brain and a female brain. I can't really remember the specific examples, jokes, etc were, but this is the gist of it...

You see, the male brain is made of lots and lots of boxes, with lids. When a guy thinks of something, he puts it into one of those boxes. And when he thinks of something else, it goes into a different box. Now as I said earlier, those boxes have lids. That means the contents of the first box don't ever mix with the contents of the second box.

In other words, a guy compartmentalizes everything. An example would be like so... in box number one, while shopping with his girlfriend, a guy sees a short and tight dress which he thinks is nice... being metrosexual, he gives his opinion about the dress to his girlfriend. Thought finished, close the lid. Later that day, they walk past a gym. He suggests that both he and his girlfriend join the gym. Thought finished, close the lid. Simple, right.

Now lets look at the female brain. The female brain looks pretty much like my sock drawer. Everything is just mixed up in there. You've got a brown sock right beside the blue one. You can find only one red one (why would I have red socks?). Some of the socks match and some don't and of course you've got socks in there which haven't been worn in years because they have lost their elasticity, but are still there because I just didn't want to throw them out (you never know when you might need an emergency pair of socks, even if they are totally unusable).

So, in other words, the female brain is a mixture of everything where you might end up going to work with socks that don't match (ie, unrelated things can end up together).

So let's look back to the example given earlier... when the boyfriend tells her that the dress is nice, she starts thinking... maybe she doesn't dress sexily enough for him... or maybe he's being sarcastic, that all her clothing are too sexy and he doesn't like it... would she even look nice in a dress like that? Is she too fat to fit in it? Maybe she should go on a diet... but wait a minute, why is he picking out dresses for her? Does he think she's an awful dresser? Or maybe he's actually gay, and loves dresses?

This of course goes on until they get to the gym, where the following conversation takes place:

Guy : You know, we should join this gym.

Girl : OMG!! I knew it! You think I'm fat!! You want me to be able to fit into those sexy dresses that you like so much! What!? You think I'm not attractive anymore!!?? Is that it?

Guy : Huh? Errr....

Girl : You don't love me anymore because you I'm fat now, right? That's why you want me to join the gym... because you want me to look better for you... so I won't embarrass you when we go out...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

Girl : You have somebody else don't you? Who is she? Is that why you're working late and don't have time to come see me?? I don't live that far from your place! It's like less than half an hour to get from your place to mine...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

At this point, the guy will take a look at the contents of the first box... nothing there that could shed some light on the situation... he then takes a look in the second box... again, nothing.

As usual, this couple will end up fighting... she'll say something along the lines of "I don't ever want to see you again." He'll buy her flowers. He'll apologize (even though he has no idea what's going on). And after a few days, they'll get back together. The only people who benefit from this are florists...

There are people out there who complain that their partners don't understand them, or even worse, pretend that they don't understand... the fact of the matter is, men and women think differently. You can't force your partner to think the way you do. It's these little differences that we have to learn to accept about our partners. Either that, or start planting your own flowers...

Great Powers

"With great power comes great responsibilities..."

That's from the Spiderman movie, and I suddenly realised that it somewhat applies to me. So am I trying to say that I'm just like Spiderman? Do I look good in blue and red spandex?

Well, sort of...

You see, many years ago, I found out that if I smile a certain way and act all 'cute', I can pretty much get myself into or out of anything (usually it's trouble). And this only works with the fairer sex. Some people call it 'charm' and some call it 'being a weasel'... either way, I benefit from it most of the time.

The latest example happen about a week ago. I needed a letter from the bank. The actual procedure was to submit a form to a branch, and then wait 14 days for them to prepare the letter at their back office and send it back to the branch.

I have a problem with that. My schedule isn't exactly fixed. I may be in Penang or KL on any given day. So the letter might be heading to Penang when I'm on my way to KL. So what I did was I actually went to the back office. It's an actual processing office. They did not have a reception area... people there basically processed stuff for the branches. So I show up, talk to this nice lady, gave her a sad story about my schedule, flashed her a nice smile, acted cute and suddenly the letter was ready for me within 24 hours! That's a 1,400% improvement (I think... my math isn't as good as it used to be).

And it didn't stop there. I had to submit the letter with other stuff to a government agency. By the time I got there, they just closed the reception counter (ie. they didn't issue any new numbers). But me being me, I talked to the nice lady and asked her if she would just issue me a number. She did, of course. But then, I hadn't filled up the necessary forms. So by the time I got to the counter, they were already packing up to go home. It's a good thing there was a nice lady there... well, I think you can figure out what happened.

So now, I've got a question... is it wrong for me misuse my 'talents'? I get preferential treatment compared to other people just because I know how to 'act cute'... that doesn't seem to be fair.

Now how is this any different from attractive people getting their way more often than less attractive people... you use what God gave you.

Of course, there's a limit to everything... it's one thing to get people to keep the counter open for an extra 10 mins... it's another to convince somebody to hand over their entire life savings.

Everybody has their strong points. It's how you use them that defines you as a person... either you're Spiderman, or the Green Goblin...

Sitcom

There’s this cute couple I know… well, actually, I know only half of the couple. I’ve known the girl for about… errr… 12 years… I think… (I try not to dwell on the numbers too much… makes me feel old). But, she’s been telling me so much about this guy that I feel I know him. You guys know that feeling?

It’s like watching a sitcom on tv. After a few seasons, you feel like you know all the characters… they are like your close friends. (I constantly have to remind myself that I DON’T have friends named Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe).

So that’s what it’s like with this guy. Let’s give him a name… I love making up names…

Let’s call him CS, for “Childhood Sweetheart”. ‘Cause she’s known him since school. And of course, the girl has to have a name as well… let’s name her AG, for “Anxiety Girl”. Reason for this will be revealed later.

You see, CS and AG were ‘dating’ when they were in school. Now this was the sweet and innocent kind of relationship. They would mostly meet in class… sometimes go out for fast food… and once in a blue moon, they would hold hands… aaaawwwwwwww…

After high school, they both went separate ways, only to find each other again a few years later. But there was a catch. Both were seeing other people… plus AG had written off the relationship they had earlier as just puppy love.

So they started seeing each other as ‘friends’… now here is where things get complicated. In a sitcom, this would be a season finale. You would then have to wait until next fall before they air the new season premier…

But this is blog, and you should know the whole story in 5 minutes.

You see, CS still has ‘the hots’ for AG… he’s yet to find anybody who would come close to AG. So he tries to rekindle ‘the spark’… but he runs into a problem… CS has got as much spark as a flat AAA battery… and the best thing is, he doesn’t know it…

AG on the other hand does not know how to pick up subtle cues. She is often heard saying “I didn’t see that coming…” And of course, she didn’t. So AG has no idea that CS is still interested in her.

One fine day, CS actually proposes… while having lunch… fried chicken to be exact. Now try to imagine this… two people sitting on the floor of the living room, with a bucket of Original Recipe between them… the guy suddenly says, “let’s get married” in the most monotonous voice you can ever imagine...

AG froze for a few seconds, and then starts rolling on the floor, laughing… she didn’t think he was serious…

Suffice to say, CS has never brought up the topic of marriage with AG ever again.

Now you would think that the story ends there… but the network producers have decided to extend for a few more seasons…

Over the years, CS and AG have gone out several times… always with big gaps between dates… after 15-16 years, all that CS has had the courage to do was give her a peck on the cheek… he obviously still wants her. AG on the other hand has developed stronger feelings of CS…

So they declared their love for each other and lived happily ever after… NOT!!

You see, this is why I treat their relationship as a sitcom… it’s funny and it’s been going on for year… plus, you feel for the characters… AG wants CS to ‘make a move’… but he’s just too scared… probably because she laughed out loud when he proposed… though that was totally his fault.

See… sounds like I’m talking about tv show, right? And I’m just as frustrated watching these two as I was watching Ross and Rachel get together… (for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, what rock have you been living under?)

So I’ve been pushing AG to just make the first move… (I want to see the ending already!!) She’s been reluctant for the last couple of years… she isn’t sure if he actually likes her… she’s afraid that he’s just hanging around because he’s a friend, that sometimes says something nice to her and holds her hand in a soft and tender way… not that he actually likes her in ‘that way’… (now do you know why I call her anxiety girl?)

Then suddenly today, she IM’s him… “let’s get married”…

What’s with the extremes!? Oh well, better than nothing.

Instead of saying “Oh yes AG!! This is a dream come true!! I have been waiting for over a decade!!!”, he pulls a ‘Homer’…

AG : I want to get married. Let’s get married

CS : Yoou waln’t trroo gettt marrrrieddd?? (he panicked)

AG : Yes. Let’s get married

CS : Marriage is good… you know our friend X from school… he’s getting married… he called me up and asked for my address so he can send the invite… just got it.

AG : ???????

CS : Wait, were you joking about the marriage?

AG : …………………

OMG!!! You see!!!??? SITCOM!!

Sometimes in life, you don’t see what you’re doing wrong (or right for that matter). You see everything from only one angle – yours… but if you were to have an aerial view of things, or in this case, an audience’s view, then maybe you might see things differently…

If things don’t seem to be working out for you, ask for a second opinion… doesn’t mean you have to take it, but an outsider’s view helps you reassess yours.

I wonder what happens next season?

Taking Risks

I was out with a few friends the other night. We went to watch the Brazil-Holland game… just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about, it was the quarter-finals for the World Cup.

Anyway, found out that everybody at the table had bet on Brazil to win the game. After all, it was Brazil… it was a sure thing.

It’s a good thing I didn’t place a bet. Holland came from behind to win it 2-1. So all my friends lost quite a bit of money that night… I should have taken a picture of their faces… priceless.

But you see, they made a choice that had very minimal risk. The Brazilian side was the favourite. In other words, they were supposed to make quite a bit of money that night (they made bets which were larger than their usual amounts).

This right here teaches us a very important lesson in life. There is no such thing as ‘a sure thing’… you can’t predict what the future holds. You can only do your best, and leave the rest to fate.

So where does that leave the concept of ‘taking risks’? Should you go through life playing it safe?

Of course not! Haven’t you been paying attention?

In the example given (why do I sound like a textbook?), it was the safest choice to bet on Brazil. The bookmakers have done their math, and put Brazil as the favourites to win. So placing a bet on Brazil wouldn’t be considered taking a risk at all… a sure thing… and look what happened… I’ve seen funerals which were more cheerful.

We go through every day making countless decisions which pretty much have ‘life or death’ implications…

Do I go to the office today or work from home? – statistics show that there are around 7 million traffic accidents a year in the US alone.

Do I eat at the cafeteria or go out for lunch? – let’s just say I’ve gotten my fair share of food poisoning…

We deal with risks every day, so why stop now (it’s not like you can anyway).

I’ve got a few friends who are making important decisions in the very near future… some are making career changes, some are getting married, and some are taking the risk of staying put. I wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors.

We do the calculations and make an educated ‘guess’ as to what will happen. Even if it’s seems too high risk, the rewards, if successful, would be tremendous.

After all, a sure thing like a Brazil win, doesn’t guarantee anything. So just put it all on the line.

Rockstar

For those that don't know, one of the things that I've been doing while I'm here in Penang is to play in a band... I don't play any musical instruments, so I sing. We're just fooling around most of the time, so don't expect us to play at weddings and stuff like that.

One other thing that I do in the band is I write the songs with Eric (the lead guitarist). He's got about a million songs stuck in his head and we thought it would be fun to put them down on paper... so he composes the song, and I write the lyrics.

I shouldn't quit my day job.

We completed the first song right around when I turned 30... I guess it was one of those things that I wanted to do to 'celebrate' the end of my 20's. It's now in the process of being recorded 'professionally'... that's being done by an actual musician... partly because Eric and I can't afford to buy all the recording equipment. Plus, if we did, we wouldn't know how to use it.

You may wonder why we're recording the song. It's not because we want to be famous rock stars (though that hasn't been crossed off the list yet). It's so we would have proof to our grandkids that we were once young and we were cool!!

Our target is a 'short album'... just a couple of songs. When it's done, you guys are probably gonna hate me because I'll be promoting the 'album' and 'encourage' you guys to buy a copy.

Some of my friends have heard the rough recording of the first song and think it's good... but would anybody buy it, that's a different matter...

Well, as long as my grandkids say "grandpa!? is this you singing on the album? YOU ROCK!!", then I'm okay.

A few hours ago, we were in the jamming studio. We finished the second song. Now, you may have seen how a professional song writer would write a song... with sheet music. That's obviously not how we did it...

There’s just scribbles all over the place on a couple of pieces of paper. Scribbles are an improvement actually. Eric composes the whole song in his head. He doesn’t put anything on paper until it’s the final draft which is distributed among the band.

Whatever it is, I’m going to save these little memories of my ‘youth’… It must be fun to relive those moments for your family once you’re older. I remember how my dad would proudly smile when I asked about a picture of him winning a singing competition. He could even remember what song he sang.

And I remember how proud I was of having such a ‘cool dad’...

When you’re young, you need role models. And the first people you turn to are your parents. If they haven’t accomplished anything significant in life, then that’s probably what you’ll end up planning for… after all, when you’re young, your parents are ‘perfect’ in your eyes.

I would like my son to see me the same way that I saw my dad, my first role model… a person who conquered the ‘rat race’, loves his family dearly, and knows how to live life to the fullest.

Doormat

My son just started kindergarten this year. So he’s beginning to learn how to read. The other day, he was doing his homework and reading it out loud. It was a page of words with the picture depicting the word. So it went a little like this:

C-A-T…. cat
B-A-T…. bat
M-A-T.... alas kaki

You see, there was a picture of a doormat there... and well, I guess my son still hasn’t learned how to read just yet… (For those who don’t know Malay, ‘alas kaki’ means doormat).

Now what does this story have to do with this blog post?

Absolutely nothing.

Well, it’s a cute story… ok, there’s a slight relation to this post… but the doormat I’m referring to is actually the type of person…

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless (just because she’s a doormat, doesn’t mean I have to step on her as well). She has a problem saying no. Now don’t get any ideas… she won’t sleep with you… err… I think. Anyway, no matter how she’s inconvenienced, she will not say no. There was a time when a total stranger came up to her in a bookstore. Chatted with her for a while and asked for her number. She did not want to give it. After all, she was at the bookstore with her boyfriend. It’s kinda inappropriate. Plus, the guy wasn’t ‘interesting’… but, being the doormat that she is, she says ‘ok… it’s 01x-xxx xxxx’. Then runs back to her boyfriend to tell him what happened.

At least she’s honest.

I do believe there’s a limit to being ‘a nice person’. You have to be able to draw your line. I know of several people who have stayed in abusive relationships, both physically and mentally, just because the other person tells them to stay.

I can’t say that it’s easy to break free of being a doormat… I’m one myself… there are just times when I would ‘take one for the team’… kind of funny how it’s always the same person who ‘takes one’.

I guess it’s a self-esteem issue. You’re overcompensating for your so called ‘inadequacies’. By giving in, you feel that the other person will appreciate you more, even with your ‘flaws’… sad isn’t it?

Amazingly, I don’t have any advice to give… I’m a doormat myself. But if you don’t love yourself, why would anybody love you?

T-H-E E-N-D…. dah abis....

Quirks

I’ve got a little problem. Actually, I’ve got about a hundred ‘little problems’. I have little quirks… for example, whenever I’m on the phone; I have this incredible urge to pace back and forth. I do this even when I’m in the office. It’s a good thing I’ve got quite a bit of space right beside my cubicle… and sometimes if there are floor tiles, I’ll follow the pattern of the tile. Thankfully, most floor tiles are square… if they were curved, then I would look like I was drunk…

This is just the tip of the iceberg. You should see the neat little squares that I make from the Fillet-o-Fish wrappers at McDonalds. Friends have noticed this and just wait for me to finish my meal and start laughing when I begin folding…

I think I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I ‘think’ I have it because I’ve never actually gotten tested. There’s something about going to a certified medical practitioner and being told that you have a mental disorder… I doubt it’s going to be happy news. I used to write it of to just habit, but I get really agitated if I don’t do these little things.

So one day, I decided to look up the symptoms… and damn it, I’m as loony as a toon. I suffer from more than half of the symptoms. But I still don’t think I should go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I only have a very mild case of OCD. (When did I graduate from medical school!?)

I’ve learned to live with my ‘quirks’. Though sometimes people do catch me doing weird things… an example would be there are times when I have this sudden urge to say a particular word. I know I’m in a public place, so I start saying it in my head… it goes something like this…

Inner Voice : Apple…apple… apple………appleappleapple…. AAAAAAAAApple… apple… ple ple ple…. PLE !

I then start mouthing the words… sometimes, if I’m unlucky, I accidentally say it out loud… after which I start humming or singing, just to cover up. People sing for no reason, right?

People around me will ask me questions like “why are you so happy?” or “what’s with the singing?”… I just tell them the song is stuck in my head… though, I know they are wondering since when does the lyrics have the word ‘apple’ in it…

I’m not alone though… there are people in my family who ‘suffer’ from the same problem. I won’t mention who they are though, since they might not be better at covering it up and are quite happy with people not knowing about it… I actually have a family member who used to wash her hands non-stop… she would be there at the sink until somebody tells her to stop… it got to a point where the skin on her hands were in really bad shape because of excessive washing. (I guess there is such a thing as ‘too clean’.)

I guess it’s not really that bad… I don’t have the urge to touch every street light as I walk down the street (well, not that often, anyway). But I think these little quirks make me who I am. It adds yet another dimension to my personality. Quite a number of people are entertained by my quirks… so if it doesn’t hurt me, yet brings joy to other normal (and boring) people, then I guess it’s a good thing.

Of course, can’t forget another silver lining to this so called cloud. In some cases, OCD will cause the ‘sufferer’ to have above average intelligence… I’ll just leave it at that…

What I’m trying to say is, be happy with who you are. Society has come up with a lot of ways to classify a person, both good and bad with relation to the ‘norm’. But you have to realize that it doesn’t matter what others say. What’s important is what you think and how you feel about yourself. Look at me… I may have a mental disorder, and I like it. Makes it easier to find happiness this way…

Enuff said… said… said… saidsaidsaid….sa-yed… saaaaaa-yeeeed…

Sex

You perverts… as soon as you saw the title, you couldn’t help but clicking on the link, could you?

Don’t worry… you’re normal. I am going to blog about sex though, so you won’t be disappointed that the title was an awful attempt at cheap publicity. I’m going to talk about…

My first time…
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… teaching my son about ‘the birds and the bees’… didn’t you know this is a family oriented blog??

Anyway, I haven’t been asked by my son to explain where babies come from yet… he’s still fixated on the moon’s movement around the earth… and of course, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. But I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask soon.

I’ve never lied to my son when he asks me about any topic… I’ll stick to the actual scientific explanation (I’ve actually explained why you can only see parts of the moon some nights… I used a globe and explained the moon’s movement around the earth). I could have gone with ‘because it’s like that, lah…’ or ‘there’s a man on the moon and sometimes he switches of the lights to save electricity’… but that would just confuse him in the future. I find that kids are smart enough to understand scientific fact… they may ask you to explain it again for about 200 times, but that’s just a part of parenting.

Asians mainly regard sex as a taboo topic… I’ve never had the ‘sex talk’ with my parents… well, except for one line from my mom many years ago which was “no sex before marriage.” I was lucky though that I grew up in Canada, where sex education was part of the syllabus… It’s better to get your information from teachers and medical personnel than to get it from your friends and porn.

Contrary to popular belief in Asia, learning about sex does not mean that you’ll immediately go out and get those ‘birds’ and ‘bees’ to meet. Since the formal education already satisfies your curiosity, you don’t need to go out and ‘experiment’. In fact, the main theme of sex education in schools is abstinence.

Now back to my son. I don’t claim to be an expert in child psychology or even basic parenting. So I’ve got to do research on this topic first… I don’t want to be caught off guard when me son asks “how did the baby get into his mommy’s stomach”. Too much info and he might get confused… too little info, and he might get curious… and we all know how curiosity killed the cat.

This is tough. I wonder if I can just stick to my mom’s line. “Son, no sex before marriage!”

Silver Lining

Everybody has done something they regret… it’s their Homer Simpson “D’oh” moments… whether it’s a bad decision based on insufficient data, or a bad decision due to a moment of utter stupidity, it still resulted in a moment in your life that you would gladly erase.

Call me naïve, but I believe even bad things happen for a good reason… and you become a better person because of it… I’ve come to realize this only recently (last few years)… I believe in this because of a couple of reasons…

First being the fact that I believe in karma, ie what goes around, comes around. Now, I’m a good person… I may be a bit on the naughty side, but I’m mostly a good guy… so if something bad happens to me, it’s gotta be because it’s actually good for me…

Secondly, I have learned to look at the big picture… now when I say ‘big’, I’m talking about a very long timeline… this is kinda hard to see if you’re still a teenager or even in your early twenties… it’s because you haven’t lived long enough to see the effects of a certain event… now that I’ve crossed over into my thirties, my bad events from 15 years ago now seem like a blessing that led me to ‘better’ things in life now…

An example would be if I had gotten better grades in my pre-uni days… I would have ended up doing my degree in IT instead of physics… I would then not have learned all the amazing things about the way the universe works… and wouldn’t be able to say “trust me, I’m right… I have a degree in physics” (which shuts people up, no matter what the topic was).

Actually, there’s a third reason… but people always say that there are two things you shouldn’t discuss in public… politics and religion. You never know who might be offended…

Anyway, back to clouds with silver linings…

Having this view in life really helps me cope with the challenges that I face everyday, both professionally and personally… it’s not to say that I don’t get stressed out… I’d be lying if I said that nothing fazes me… I go through the normal phases that everybody goes through when something bad happens… shock, sometimes with a little panic thrown in… then regret… it’s just that I add one last part, which is acceptance with a blend of optimism… it doesn’t always come immediately… sometimes taking months or even years… just as long as it’s there…

I’ll leave you all with this quote…

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Glamour

I’ve always craved for attention. I would say that my parents are to blame… you see, I am the only son… my parents both wanted a boy so much… at that time they already had two daughters… it’s not that they didn’t love their daughters, but a son would ‘complete the package’…

So I was born after a 12 year gap. I had all the attention in the world. Being the first boy in the family meant no hand-me-downs… new clothes, toys, etc… The family was finally complete, with me being the ‘feature attraction’… (I do have a younger sister, but I have a hunch that she was an accident… I wonder if she reads my blog?)

So here I am… the center of attention for the whole family. Now, I couldn’t get the same attention I get at home when I’m out in the ‘real world’… there are lots of ‘only sons’, ‘only daughters’, only everything out there. So how do I get the attention I need?

Well, simplest way is to be ‘loud’… but I had a tiny problem… I lived a pretty much sheltered life (my parents are overprotective)… so I was very shy. In fact I’m still shy to this day… every time I am introduced to somebody new, I’ll keep quiet.

I was so shy that when I just moved to Canada, the teachers thought I didn’t know how to speak English… I was so very quiet. They even put me in ESL (English as a Second Language) class for a month before they realized I was just shy.

So I went through a few years of school without really standing out. I had friends, like any normal kid, but I was just one of the kids in school.

Then in 9th grade (equivalent to form 3), I took drama as one of my subjects. Obviously, part of it was getting on stage in front of everybody and doing a bit of acting. When I’m put on the spot, I will do pretty much anything, even though it scares the lights out of me. The first time I got on stage, I felt like I had a million butterflies in my stomach…

I still feel that way each time I get on stage… it’s not worth ‘performing’ unless I come close to having a nervous breakdown. Yet I don’t turn down a chance in the spotlight…

So what drives me to seek all this attention? Why do I need all the attention, even though at a risk of a nervous breakdown each and every time?

As much as I hate to believe this, but I think it’s to get a false sense of approval. When you’re small, every little achievement of yours is celebrated by your family. You are, for the most part, somebody’s pride and joy.

Your first words, your first steps… everything is greeted by cheers from your family. But then, you have to realize that there is no other reference point (unless you have a twin). But it doesn’t work that way in real world.

In the real world there is so much competition. You’ve got to have that special ‘something’ in order to stand out in a crowd. Most of us just blend in… we never really getting that extra attention or approval… just surviving under the radar.

Getting up on stage gives me a chance to be noticed. Either people say “hey, you’re really good!” or they say “that wasn’t as good as I was expecting, but at least you’ve got the courage to get up there”… both comments put me ahead of the rest of the pack. Of course there are the usual “get off the stage, you no talent freak,” but I’ll just ignore those negative people.

Getting up on stage in front of strangers gives me a chance to almost feel the way I would with my family and closest friends… that, I guess, makes this cruel world seem less intimidating.

Either that or the glamour attracts groupies…

Nice Guys Finish Last

I sometimes believe in Karma… you know… ‘do good things, and good things happen to you.’ For example, give a homeless guy some spare change, and you suddenly get a ‘performance bonus’ in your next paycheck…

I also believe in the fact that ‘life is fair’… for example, have you ever noticed that really good looking people don’t sound very good on the phone… or with every couple, there’s almost always one good looking one and one… err… ‘less good looking’…

These first two ‘rules of life’ are good, fair and let us live in harmony… but then life would be too easy, wouldn’t it. Unfortunately there’s one really awful rule that sometimes come into play… it’s the ever evil ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’.

Another term for a nice guy would be ‘doormat’. You see, you start off by being nice… but you over do it… you are nicer than the average person. You start forgetting about ‘win-win’ solutions, instead, you opt for ‘they win – you bang your head on the wall’. But being the nice guy that you are, you say nothing, and just swallow that bitter pill.

Soon, you even give up the things/ideals that are important to you. And then you loose all sense of self esteem and are, in essence, somebody’s bitch.

Of course, by that time, it’s too late. You can’t change the dynamics of your relationship now. Can’t suddenly expect to grow a pair, and expect the other person to suddenly respect you.

I sound bitter, don’t I? To tell you the truth, I WAS. Please note the past tense here…

I realized that a person who takes advantage of the ‘nice guy’ is just insecure… they don’t have it all together… they need a ‘punching bag’, so to speak. If that person was strong, they wouldn’t need to overcompensate for their shortcomings by treating other people badly… they would be, well, nice…

Being a nice guy means you’re a rock… you are confident… you can handle a lot of shit… you’re the hero in all this…

So let’s look at the big picture. By being the ‘doormat’, you are actually being the stronger person. You are basically helping the other person cope with life, because they are just unable to do it on their own.

Sure it’s sometimes a pain, but if you look at it as helping someone, then to me, it is pretty much worth it. After all, you do nice things for others, nice things happen to you…

Judging Beauty

I listen to the radio on my way to work in the mornings and for the last couple of days, Fly FM has had the Miss Universe Malaysia contestants come in during the morning show. As usual, they had interviews, blah blah blah… anyway, it got me thinking (which hasn’t happened much for the last couple of months)… why would you want total strangers, ie the judges, to decide whether you are beautiful or not?

And I’m not only talking about physical beauty here… if you don’t win the competition, then they are basically saying you are just not physically beautiful, not charming, don’t have enough poise, not intelligent, etc… etc… compared to the winner.

Why would you put yourself through that kind of torture?

To me, it’s equivalent to your kid coming home from school with his/her report card… overall they are 15th in the school out of 175 students in terms of exam results. Instead of telling your kid “good job… your efforts are really paying off”, you tell your kid “good job, but you do know that there’s 14 other kids who are smarter than you?”

Now don’t get me wrong… I’m all for competition. But most competitions are quantifiable. You keep score… and the more skill you have, the higher the score… with a beauty contest, it’s just too subjective…

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder (or beer holder, in some cases)… hence, you can’t really judge somebody’s beauty.

It has been suggested to me that I should enter my son in ‘baby contests’ when he was younger… I just couldn’t do it. I know my son is cute… heck, every parent think their kid is the cutest. But in the end, I didn’t want anybody else to say otherwise.

Now back to these beauty contest judges… it must be tough for them… they have to judge a person based on what is perceived as beautiful by society. In mainstream media, it’s believed that perfection equals beauty… but I think that’s just wrong… it’s the imperfections that make people uniquely beautiful.

If you were to walk down a busy street, you would see a lot of people who, to you, are not beautiful at all… but they ALL have somebody who thinks they are beautiful and love them for who they are. It may be their parents, their partner, spouse, children, friends, etc… in other words, who are you to judge.

I guess I’m not a fan of beauty contests… but then again, maybe I’m just jealous that the DJs got to hang out with those beauty queens…

Bullies...

I've always believed kids should be disciplined... It was the way I was brought up. When I was growing up, there was a list 32-pages long that outlined everything that I CANNOT do... ok, I'm making that up. There was no list. Simply put, I had a very strict dad...

I have passed everything down to my son, in a sense that I'm very strict. And one of the things I've taught my son was how to treat others... as in do not fight with other kids, no hitting, etc...

Now here's my problem... because of the way I've raised my son, he has no idea how to deal with bullies in school. My son is being bullied!!

He just started kindergarten in January. This is his first time 'mixing' with other kids. I've had a maid since he was very small, and before that he would stay with my parents during the day. His only friends have always been his cousins. He was the youngest up until recently when my younger sister had a baby. So all his cousins would really take care of him... it's either a sense of responsibility on their part, or they are just afraid of me (I could be quite fierce with kids).

Anyway, my son has come home numerous times with cuts from falling down. Upon 'investigation' (hard to get a straight answer from a 5-year old), it seems that his 'friends' were almost always the cause of his falls... Now you can always assume they were goofing around and he accidentally fell, but last Friday, it seems that one of his friends slapped him in the face...

Now here's the dilemma... should I erase the discipline I've instilled in him for the past 5 years and tell him to just beat the crap out of his friends, or should I tell him to just tell the teacher (which he doesn't seem to do... I've spoken to the teachers before and they had no idea... my son has never 'reported' any of the incidents).

I'm actually at a point that I want to pack a small metal pipe in his bag and tell him to 'defend himself'... but that's just not the type of person I want my son to be... I don't know how to advise him since, well, I've never been bullied...

Now you may be surprised to learn that I've never been bullied... I'm underweight now... so imagine me in school... plus, you throw in the good grades in school, and interests in things which would be considered 'uncool' (such as Star Trek - though I wouldn't call myself a 'trekkie' and walk around saying "live long and prosper").

I guess there were two factors that determined my 'bully-less' school days...

First, I grew up in Toronto. Now I'm not sure how it is in other places, but in Toronto, there were a lot of primary shools... so that meant that each 'graduating' class was only around 20-30 people. That made everybody quite close... so by the time I got to high school, I suddenly found myself still mixing around with the people who ended up in the 'cool' group... So I was, for lack of a better term, 'cool by association'... that also meant that I go way back with even the bullies... in other words, I knew 'low people in high places'...

The second factor was the education system in Canada. In high school, you get to choose your elective subjects... So I took things that interest me such as drama class (I still love to act), gym class (I'm not that bad at sports... not good either, but still not bad), and shop class (nothing more macho than to work with oxy-aceteline torches and car engines). And amazingly, the cool kids took those as well... I also tried out for the varsity baseball team (I didn't make the cut, but with good reasons... the seniors had arms bigger than my thighs... there's no way I can throw further/faster than them). I guess the fact that I tried showed that I have balls... that's like currency in high school...

I did have friends that came from schools outside the district, took boring classes, didn't play sports, but yet had interests which were deemed 'nerdy'... felt sorry for them, but nothing I could have done...

Now back to my son's dilemma. I can't apply any of the things I did in school to his situation. I don't want him to resort to violence... I want him to be like me... a lover, not a fighter ;)...

I guess I'll have to go talk to his teachers again. He's still young, so I doubt he'll mind having his dad fight his battle for him... SuperDad to the rescue!!

When I Grow Up…

I think I stopped growing when I was 12 years old. I’m not talking about physically or mentally. It’s my personality.

About a week ago, I went to my vendor’s office to pick up some documents on my way to lunch. I hadn’t been to that office in quite a long time… so all the new people have never met me. They have however spoken to me on the phone on numerous occasions. So, I walk in and the first person I met had this look on her face. It was as if she was dying to ask me ‘are you lost?’… I think she was about to ask me when her manager called out to me…

Everybody in the office (who didn’t know how I looked like) was just standing there, wondering who I was… because I actually looked like a fresh graduate, looking for a job (this was what they told the manager). Now, what made me look like a fresh graduate was my ‘young’ looking face, but also the way I acted. I was joking around with some of the managers, went for a quick smoke with the director (smoking is bad for you – TAK NAK! *this has been a public service announcement by the great people at ‘Yet Another Decade’) and generally acting like a small kid.

When they later found out from the manager who I was, they couldn’t believe it. They know I joke around a lot on the phone, but it seems that I have this ‘air of maturity and authority’ when I’m talking about work. So they expected somebody who ‘looked’ older…

Over the last few months, I’ve started to realize that I do have a ‘childish’ personality. I laugh a lot, joke around, and I’m generally easy going. It’s a good thing and bad thing. First, the bad part… I’m afraid people won’t take me seriously… heck, I don’t even take myself seriously… simplest example are credit card sales people in shopping malls. They will approach pretty much everybody who walks past their booth. They even follow people around. But yet, if I’m not in office attire, they don’t give me a second glance… I look like a kid and I act like a kid… that’s including when I walk around with MY kid… of course, to most people (including me) that’s a good thing. So people don’t bother you… but what if this ‘childish’ outlook affects people’s perception of me during business meetings…??

The bad part seems really bad… need the good part to cheer myself up…

Now the good thing about being a bit on the childish side is that people let their guard down… to them, there is no longer a need to be firm, serious and guarded if they are dealing with ‘a child’… never, ever underestimate a child (I actually learned that from dealing with my son… but that’s a different story).

I find that the easiest way to get somebody to agree with you is to push the idea forward in a very light, joke laden way… oh yeah, also with a nice child like smile (not the dishonest ‘I’m gonna cheat you’ creepy kind of smile). People respond better to child like innocence…

Now don’t get me wrong… I don’t manipulate people in order to get what I want… I just deal with people in a way that I’m comfortable with… and thank goodness, my way makes people comfortable as well.

Well, almost everybody… some people confuse the happiness with being gay… I’ve actually been asked if I was gay several times… but that, of course, is a different story.

How I act was not learned in self help books… it comes naturally… I guess it’s because I was raised in a very loving environment in terms of family… I guess the more you were loved as a child, the happier you are as an adult. And that translates into a more cheerful personality which may be perceived as childish behavior. You guys should see what it’s like when I’m around my sisters… it’s like a bunch of 12-year olds hanging out together, with the laughing and joking around.

I wonder how many kids say ‘when I grow up, I want to be a kid’…