Trust Issues

Do you remember your first relationship? The initial stage was the best. You were innocent then. You had never been hurt, lied to, cheated on, disappointed by or any other bad thing that happens in relationships. You trust the person, no matter what they said or did. You basically didn't have trust issues...

But relationships don't always have a fairy tale ending... in fact, I've never heard of a perfect relationship.

So things start to happen to you... it may be small things like your partner is always late... or big things like your partner turns out to be an illegal alien trying to get citizenship.

Whatever the problems you face in your relationship, you carry it with you. Your partner may be late once, but later on, you expect them to be late. And when they are occasionally late, you go all nuts, telling them how they are always late...

If you think this is bad, then you're gonna cringe when you read what's next... you bring this problem with you to your next relationship... you expect your new partner to be late all the time?

Sounds too far fetched?

Look at your current relationship... do you trust your partner 100%? If you were to see your partner walking down the street with somebody else, would you wonder who that person was? Would your mind be at ease while you wait for your partner to explain? Would you believe their explanation?

I would like to think that I am an understanding person... that I am full of trust when it comes to people, always giving them the benefit of the doubt. Of course, deep down I know that I'm nothing like that. I worry. I jump to conclusions. I lose sleep. And that's just over the simple things such as being late... we haven't even touched the more serious things...

No statement would be complete without an example... so I'll give you one of mine... I have a problem when my phone calls are not answered... I'm not talking about a landline, but a cellphone. People don't go anywhere without their cell these days. If you're in a meeting, you can always excuse yourself to answer the phone and say that you'll call back... or just a simple text message to say that you'll call back... there is no reason (in my head at least) for you not to answer your phone... As a friend puts it, 'if you don't answer the phone during office hours, then you better be lying in a ditch'.

I've never thought about this 'thing' of mine until today... and I've finally realized the reason behind it. Many years ago, there was an event involving unanswered cell phones... and trust was betrayed... years later, I still don't handle it well...

What!? That's it!!?? No details!!??

Well, this blog is about my life lessons... not a peek into my private life...

When we take these distrusts and insecurities with us, we are constantly punishing our partner for one mistake... it's even worse if we take it into our next relationship. Your new partner will pay for somebody else's mistake.

Love is about trust. Yes, it's tough to trust. But you'll be happier if you learn to trust...

Your partner may have a good reason for the things they do... you might not like the reason... you might not even understand it... but hey, if you can't trust your partner, then who can you trust?