Quirks

I’ve got a little problem. Actually, I’ve got about a hundred ‘little problems’. I have little quirks… for example, whenever I’m on the phone; I have this incredible urge to pace back and forth. I do this even when I’m in the office. It’s a good thing I’ve got quite a bit of space right beside my cubicle… and sometimes if there are floor tiles, I’ll follow the pattern of the tile. Thankfully, most floor tiles are square… if they were curved, then I would look like I was drunk…

This is just the tip of the iceberg. You should see the neat little squares that I make from the Fillet-o-Fish wrappers at McDonalds. Friends have noticed this and just wait for me to finish my meal and start laughing when I begin folding…

I think I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I ‘think’ I have it because I’ve never actually gotten tested. There’s something about going to a certified medical practitioner and being told that you have a mental disorder… I doubt it’s going to be happy news. I used to write it of to just habit, but I get really agitated if I don’t do these little things.

So one day, I decided to look up the symptoms… and damn it, I’m as loony as a toon. I suffer from more than half of the symptoms. But I still don’t think I should go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I only have a very mild case of OCD. (When did I graduate from medical school!?)

I’ve learned to live with my ‘quirks’. Though sometimes people do catch me doing weird things… an example would be there are times when I have this sudden urge to say a particular word. I know I’m in a public place, so I start saying it in my head… it goes something like this…

Inner Voice : Apple…apple… apple………appleappleapple…. AAAAAAAAApple… apple… ple ple ple…. PLE !

I then start mouthing the words… sometimes, if I’m unlucky, I accidentally say it out loud… after which I start humming or singing, just to cover up. People sing for no reason, right?

People around me will ask me questions like “why are you so happy?” or “what’s with the singing?”… I just tell them the song is stuck in my head… though, I know they are wondering since when does the lyrics have the word ‘apple’ in it…

I’m not alone though… there are people in my family who ‘suffer’ from the same problem. I won’t mention who they are though, since they might not be better at covering it up and are quite happy with people not knowing about it… I actually have a family member who used to wash her hands non-stop… she would be there at the sink until somebody tells her to stop… it got to a point where the skin on her hands were in really bad shape because of excessive washing. (I guess there is such a thing as ‘too clean’.)

I guess it’s not really that bad… I don’t have the urge to touch every street light as I walk down the street (well, not that often, anyway). But I think these little quirks make me who I am. It adds yet another dimension to my personality. Quite a number of people are entertained by my quirks… so if it doesn’t hurt me, yet brings joy to other normal (and boring) people, then I guess it’s a good thing.

Of course, can’t forget another silver lining to this so called cloud. In some cases, OCD will cause the ‘sufferer’ to have above average intelligence… I’ll just leave it at that…

What I’m trying to say is, be happy with who you are. Society has come up with a lot of ways to classify a person, both good and bad with relation to the ‘norm’. But you have to realize that it doesn’t matter what others say. What’s important is what you think and how you feel about yourself. Look at me… I may have a mental disorder, and I like it. Makes it easier to find happiness this way…

Enuff said… said… said… saidsaidsaid….sa-yed… saaaaaa-yeeeed…

When I Grow Up…

I think I stopped growing when I was 12 years old. I’m not talking about physically or mentally. It’s my personality.

About a week ago, I went to my vendor’s office to pick up some documents on my way to lunch. I hadn’t been to that office in quite a long time… so all the new people have never met me. They have however spoken to me on the phone on numerous occasions. So, I walk in and the first person I met had this look on her face. It was as if she was dying to ask me ‘are you lost?’… I think she was about to ask me when her manager called out to me…

Everybody in the office (who didn’t know how I looked like) was just standing there, wondering who I was… because I actually looked like a fresh graduate, looking for a job (this was what they told the manager). Now, what made me look like a fresh graduate was my ‘young’ looking face, but also the way I acted. I was joking around with some of the managers, went for a quick smoke with the director (smoking is bad for you – TAK NAK! *this has been a public service announcement by the great people at ‘Yet Another Decade’) and generally acting like a small kid.

When they later found out from the manager who I was, they couldn’t believe it. They know I joke around a lot on the phone, but it seems that I have this ‘air of maturity and authority’ when I’m talking about work. So they expected somebody who ‘looked’ older…

Over the last few months, I’ve started to realize that I do have a ‘childish’ personality. I laugh a lot, joke around, and I’m generally easy going. It’s a good thing and bad thing. First, the bad part… I’m afraid people won’t take me seriously… heck, I don’t even take myself seriously… simplest example are credit card sales people in shopping malls. They will approach pretty much everybody who walks past their booth. They even follow people around. But yet, if I’m not in office attire, they don’t give me a second glance… I look like a kid and I act like a kid… that’s including when I walk around with MY kid… of course, to most people (including me) that’s a good thing. So people don’t bother you… but what if this ‘childish’ outlook affects people’s perception of me during business meetings…??

The bad part seems really bad… need the good part to cheer myself up…

Now the good thing about being a bit on the childish side is that people let their guard down… to them, there is no longer a need to be firm, serious and guarded if they are dealing with ‘a child’… never, ever underestimate a child (I actually learned that from dealing with my son… but that’s a different story).

I find that the easiest way to get somebody to agree with you is to push the idea forward in a very light, joke laden way… oh yeah, also with a nice child like smile (not the dishonest ‘I’m gonna cheat you’ creepy kind of smile). People respond better to child like innocence…

Now don’t get me wrong… I don’t manipulate people in order to get what I want… I just deal with people in a way that I’m comfortable with… and thank goodness, my way makes people comfortable as well.

Well, almost everybody… some people confuse the happiness with being gay… I’ve actually been asked if I was gay several times… but that, of course, is a different story.

How I act was not learned in self help books… it comes naturally… I guess it’s because I was raised in a very loving environment in terms of family… I guess the more you were loved as a child, the happier you are as an adult. And that translates into a more cheerful personality which may be perceived as childish behavior. You guys should see what it’s like when I’m around my sisters… it’s like a bunch of 12-year olds hanging out together, with the laughing and joking around.

I wonder how many kids say ‘when I grow up, I want to be a kid’…