Doormat

My son just started kindergarten this year. So he’s beginning to learn how to read. The other day, he was doing his homework and reading it out loud. It was a page of words with the picture depicting the word. So it went a little like this:

C-A-T…. cat
B-A-T…. bat
M-A-T.... alas kaki

You see, there was a picture of a doormat there... and well, I guess my son still hasn’t learned how to read just yet… (For those who don’t know Malay, ‘alas kaki’ means doormat).

Now what does this story have to do with this blog post?

Absolutely nothing.

Well, it’s a cute story… ok, there’s a slight relation to this post… but the doormat I’m referring to is actually the type of person…

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless (just because she’s a doormat, doesn’t mean I have to step on her as well). She has a problem saying no. Now don’t get any ideas… she won’t sleep with you… err… I think. Anyway, no matter how she’s inconvenienced, she will not say no. There was a time when a total stranger came up to her in a bookstore. Chatted with her for a while and asked for her number. She did not want to give it. After all, she was at the bookstore with her boyfriend. It’s kinda inappropriate. Plus, the guy wasn’t ‘interesting’… but, being the doormat that she is, she says ‘ok… it’s 01x-xxx xxxx’. Then runs back to her boyfriend to tell him what happened.

At least she’s honest.

I do believe there’s a limit to being ‘a nice person’. You have to be able to draw your line. I know of several people who have stayed in abusive relationships, both physically and mentally, just because the other person tells them to stay.

I can’t say that it’s easy to break free of being a doormat… I’m one myself… there are just times when I would ‘take one for the team’… kind of funny how it’s always the same person who ‘takes one’.

I guess it’s a self-esteem issue. You’re overcompensating for your so called ‘inadequacies’. By giving in, you feel that the other person will appreciate you more, even with your ‘flaws’… sad isn’t it?

Amazingly, I don’t have any advice to give… I’m a doormat myself. But if you don’t love yourself, why would anybody love you?

T-H-E E-N-D…. dah abis....

Nice Guys Finish Last

I sometimes believe in Karma… you know… ‘do good things, and good things happen to you.’ For example, give a homeless guy some spare change, and you suddenly get a ‘performance bonus’ in your next paycheck…

I also believe in the fact that ‘life is fair’… for example, have you ever noticed that really good looking people don’t sound very good on the phone… or with every couple, there’s almost always one good looking one and one… err… ‘less good looking’…

These first two ‘rules of life’ are good, fair and let us live in harmony… but then life would be too easy, wouldn’t it. Unfortunately there’s one really awful rule that sometimes come into play… it’s the ever evil ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’.

Another term for a nice guy would be ‘doormat’. You see, you start off by being nice… but you over do it… you are nicer than the average person. You start forgetting about ‘win-win’ solutions, instead, you opt for ‘they win – you bang your head on the wall’. But being the nice guy that you are, you say nothing, and just swallow that bitter pill.

Soon, you even give up the things/ideals that are important to you. And then you loose all sense of self esteem and are, in essence, somebody’s bitch.

Of course, by that time, it’s too late. You can’t change the dynamics of your relationship now. Can’t suddenly expect to grow a pair, and expect the other person to suddenly respect you.

I sound bitter, don’t I? To tell you the truth, I WAS. Please note the past tense here…

I realized that a person who takes advantage of the ‘nice guy’ is just insecure… they don’t have it all together… they need a ‘punching bag’, so to speak. If that person was strong, they wouldn’t need to overcompensate for their shortcomings by treating other people badly… they would be, well, nice…

Being a nice guy means you’re a rock… you are confident… you can handle a lot of shit… you’re the hero in all this…

So let’s look at the big picture. By being the ‘doormat’, you are actually being the stronger person. You are basically helping the other person cope with life, because they are just unable to do it on their own.

Sure it’s sometimes a pain, but if you look at it as helping someone, then to me, it is pretty much worth it. After all, you do nice things for others, nice things happen to you…