Happy Birthday to Me... Happy Birthday to Me... Happy Birthday to Yet Another Decade!! Happy Birthday to Me!!!
Yes, it's that time of year again. My birthday. I'm 32 this year...
This also means that it's the 2nd year anniversary of "Yet Another Decade"... I know those of you who look at the tiny details will say that it hasn't been two years since I started the blog... BUT, I did plan on starting it when I turned 30... and it's the intentions that matters... right?
Anyway, it's been a really great year for me... I won't dwell too much on that, since I've already written about it in a post called "As Luck Would Have It..."... (at least in the first paragraph)...
This year I've decided to go into hiding during my birthday... this is to avoid any situations that would somehow screw up my birthday... so far, I've had a great time doing absolutely NOTHING... I guess for a person that cannot stand still, doing nothing is a very welcomed rest.
This birthday is not so much about celebration... it's about being thankful for all the great things that happened to me in this one year... I started it on a bad note (no, I'm not going to tell you guys what happened). But in retrospect, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I would like to thank my friends and family who have been there for me this year... without all of you, I'm sure I would be a bitter 30-something guy who hates the world... but instead, I'm happy to be 32 this year... with a heart that's 21... and looking forward to year number 33.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 3
If you're already here at Lesson 3, then you should really look into where you get your relationship advice... I'm not saying you shouldn't read this blog, or shouldn't buy the book when it comes out (if it ever comes out)... I'm saying that every relationship is different. There is no hard and fast rule about what the logical next step should be. You should always go with whatever your heart says when it comes to a relationship... of course, if you've been single for the past decade, then a little help from this guide couldn't hurt.
Assuming that your first date went well, then the both of you are probably gonna give it a try... so now, you're actually 'seeing' someone. I wouldn't start putting lables like "dating, couple, boyfriend, girlfriend, love interest" and etc just yet... you've just gotten past the first date... now take it nice and slow... what's your rush?
It baffles me when some of my friends go out with somebody once, and already considers that person their boyfriend/girlfriend... I feel like that's way to fast... being a couple requires commitment. How could you possibly decide to commit to somebody after just one date?
I know, to each his own... you might argue that sometimes you can feel like that person is 'the one'... if it wasn't possible, than how would I explain 'love at first sight'?
I know I've written about this 'phenomena' before... can't remember where... but the gist of it is that I don't believe in such things... there's 'infatuation at first sight', 'horny at first sight', 'like at first sight'... but no such thing as 'love at first sight'... love requires understanding somebody, trusting them, letting them see you at you lowest lows and highest highs... how do you get all that from one date?
Anyway, these next few weeks or months will be the time that you both get to know each other a little better... don't try too hard. You might be tempted to buy gifts for the other person, or leave cute notes, or send nude pictures of yourself... go ahead, but do only what you feel is something you can do for the rest of your life. You do not want to 'wow' the other person, but when you're in fully committed relationship with them, you stop doing it... that will just ruin things between you two at a time when it means a lot more to be together.
Also, don't be a lazy bum... I know some people say 'you should love me for who I am'... but that's really pushing your luck. If you care for a person, you would make some concessions or sacrifices. Again, these are things you can do for the rest of your life...
Confusing, right? Do something for the other person, but don't do too much, or too little... Unfortunately, there's no way to quantify this. You have to find a balance that's comfortable to both of you. You don't want to leave the other person wanting, nor do you want to suffocate them.
It's a fine balance that you have to achieve... and that's why not all relationships work out... you don't find that balance... trying to figure out that balance early before you commit is the key... of course, most of us ignore the signs... we then get into a fully committed relationship, and somewhere down the line, break up. It's the need in society to label people as a 'couple' that makes us rush into things... it's like reading the first chapter of a book, then skipping right to the last one... we have no idea what happened in the story. How are you supposed to make a decision on whether the book was good?
So where do you go from here?
If you can't find that balance, go to Lesson 1
If you can find that balance, go to Lesson 4
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| Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
It baffles me when some of my friends go out with somebody once, and already considers that person their boyfriend/girlfriend... I feel like that's way to fast... being a couple requires commitment. How could you possibly decide to commit to somebody after just one date?
I know, to each his own... you might argue that sometimes you can feel like that person is 'the one'... if it wasn't possible, than how would I explain 'love at first sight'?
I know I've written about this 'phenomena' before... can't remember where... but the gist of it is that I don't believe in such things... there's 'infatuation at first sight', 'horny at first sight', 'like at first sight'... but no such thing as 'love at first sight'... love requires understanding somebody, trusting them, letting them see you at you lowest lows and highest highs... how do you get all that from one date?
Anyway, these next few weeks or months will be the time that you both get to know each other a little better... don't try too hard. You might be tempted to buy gifts for the other person, or leave cute notes, or send nude pictures of yourself... go ahead, but do only what you feel is something you can do for the rest of your life. You do not want to 'wow' the other person, but when you're in fully committed relationship with them, you stop doing it... that will just ruin things between you two at a time when it means a lot more to be together.
Also, don't be a lazy bum... I know some people say 'you should love me for who I am'... but that's really pushing your luck. If you care for a person, you would make some concessions or sacrifices. Again, these are things you can do for the rest of your life...
Confusing, right? Do something for the other person, but don't do too much, or too little... Unfortunately, there's no way to quantify this. You have to find a balance that's comfortable to both of you. You don't want to leave the other person wanting, nor do you want to suffocate them.
It's a fine balance that you have to achieve... and that's why not all relationships work out... you don't find that balance... trying to figure out that balance early before you commit is the key... of course, most of us ignore the signs... we then get into a fully committed relationship, and somewhere down the line, break up. It's the need in society to label people as a 'couple' that makes us rush into things... it's like reading the first chapter of a book, then skipping right to the last one... we have no idea what happened in the story. How are you supposed to make a decision on whether the book was good?
So where do you go from here?
If you can't find that balance, go to Lesson 1
If you can find that balance, go to Lesson 4
Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 2
You're on a roll now, aren't you? You were cool... you were smooth... you got the first date.
Now some of you might be thinking that this is more of for guys... I talked about how to approach the target, how to get the first date, etc... if you think that, then you're living in the 1920's... women won the right to work, the right to vote... now they have the right to ask guys (or girls, depending on their orientation), out.
Now back to the first date.
You might want to avoid a movie... you see, I used to do that... I meet a girl that I want to get to know, so I ask her out and take her to see a movie... big mistake!
Why is it a big mistake? You see, the first date is all about judging whether or not you two (or three and above... again, depending on your orientation) actually click together... if you're going to pursue a relationship, you have to know if that person is fun to talk to, interesting, have an annoying laugh, chews with their mouth open, etc. The problem with a movie is that... well... you both just stare at the screen. That's two hours into the date that you spend without talking to each other.
I've got a story... (of course I do)... this happened a long time ago... I asked this girl out and we went to see a movie. First problem : there was really nothing good playing, but because somewhere in my head, it's customary to go see a movie on a first date, I bought tickets to 'Kull The Conqueror'. I'm not saying that it was a bad movie, because I don't do movie reviews here on this blog. But it was really bad. Now, during the movie, I couldn't defend my choice of movie because, well, can't talk during a movie.
To make matters worse, I kept on having to go to the gents. The girl seriously thought that I was so nervous about the date that it caused the frequent trips to the gents. In actual fact, I've got a small bladder... but there was no way of correcting the facts (though bladder issues aren't the best conversation topics on dates) because we had to be quiet during the movie...
So, two hours into the first date, she thinks I've got bad taste in movies and I'm nervous till I have to pee. Not exactly the best impression.
For the first date, it's best to stick with a situation where you can talk in a relaxed environment... a simple meal or coffee would be great... this way, you spend the critical first few hours getting to know each other... that's what the first date is all about...
Oh yeah, before I forget, I should remind you to NOT BRING YOUR FRIENDS. The first date is all about getting to know each other... not your friends. Plus, you don't need extra judging eyes at the table. Two pairs are more than enough...
It's best to keep the first date as simple as possible... don't think too much about the implications... after all, it's just the deciding factor of whether or not you're going to give a relationship a chance... errr... well... might be a bit important.
Now, get yourself on that first date... after that, you'll have to decide whether you can proceed to Lesson 3, or head back to Lesson 1.
Now some of you might be thinking that this is more of for guys... I talked about how to approach the target, how to get the first date, etc... if you think that, then you're living in the 1920's... women won the right to work, the right to vote... now they have the right to ask guys (or girls, depending on their orientation), out.
Now back to the first date.
You might want to avoid a movie... you see, I used to do that... I meet a girl that I want to get to know, so I ask her out and take her to see a movie... big mistake!
Why is it a big mistake? You see, the first date is all about judging whether or not you two (or three and above... again, depending on your orientation) actually click together... if you're going to pursue a relationship, you have to know if that person is fun to talk to, interesting, have an annoying laugh, chews with their mouth open, etc. The problem with a movie is that... well... you both just stare at the screen. That's two hours into the date that you spend without talking to each other.
I've got a story... (of course I do)... this happened a long time ago... I asked this girl out and we went to see a movie. First problem : there was really nothing good playing, but because somewhere in my head, it's customary to go see a movie on a first date, I bought tickets to 'Kull The Conqueror'. I'm not saying that it was a bad movie, because I don't do movie reviews here on this blog. But it was really bad. Now, during the movie, I couldn't defend my choice of movie because, well, can't talk during a movie.
To make matters worse, I kept on having to go to the gents. The girl seriously thought that I was so nervous about the date that it caused the frequent trips to the gents. In actual fact, I've got a small bladder... but there was no way of correcting the facts (though bladder issues aren't the best conversation topics on dates) because we had to be quiet during the movie...
So, two hours into the first date, she thinks I've got bad taste in movies and I'm nervous till I have to pee. Not exactly the best impression.
 |
| Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Oh yeah, before I forget, I should remind you to NOT BRING YOUR FRIENDS. The first date is all about getting to know each other... not your friends. Plus, you don't need extra judging eyes at the table. Two pairs are more than enough...
It's best to keep the first date as simple as possible... don't think too much about the implications... after all, it's just the deciding factor of whether or not you're going to give a relationship a chance... errr... well... might be a bit important.
Now, get yourself on that first date... after that, you'll have to decide whether you can proceed to Lesson 3, or head back to Lesson 1.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Syam's Dating Guide : Lesson 1
I was complaining the other day (okay, I complain most days) about how I haven't started writing my book and began my career as a starving artist... (now, I'm just a starving consultant)... my problem is I haven't decided what to write about... so my friend tells me to write a bunch of short pieces about relationships, just like this blog.
First impression is always the most important. You don't want to look like a total moron, unless of course the 'target' likes morons... (you'll be surprised at how many people fall for moronic behaviour... I have a 'pizza hut' story which would serve as a perfect example, but won't share it with you guys until after I tell the story during the couple's wedding).
There is of course the very opposite end of the spectrum on how to 'break the ice' with that target of yours... people like somebody funny... you have to admit that you are more comfortable with a person if he's easy going, cracking jokes... releases all the tension...
I have an example... (of course I do...). This happened a long time ago... my friend told me of his experience in trying to get a date with this hot older girl... it wasn't his idea... he had a bunch of friends responsible for that decision.
Anyway, he goes to the convenience store and get a mini candy bar... Cloud 9, for those who remember it. Not a whole candy bar, but a mini one. Then he goes up to her while she was with all her friends... daring... and he immediately goes into this speech... (the speech was in Malay, but I'll give the loose translation instead)... now imagine the goofiest looking 17 year old going up to a hot older girl who's hanging out with her friends...
Friend : XX
Hot Older Girl : yes?
Friend : Please accept this candy bar as a token of my love for you... I know that it is not much of an offering for you deserve so much more, but it is everything that I can give right now... and everything is what you'll get from me if we are together... would you like to go out with me?
Hot Older Girl : hahahahahahaha... okay...
It was original... it was funny... so she said yes... (by the way, they never went out... a few minutes later, she saw my friend being carried around like a conquering hero by his friends for getting a date with her... she was not amused)...
There's many different ways for you to get the attention of the one you like... there's really no set formula on what works best. My best advice to you is to be yourself. If you were to start with a fake personality, then you have to continue faking it for the entire relationship... either that or disappoint the other person when they find out that you are not the same person that they initially liked...
There's always something good about every person... and there is at least one person out there who will see it during the first meeting... so relax, be yourself, and get your foot in the door.
Sounded like a good idea because I'm really horrible at relationships... but as they say, 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach'... So this leads us to the subject of this post... I'm going to write a series of posts about what dating is... a step by step guide on the do's, don'ts and the wtf's... after that I'll put it all into a book.
Of course the book will be the full version, with more goodies inside (I'm going to resort to putting marijuana samples inside to boost sales... plus I'm pretty sure it's more fun to read if you're stoned)... that way, you'll still want to go out and buy it...
Of course the book will be the full version, with more goodies inside (I'm going to resort to putting marijuana samples inside to boost sales... plus I'm pretty sure it's more fun to read if you're stoned)... that way, you'll still want to go out and buy it...
Class, our first lesson is...
Lesson 1 : Getting Your Foot in the Door
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| Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
You want to be cool, but not winter type of cold... reminds me of what happened to me the first week I entered university... we were all lining up to register for something... everybody was dressed in old t-shirts, jeans and sandals... I decided to go all with a more stylish look...
I can't really remember what I was wearing, but I do remember the sunglasses (it was sunny, and we were outside). I was in my "I'm cool and I don't give a damn what you think" phase (that phase lasted about two weeks). There were three girls behind me... one was hot and the other two were not bad...
I can't really remember what I was wearing, but I do remember the sunglasses (it was sunny, and we were outside). I was in my "I'm cool and I don't give a damn what you think" phase (that phase lasted about two weeks). There were three girls behind me... one was hot and the other two were not bad...
So the hot one starts talking to me... imagine three girls with an "OMG! He's so cool!" look and me with the most arrogant facial expression you've ever seen...
Hot Girl : hi... you're Syam, right?
Me : yeah...
Hot Girl : i'm (name1) and this is (name2) and (name3)
Me : hmmm...
Hot Girl : you're from XX college, right?
Me : yup...
Hot Girl : so your taking YY course, right?
Me : yup...
As you can see from this example, I was a total ass... unable to have a simple conversation... suffice to say, I did not end up with Hot Girl... in fact, never spoke to her ever again, though I did see her around...
There is of course the very opposite end of the spectrum on how to 'break the ice' with that target of yours... people like somebody funny... you have to admit that you are more comfortable with a person if he's easy going, cracking jokes... releases all the tension...
I have an example... (of course I do...). This happened a long time ago... my friend told me of his experience in trying to get a date with this hot older girl... it wasn't his idea... he had a bunch of friends responsible for that decision.
Anyway, he goes to the convenience store and get a mini candy bar... Cloud 9, for those who remember it. Not a whole candy bar, but a mini one. Then he goes up to her while she was with all her friends... daring... and he immediately goes into this speech... (the speech was in Malay, but I'll give the loose translation instead)... now imagine the goofiest looking 17 year old going up to a hot older girl who's hanging out with her friends...
Friend : XX
Hot Older Girl : yes?
Friend : Please accept this candy bar as a token of my love for you... I know that it is not much of an offering for you deserve so much more, but it is everything that I can give right now... and everything is what you'll get from me if we are together... would you like to go out with me?
Hot Older Girl : hahahahahahaha... okay...
It was original... it was funny... so she said yes... (by the way, they never went out... a few minutes later, she saw my friend being carried around like a conquering hero by his friends for getting a date with her... she was not amused)...
There's many different ways for you to get the attention of the one you like... there's really no set formula on what works best. My best advice to you is to be yourself. If you were to start with a fake personality, then you have to continue faking it for the entire relationship... either that or disappoint the other person when they find out that you are not the same person that they initially liked...
There's always something good about every person... and there is at least one person out there who will see it during the first meeting... so relax, be yourself, and get your foot in the door.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Silent Voices
I was going through my blog just now... I still can't figure out how to fully configure the template to get it just the way I want it to be... this is what happens when you have basic IT knowledge, but yet you want to reach the masses through the virtual world.
That was a boring introduction, wasn't it? Let's try again.
I was going through my blog just now... it's amazing what I read between the lines... you see, this blog is about my opinions at different stages of my life... I may give you, my readers, a peak into other people's lives, but hardly ever is it into mine. I can't tell you about me some of the events that I go through... that would be an invasion of my privacy (though it would be weird that I invaded my own privacy).
There were very significant events in my life in these past two years that I've kept this blog, but unfortunately I don't share them with you. I'll save it for my future best selling autobiography.
There are two different types of people in this world... the type who like to talk about their lives and those who don't. I would have to be the former... I do like to tell my stories... though who I tell it to depends on what type of relationship I have with them. If it's a client, then I wouldn't tell them anything more than who I work for... with close friends, even the smallest details like how I felt at that moment.
Whatever it is, I still feel the need to talk to someone about everything... I need to share my happiness and my grief... I can't keep everything bottled up inside... it would probably drive me insane...
What's scary are those people who do not like to talk about themselves... they keep their problems all bottled up.
When I was an undergrad, I had this one friend. We weren't very close. She was my age. One night she got really sick... she couldn't move. So, we rushed her to the hospital. Turned out to be 'blood poisoning'. They couldn't pinpoint how it happened so they let her go.
Several years later, I found out that she tried to kill herself. It made sense now. That time when she 'sick' was actually a suicide attempt.
I don't know what was bothering her, but it drove her to that... I don't know what she's up to now, but I do hope that she's found somebody that she can talk to about her problems.
We don't live alone in this world. There's always somebody there to talk to. You might not have the family or the friends, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and willing to help.
I know that this is a dark topic, which is a rarity for my blog. But it has to be said. Exam season is upon us and it is really sad when you read about a school kid committing suicide because of the pressure.
If you are uncomfortable about talking to someone, then write a blog...
If you need help, there are several organisations that can help. One that I know of is Befrienders Worldwide. Their website is www.befrienders.org.my (for Malaysia).
That was a boring introduction, wasn't it? Let's try again.
I was going through my blog just now... it's amazing what I read between the lines... you see, this blog is about my opinions at different stages of my life... I may give you, my readers, a peak into other people's lives, but hardly ever is it into mine. I can't tell you about me some of the events that I go through... that would be an invasion of my privacy (though it would be weird that I invaded my own privacy).
There were very significant events in my life in these past two years that I've kept this blog, but unfortunately I don't share them with you. I'll save it for my future best selling autobiography.
There are two different types of people in this world... the type who like to talk about their lives and those who don't. I would have to be the former... I do like to tell my stories... though who I tell it to depends on what type of relationship I have with them. If it's a client, then I wouldn't tell them anything more than who I work for... with close friends, even the smallest details like how I felt at that moment.
Whatever it is, I still feel the need to talk to someone about everything... I need to share my happiness and my grief... I can't keep everything bottled up inside... it would probably drive me insane...
What's scary are those people who do not like to talk about themselves... they keep their problems all bottled up.
 |
| Image: savit keawtavee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Several years later, I found out that she tried to kill herself. It made sense now. That time when she 'sick' was actually a suicide attempt.
I don't know what was bothering her, but it drove her to that... I don't know what she's up to now, but I do hope that she's found somebody that she can talk to about her problems.
We don't live alone in this world. There's always somebody there to talk to. You might not have the family or the friends, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and willing to help.
I know that this is a dark topic, which is a rarity for my blog. But it has to be said. Exam season is upon us and it is really sad when you read about a school kid committing suicide because of the pressure.
If you are uncomfortable about talking to someone, then write a blog...
If you need help, there are several organisations that can help. One that I know of is Befrienders Worldwide. Their website is www.befrienders.org.my (for Malaysia).
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Cold War
This morning, I read something interesting on facebook... it was my friend's status...
Yes, in this new age, I get my inspiration for writing from facebook status messages... to tell you the truth, that's all I have time to read nowadays...
Anyway, the status read like this (of course I'm paraphrasing, because I don't want to pay royalty) : if you and your partner were in the middle of a 'cold war', would you make the effort to patch things up, or would you wait for the other person?
I say you should wait it out and make the other person SUFFER!!
I'm just kidding... since when have I been so cruel?
There are actually a few ways at looking at this predicament...
1. If you ignore something long enough, it will go away by itself... now, I have always been a firm believer in "I don't know how, but things have a way of working itself out"... It's actually the lazy man's solution to everything. Amazingly, in some cases, it does work out for the best. The problem is whether you are willing to take that risk.
An example of this would be a growth on your neck which keeps on getting bigger... you can wait for it to go away by itself, but most likely, you will die.
You must be able to weigh the situation, and use this method only if the risks are negligible... there are 'problems' in a relationships for which this applies... for example, a partner who wouldn't take out the trash when you ask them to... how long could it possibly last? A day at most? Plus, they'll learn a smelly lesson...
By the way, I've tried this method with my credit card bills... doesn't work.
2. Some things are better left unsaid... put it this way... you've agreed to disagree... of course, this is not the ideal solution to a problem, but sometimes it can't be avoided. There is no point in trying to have the last say about the situation.
But... (of course there's a 'but'), both of you need some time sort things out internally... you need the time to evaluate the effects of the disagreement on your relationship. This takes time, and is usually done with the usual 'silent treatment'... of course, when you both decide that it's okay if neither of you win and you should move on, then the cold war ends... no effort required.
Please note that a move to patch things up early by either party will cause dissatisfaction from the other party for breach of terms of cease fire... (is this a blog or a legal document?)
3. Buddy, you've got issues... if you're here, then most probably you guys don't talk things out... so many things are left unsaid, and the issue festers inside. This usually happens when one person has a big issue, and the other person has no idea... who's fault... obviously the former... What? You think everybody can read your mind?
Even though it may seem easier to 'not talk about it', it's better if you just have it out. If you are ready to 'end the war', so to speak, but the other person is not and you have no idea why, force it out of him/her. You might not like what you hear after that, but it's something that you have to listen to and deal with.
I have seen many situations where problems are swept under the rug in the relationship. One day, a tiny issue comes out and it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back. You'll feel like an idiot if your answer to 'Why did you guys break up?' is 'There were some issues but we finally broke up because she coughed while I was reading the newspaper.'
4. I need some lovin'... let's face it. All of us need attention. Some more than others. Starting a cold war is just a means to an end. You've got to learn to differentiate which ones are serious and which ones are just downright silly.
If your partner is being an ass and not talking to you for no good reason, then be the bigger person and give 'em some lovin'... candy, flowers, a night out, a lap dance... whatever tickles your fancy. Careful though... if it turns out to be no. 2 or no. 3, then you might just incur the wrath of your partner. So be absolutely sure of the situation before putting on that thong and strutting your stuff...
All things said and done, I strongly believe that the whole cold war/silent treatment thing is just a waste of valuable relationship time. Your time on earth is very short, and the time you have with a loved one is even shorter. Make every second count, for you'll never know when you might lose it all.
As the saying goes... "make love, not war"...
Yes, in this new age, I get my inspiration for writing from facebook status messages... to tell you the truth, that's all I have time to read nowadays...
 |
| Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
I say you should wait it out and make the other person SUFFER!!
I'm just kidding... since when have I been so cruel?
There are actually a few ways at looking at this predicament...
1. If you ignore something long enough, it will go away by itself... now, I have always been a firm believer in "I don't know how, but things have a way of working itself out"... It's actually the lazy man's solution to everything. Amazingly, in some cases, it does work out for the best. The problem is whether you are willing to take that risk.
An example of this would be a growth on your neck which keeps on getting bigger... you can wait for it to go away by itself, but most likely, you will die.
You must be able to weigh the situation, and use this method only if the risks are negligible... there are 'problems' in a relationships for which this applies... for example, a partner who wouldn't take out the trash when you ask them to... how long could it possibly last? A day at most? Plus, they'll learn a smelly lesson...
By the way, I've tried this method with my credit card bills... doesn't work.
2. Some things are better left unsaid... put it this way... you've agreed to disagree... of course, this is not the ideal solution to a problem, but sometimes it can't be avoided. There is no point in trying to have the last say about the situation.
But... (of course there's a 'but'), both of you need some time sort things out internally... you need the time to evaluate the effects of the disagreement on your relationship. This takes time, and is usually done with the usual 'silent treatment'... of course, when you both decide that it's okay if neither of you win and you should move on, then the cold war ends... no effort required.
Please note that a move to patch things up early by either party will cause dissatisfaction from the other party for breach of terms of cease fire... (is this a blog or a legal document?)
3. Buddy, you've got issues... if you're here, then most probably you guys don't talk things out... so many things are left unsaid, and the issue festers inside. This usually happens when one person has a big issue, and the other person has no idea... who's fault... obviously the former... What? You think everybody can read your mind?
Even though it may seem easier to 'not talk about it', it's better if you just have it out. If you are ready to 'end the war', so to speak, but the other person is not and you have no idea why, force it out of him/her. You might not like what you hear after that, but it's something that you have to listen to and deal with.
I have seen many situations where problems are swept under the rug in the relationship. One day, a tiny issue comes out and it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back. You'll feel like an idiot if your answer to 'Why did you guys break up?' is 'There were some issues but we finally broke up because she coughed while I was reading the newspaper.'
4. I need some lovin'... let's face it. All of us need attention. Some more than others. Starting a cold war is just a means to an end. You've got to learn to differentiate which ones are serious and which ones are just downright silly.
If your partner is being an ass and not talking to you for no good reason, then be the bigger person and give 'em some lovin'... candy, flowers, a night out, a lap dance... whatever tickles your fancy. Careful though... if it turns out to be no. 2 or no. 3, then you might just incur the wrath of your partner. So be absolutely sure of the situation before putting on that thong and strutting your stuff...
All things said and done, I strongly believe that the whole cold war/silent treatment thing is just a waste of valuable relationship time. Your time on earth is very short, and the time you have with a loved one is even shorter. Make every second count, for you'll never know when you might lose it all.
As the saying goes... "make love, not war"...
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