Silent Voices

I was going through my blog just now... I still can't figure out how to fully configure the template to get it just the way I want it to be... this is what happens when you have basic IT knowledge, but yet you want to reach the masses through the virtual world.

That was a boring introduction, wasn't it?  Let's try again.

I was going through my blog just now... it's amazing what I read between the lines... you see, this blog is about my opinions at different stages of my life... I may give you, my readers, a peak into other people's lives, but hardly ever is it into mine.  I can't tell you about me some of the events that I go through... that would be an invasion of my privacy (though it would be weird that I invaded my own privacy).

There were very significant events in my life in these past two years that I've kept this blog, but unfortunately I don't share them with you.  I'll save it for my future best selling autobiography.

There are two different types of people in this world... the type who like to talk about their lives and those who don't.  I would have to be the former... I do like to tell my stories... though who I tell it to depends on what type of relationship I have with them.  If it's a client, then I wouldn't tell them anything more than who I work for... with close friends, even the smallest details like how I felt at that moment.

Whatever it is, I still feel the need to talk to someone about everything... I need to share my happiness and my grief... I can't keep everything bottled up inside... it would probably drive me insane...

What's scary are those people who do not like to talk about themselves... they keep their problems all bottled up.

Image: savit keawtavee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I was an undergrad, I had this one friend.  We weren't very close.  She was my age.  One night she got really sick... she couldn't move.  So, we rushed her to the hospital.  Turned out to be 'blood poisoning'.  They couldn't pinpoint how it happened so they let her go.

Several years later, I found out that she tried to kill herself.  It made sense now.  That time when she 'sick' was actually a suicide attempt.

I don't know what was bothering her, but it drove her to that... I don't know what she's up to now, but I do hope that she's found somebody that she can talk to about her problems.

We don't live alone in this world.  There's always somebody there to talk to.  You might not have the family or the friends, but there are people out there who are willing to listen and willing to help.

I know that this is a dark topic, which is a rarity for my blog.  But it has to be said.  Exam season is upon us and it is really sad when you read about a school kid committing suicide because of the pressure.

If you are uncomfortable about talking to someone, then write a blog...

If you need help, there are several organisations that can help.  One that I know of is Befrienders Worldwide.  Their website is www.befrienders.org.my (for Malaysia).

Cold War

This morning, I read something interesting on facebook... it was my friend's status...

Yes, in this new age, I get my inspiration for writing from facebook status messages... to tell you the truth, that's all I have time to read nowadays...

Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Anyway, the status read like this (of course I'm paraphrasing, because I don't want to pay royalty) : if you and your partner were in the middle of a 'cold war', would you make the effort to patch things up, or would you wait for the other person?

I say you should wait it out and make the other person SUFFER!!

I'm just kidding... since when have I been so cruel?

There are actually a few ways at looking at this predicament...

1. If you ignore something long enough, it will go away by itself... now, I have always been a firm believer in "I don't know how, but things have a way of working itself out"... It's actually the lazy man's solution to everything.  Amazingly, in some cases, it does work out for the best.  The problem is whether you are willing to take that risk.

An example of this would be a growth on your neck which keeps on getting bigger... you can wait for it to go away by itself, but most likely, you will die.

You must be able to weigh the situation, and use this method only if the risks are negligible... there are 'problems' in a relationships for which this applies... for example, a partner who wouldn't take out the trash when you ask them to... how long could it possibly last? A day at most?  Plus, they'll learn a smelly lesson...

By the way, I've tried this method with my credit card bills... doesn't work.

2. Some things are better left unsaid... put it this way... you've agreed to disagree... of course, this is not the ideal solution to a problem, but sometimes it can't be avoided.  There is no point in trying to have the last say about the situation.

But... (of course there's a 'but'), both of you need some time sort things out internally... you need the time to evaluate the effects of the disagreement on your relationship.  This takes time, and is usually done with the usual 'silent treatment'... of course, when you both decide that it's okay if neither of you win and you should move on, then the cold war ends... no effort required.

Please note that a move to patch things up early by either party will cause dissatisfaction from the other party for breach of terms of cease fire... (is this a blog or a legal document?)

3. Buddy, you've got issues... if you're here, then most probably you guys don't talk things out... so many things are left unsaid, and the issue festers inside.  This usually happens when one person has a big issue, and the other person has no idea... who's fault... obviously the former... What? You think everybody can read your mind?

Even though it may seem easier to 'not talk about it', it's better if you just have it out.  If you are ready to 'end the war', so to speak, but the other person is not and you have no idea why, force it out of him/her.  You might not like what you hear after that, but it's something that you have to listen to and deal with.

I have seen many situations where problems are swept under the rug in the relationship.  One day, a tiny issue comes out and it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back.  You'll feel like an idiot if your answer to 'Why did you guys break up?' is 'There were some issues but we finally broke up because she coughed while I was reading the newspaper.'

4. I need some lovin'... let's face it.  All of us need attention.  Some more than others.  Starting a cold war is just a means to an end.  You've got to learn to differentiate which ones are serious and which ones are just downright silly.

If your partner is being an ass and not talking to you for no good reason, then be the bigger person and give 'em some lovin'... candy, flowers, a night out, a lap dance... whatever tickles your fancy.  Careful though... if it turns out to be no. 2 or no. 3, then you might just incur the wrath of your partner.  So be absolutely sure of the situation before putting on that thong and strutting your stuff...


All things said and done, I strongly believe that the whole cold war/silent treatment thing is just a waste of valuable relationship time.  Your time on earth is very short, and the time you have with a loved one is even shorter.  Make every second count, for you'll never know when you might lose it all.

As the saying goes... "make love, not war"...

You're a Big Boy Now...

It has finally happened.... my son is ashamed of me... not that I've done anything that he should be ashamed about... at least, nothing that he would understand at his age... but the usual shame of having your dad there at school in front of your friends...

Actually this has been going on for a while now, but I haven't gotten around to writing about it...

Anyway, my son is six years old... pre-school... at home he's the most loving and manja kid in the world... we would read together, watch tv together, play video games together, etc... always with the hugs and kisses... but at school... hmmm....

I have resorted to being the pathetic parent that can't seem to get enough of their kid... the other day I sent him to school.  He had some sort of pot luck event, so I helped him carry the food to his classroom... he was cool about it, even let me hold his hand all the way to his class.  When we got to his class, I whispered to him "can I have a kiss?"... he actually had an annoyed expression on his face.  But being the good son that he is, I got my kiss, though it probably embarrassed the heck out of him.

I know, I know... this happens to every parent... kids grow up, and parents are not cool.  But I thought I had at least until secondary school...

My son does seem to grow up too fast, and I only have myself to blame... you see, I've always spoken to my son like he's an adult... I answer his questions with full scientific explanations, I provide him with the rationale behind all my rules, I have never used 'baby-talk' with him, etc... don't get me wrong.... I never deprive him of my love... it's just that I'm very straightforward... here's an example of me 'disciplining' him...

Me : have you finished your homework?

Harith : ... not yet...

Me : what are you waiting for?

Harith : but I'm tired...

Me : concentrate on it and get it over with...  then you can rest...

Harith : but there's so much to do...

Me : fine... you don't have to do your homework.  but you better be willing to face your teacher tomorrow without your homework done.

Harith : ok, ok... I'll finish it....

I've hardly ever raised my voice and I've never hit him... and what do I get for that? AN ADULT SON!!

I guess I shouldn't complain... he's extremely well behaved compared to other kids out there who reinforce my dislike for kids... 

I just wish I had a few more 'baby' years with him... soon he'll be a teenager, then get his degree... find a job, get married and have a family of his own...

I know what I'm gonna do... show up at his office and give him a kiss... ;)

Selamat Hari Raya!

I know, I know... I even missed the last day of Raya. What did you expect? I love to procrastinate! :P

It's the thought that counts, right?

Anyway, from the Board of Directors (me), Management (me) and Staff (me) of Yet Another Decade, we (I) would like to wish all our (my) Muslim readers a Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

As Luck Would Have It...

I've had a string of good things happening to me the last few months... I've been brought back to KL, I've been given the opportunity to head up something new in the company, I've been promoted at work, I've had a chance to catch up with old friends who I've missed during all that time I was in Penang, my son is doing well in preschool, I had a great vacation with some friends, I had a great vacation with my family, I've had a chance to try new things that I've always wanted to such as bungee jumping, go-kart, paintball... the sun is shining, weather is great when I'm outside, it rains only when I'm inside, and rainbows are everywhere...

As you can see, I've been a happy camper...

But there must always be two sides to a coin... and when it rains, it pours... let's see what I've been going through lately...

1. sprained my wrist and left it for two weeks... suddenly couldn't move my wrist without experiencing extreme pain... have been wearing a wrist brace for the last few days

2. the parking management at my office had some mix up and took down my reserved signage... people kept on taking my space whenever I went out for an appointment...

3. haze in KL triggered my asthma... have been walking around with a ventolin inhaler for the past few days...

4. an old summons wasn't on the online system for the past 2 days... suddenly I get blacklisted and I only found out 2 days before my driver's license expires... only managed to get my license renewed a few days after it expired

5. got into a car accident yesterday... my foot slips and hits the accelerator while stopped at a traffic light... and so happens the car was in drive...

6. there was intermittent blackouts in my neighbourhood yesterday... I bought candles and fresh batteries for the flashlight... and when I changed the batteries, the light bulb in the flash light burns out...

That's a list of the things I can remember... I'm sure there are smaller things that I didn't notice...

I was stressed out about the string of 'bad luck' that I've been having lately... it seemed like it would never end... but then something happened this evening... actually it started this morning...

This morning I took the guy I hit to the workshop to get a quote on how much the repairs on his car would cost... he could take half a day off work to get it done... turns out that the repairs would take the whole day... he couldn't take the whole day off because he had tonnes of work, but also because he just joined the company two months ago... so, since he was working in downtown KL, I decided to drop him off on my way to work, and then pick him up and take him to his car after work... after all, the accident was definitely my fault...

So the day went by without any 'incidences'... and sent him to his car... he was happy with the work the workshop did... he's happy that I helped him get to work and home... he even got some career advice for his wife who wants to change jobs...

So this is what I realized... it's not about how many bad things happen to you... it's how you deal with out... you can either choose to be in a bad mood and curse the awful luck, or you can make the best out of the situation and come out of it with a smile...

I know what I did for the guy wasn't much... after all, I was the root of his problems... but the fact that I helped to ease somebody's burden made me feel better about my life... I have a lot of good things going on in my life, and I'm able to share that with a total stranger... and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I didn't have my string of bad luck that led to the accident.

I know my 'theory' is kinda shaky... but if you learn to look at the silver lining to every cloud, then you would generally be a happier person... and who wouldn't want that...

I'm feeling lucky... Genting, anyone?

I Am What I Am

Ideally, in love, you should accept the person for what he/she is… what makes love different than any other type of relationship is that it’s unconditional.

Take for an example the professional relationship you have with your boss. It’s based on your ability to provide a certain amount of work based on the amount of salary you get. If you don’t perform, you don’t say to your boss “but that’s the way I am, and you have to accept these shortcomings”… that would just get you one step closer to being fired…

From an initial observation, it would certainly seem that love is the best type of relationship… you don’t have to change… correct?

If that’s what you think, then you must be delusional…

Have you never heard of all those sappy love songs that go on and on about being a better person because they are in love? (an example of which is All 4 One’s “Better Man”). They all tell you that because you’re in love, you want to be a better person… because your loved one deserves an even better person than you already are.

But wait a minute… I thought that if you’re in love, then the other person will accept you for who you are, no matter how awful of a person you are… I bet Hitler’s wife loved him even though he did many bad things… So what’s the deal here? Are you supposed to change even though you don’t have to?

Here’s my two-cents worth (it may be worth less than that because I don’t seem to make any money off this blog)… just because you don’t have to change, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to be a better person… if being a better person will make your loved one happier, than why not do it?

Of course, whether you succeed in being a better person or not is secondary… the fact that you try makes all the difference… if you end up a failure when it comes to changing, then your loved one will accept you for who you are… but if you don’t care what your loved one thinks about you, and you don’t try… well, then it just makes you a total loser… a person who doesn’t even try…

Let me give you an example… (since I’m also quite confused with what I’ve written…)

Let’s say you have only passed secondary school… you work as a clerk, earning very little… you meet the girl of your dreams and you want to start a family… so you start thinking about how you will be able to support this family… you can:

a) a) Do absolutely nothing about it, and just tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

b) b) Go take night classes and earn your degree, get a better paying job and make your life together a bit easier…

c) c) Go take night classes, fail and still be in the same situation as before… so you tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

Now, I’m sure your loved one will love you regardless of which option happens… but option a) will surely piss them off… option c) would mean that you are stuck, but at least the person tried their best… and then it makes sense for them to love you, even though you are a failure… because that’s who you are…

It all comes down to whether you put in an effort or not... after all, love, like everything else in life, is something you work at...

So are you a failure or a loser?

3, 2, 1... Bungeeeeee

People always say that in order to get over your fears, you have to face it dead on. I have a fear of heights... I can't even get on a step ladder to change a light bulb without freaking out a bit...

So, I tried something extreme to get over my fear... bungy jumping.

Here's a video...

As you can see, I was scared out of my mind... but I still did it anyway. It was WICKED!

I guess that's the attitude that you have to take in life. There will always be things that you will be afraid of in life. But if you don't take the plunge (in my case, quite literally), you might be missing out on the possibility of something good in your life.

By the way, I'm still afraid of heights... I guess I'm going sky diving next...