As Luck Would Have It...

I've had a string of good things happening to me the last few months... I've been brought back to KL, I've been given the opportunity to head up something new in the company, I've been promoted at work, I've had a chance to catch up with old friends who I've missed during all that time I was in Penang, my son is doing well in preschool, I had a great vacation with some friends, I had a great vacation with my family, I've had a chance to try new things that I've always wanted to such as bungee jumping, go-kart, paintball... the sun is shining, weather is great when I'm outside, it rains only when I'm inside, and rainbows are everywhere...

As you can see, I've been a happy camper...

But there must always be two sides to a coin... and when it rains, it pours... let's see what I've been going through lately...

1. sprained my wrist and left it for two weeks... suddenly couldn't move my wrist without experiencing extreme pain... have been wearing a wrist brace for the last few days

2. the parking management at my office had some mix up and took down my reserved signage... people kept on taking my space whenever I went out for an appointment...

3. haze in KL triggered my asthma... have been walking around with a ventolin inhaler for the past few days...

4. an old summons wasn't on the online system for the past 2 days... suddenly I get blacklisted and I only found out 2 days before my driver's license expires... only managed to get my license renewed a few days after it expired

5. got into a car accident yesterday... my foot slips and hits the accelerator while stopped at a traffic light... and so happens the car was in drive...

6. there was intermittent blackouts in my neighbourhood yesterday... I bought candles and fresh batteries for the flashlight... and when I changed the batteries, the light bulb in the flash light burns out...

That's a list of the things I can remember... I'm sure there are smaller things that I didn't notice...

I was stressed out about the string of 'bad luck' that I've been having lately... it seemed like it would never end... but then something happened this evening... actually it started this morning...

This morning I took the guy I hit to the workshop to get a quote on how much the repairs on his car would cost... he could take half a day off work to get it done... turns out that the repairs would take the whole day... he couldn't take the whole day off because he had tonnes of work, but also because he just joined the company two months ago... so, since he was working in downtown KL, I decided to drop him off on my way to work, and then pick him up and take him to his car after work... after all, the accident was definitely my fault...

So the day went by without any 'incidences'... and sent him to his car... he was happy with the work the workshop did... he's happy that I helped him get to work and home... he even got some career advice for his wife who wants to change jobs...

So this is what I realized... it's not about how many bad things happen to you... it's how you deal with out... you can either choose to be in a bad mood and curse the awful luck, or you can make the best out of the situation and come out of it with a smile...

I know what I did for the guy wasn't much... after all, I was the root of his problems... but the fact that I helped to ease somebody's burden made me feel better about my life... I have a lot of good things going on in my life, and I'm able to share that with a total stranger... and I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I didn't have my string of bad luck that led to the accident.

I know my 'theory' is kinda shaky... but if you learn to look at the silver lining to every cloud, then you would generally be a happier person... and who wouldn't want that...

I'm feeling lucky... Genting, anyone?

I Am What I Am

Ideally, in love, you should accept the person for what he/she is… what makes love different than any other type of relationship is that it’s unconditional.

Take for an example the professional relationship you have with your boss. It’s based on your ability to provide a certain amount of work based on the amount of salary you get. If you don’t perform, you don’t say to your boss “but that’s the way I am, and you have to accept these shortcomings”… that would just get you one step closer to being fired…

From an initial observation, it would certainly seem that love is the best type of relationship… you don’t have to change… correct?

If that’s what you think, then you must be delusional…

Have you never heard of all those sappy love songs that go on and on about being a better person because they are in love? (an example of which is All 4 One’s “Better Man”). They all tell you that because you’re in love, you want to be a better person… because your loved one deserves an even better person than you already are.

But wait a minute… I thought that if you’re in love, then the other person will accept you for who you are, no matter how awful of a person you are… I bet Hitler’s wife loved him even though he did many bad things… So what’s the deal here? Are you supposed to change even though you don’t have to?

Here’s my two-cents worth (it may be worth less than that because I don’t seem to make any money off this blog)… just because you don’t have to change, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to be a better person… if being a better person will make your loved one happier, than why not do it?

Of course, whether you succeed in being a better person or not is secondary… the fact that you try makes all the difference… if you end up a failure when it comes to changing, then your loved one will accept you for who you are… but if you don’t care what your loved one thinks about you, and you don’t try… well, then it just makes you a total loser… a person who doesn’t even try…

Let me give you an example… (since I’m also quite confused with what I’ve written…)

Let’s say you have only passed secondary school… you work as a clerk, earning very little… you meet the girl of your dreams and you want to start a family… so you start thinking about how you will be able to support this family… you can:

a) a) Do absolutely nothing about it, and just tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

b) b) Go take night classes and earn your degree, get a better paying job and make your life together a bit easier…

c) c) Go take night classes, fail and still be in the same situation as before… so you tell your wife to be that the both of you are going to have a tougher than average life, but you both love each other no matter what

Now, I’m sure your loved one will love you regardless of which option happens… but option a) will surely piss them off… option c) would mean that you are stuck, but at least the person tried their best… and then it makes sense for them to love you, even though you are a failure… because that’s who you are…

It all comes down to whether you put in an effort or not... after all, love, like everything else in life, is something you work at...

So are you a failure or a loser?

3, 2, 1... Bungeeeeee

People always say that in order to get over your fears, you have to face it dead on. I have a fear of heights... I can't even get on a step ladder to change a light bulb without freaking out a bit...

So, I tried something extreme to get over my fear... bungy jumping.

Here's a video...

As you can see, I was scared out of my mind... but I still did it anyway. It was WICKED!

I guess that's the attitude that you have to take in life. There will always be things that you will be afraid of in life. But if you don't take the plunge (in my case, quite literally), you might be missing out on the possibility of something good in your life.

By the way, I'm still afraid of heights... I guess I'm going sky diving next...

Lack of Grief

Earlier this week, I had to deal with a death in the family… my aunt (my dad’s younger sister) passed away. She’s been sick for quite a while, so her passing wasn’t a surprised at all. I did get a chance to visit her in the hospital a few days before it happened, and it didn’t look good. I won’t go into the details out of respect for the family.

What I am going to talk about is how I feel about death… here it is… I feel nothing. I do admit that it’s sort of weird… ok, it’s more than weird… I noticed this many years ago. Whenever there was a death in the family, I didn’t feel the usual grief. At that time, my uncle (my dad’s elder brother) passed away.

It wasn’t like I didn’t care about him or he didn’t care about me. In fact, he was quite nice to me. I remember the first time my parents went for their Hajj. He was the first of my relatives to call and check up on me to make sure I was doing ok, since it was the first time I was going to be home alone for an extended amount of time.

But losing a caring uncle didn’t do anything to me… I thought back about when I lost my maternal grandfather, and then my paternal grandmother… again, nothing… since then, there have been a few more deaths in the family, without any emotional effect on me.

This makes it impossible for me to relate to a friend who has suffered a lost… when one tells me that they have lost a loved one, I take a lot of time trying to figure out the right words to console them, since I have never had the need for such words.

I know it’s weird… most people would agree it’s weird… well, only one person doesn’t think it’s weird… one of my friends say that it’s a good thing… that I accept death as part of life… that death is expected. I sort of agree with that…. But I would like to add the fact that, yes, death is expected… so you make the most of the time you have with those you love and care for.

To tell you the truth, this time around, things were a bit different. I’m not saying I’m totally cured of my insensitivity… but my aunt’s passing got me thinking.

You see, my aunt was a very nice person… in fact, I can’t think of a single incident in my whole entire life when she was not a nice, polite and caring person… I used to spend quite a lot of time at her house when I was younger, so I would say that I had a front row seat. Her kids all loved her, and spent a lot of time with her, even though they all have their own families now. They were all calm when she passed… I’m guessing it’s because they have no regrets about their relationship with their mother.

So back to what I was thinking… have I made sure that I won’t have any regrets when a loved one passes?

As I’ve written before in a previous post, I’m not exactly the poster boy for the concept of “a good son”… but I’m not just talking about my parents. This is about every relationship you have in your life… your immediate family and beyond…

Could I safely say that I can maintain this indifference towards death in the future? I doubt I can… to not feel grief would be a possibility… but to not feel remorse, now that’s going to be a challenge…

I'm not going to commit to a plan or anything... it's just something that needs to be pondered... and when the time comes, I hope I can do something about it...

Movin' Along

Bali was awesome!!

Wait up… did I mentioned the fact that I was going to Bali? Well, if I didn’t, then let me just tell you that… well… I went to Bali recently. (Thank you, Captain Obvious.)

We had a tour guide cum driver that made things much easier… seriously, I would have just gotten lost. All the roads look the same.

We did the whole t

ourist thing… visiting temples and landmarks… it was really lots of fun… for those who are on my Facebook, have a look at the pictures…

Anyway, one place that he took us to was the place where they shot “Eat, Pray, Love”. Well, we just had a look at it from on top of a hill. Ketut Liyer’s house is somewhere behind the yellow building in the picture… we didn’t actually go down because we had other places to see…

While I was looking at the place, it reminded me of the book… To tell you the truth, I’ve only attempted to read the book… I have the DVD, but never got around to watching it. The reason is, the story (the beginning part of it, at least) is so extremely depressing!

You see, Elizabeth went through a tough time in her life. She then went on this journey and wrote a book about it… for the book to have meaning, she would have to tell the reader what happened in her life. It’s not to say that everything mirrored my own life, but I could really relate to it.

There are events in my life that I’ve gone through which I would consider being a closed case… I’ve moved on, so to speak. But when I read the book, I started to relate the story to those same ‘closed cases’… and I ended up reopening those cases.

If they were happy memories, then I won’t mind a single bit. But these are things that I tried very hard at the time to move on from… and I thought I did. It turns out that I just merely forgot about it… focused my attention elsewhere. Those sad memories are still there, locked up in a little box at the back of my mind.

Now this got me thinking… have I ever actually moved on when a problem hits me? Or do I just forget? Is there even a difference?

I would have to say that to ‘move on’, you would have to be able to talk about the subject without feeling sad, depressed, remorse, etc… And I believe I can do that for most things from my past… but there are some things which continue to haunt me ‘till now…

Now don’t get me wrong… I don’t lose sleep over these things… it’s just that if it was ever brought up, then I would probably spend a good one week going over it again and again in my mind… then I forget… again.

I guess there are some skeletons that just remain in the closet your entire life… you have to gather enough strength to bring them out and bury them…

Got a shovel I can borrow?

Some Things Always Change…

I was downtown just now to get myself a new ‘baju melayu’… for those who don’t know what that is, it’s the traditional Malay outfit… mainly it’s used for special occasions nowadays, though some people still wear it on a daily basis.

I haven’t gotten a new one in years… in fact, the last time I had one made was when I got married. After that, I’ve just been reusing the few that I have… the reason is, well, I use it only twice a year. Kind of a waste of money to buy a new one every year… And the ones I get are not exactly cheap. I always get mine tailor made out of satin, at the same tailor I’ve been going to since I was small. And that’s not even including the ‘samping songket’ that goes along with it… I’m not that good at explaining things like that so here’s the wiki link for it à http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baju_Melayu

The reason I needed to get a new one for this year is because I’ve gained weight… for those who know me personally, I’m pretty sure you are all asking “what weight”? Well, I have… in all the wrong places… it’s one of those things (along with losing my hair) that I’ve always dreaded… my waist is now 33”… now that doesn’t sound bad, but consider the fact that I used to have a 28” waist…

I would like to say that the extra inches are from my ‘two-pack abs’ which has grown because of my time in the gym… let’s give it a good 2”… the rest, I’m afraid is flab!!

My day didn’t end there… I went for lunch at this biryani place on Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman… I’ve always liked the food there… and I haven’t been there in years… I would never pass up a chance to eat there whenever I was in the area…

Guess what? The food wasn’t as good as I remembered it! And the portions seem to have gotten smaller… I used to feel light headed after eating there because I ate too much… today, I was even a bit hungry afterwards…

I know you must be thinking that it’s because of my larger appetite nowadays… but seriously, it’s the size of the portions…

So there you go… in one day, two things that I didn’t think were ever going to change… well… changed…

In this fast paced world, change is of course inevitable… it’s the buzzword in the corporate world… heck, part of my job is change management… We know we need change, we know we need to change, but are we really prepared?

Of course it’s easier to say that we are in the workplace… we’ve got process flows, charts, diagrams, subject matter experts, consultants, market intelligence, blah blah blah… but what about in your personal life? Are you ready to deal with the changes there?

Take me for example… I used to smoke much more than I do now… could play sports once a year and have all the stamina required… heck, when I was playing softball during my undergrad days, I used to have a smoke with the pitcher at the end of innings… drove the coach nuts! But look at me now… I do smoke a lot less… but put me on a treadmill for more than five minutes, and I’ll be scrambling to find an oxygen tank… (actual words from me to my personal trainer at the gym : PLEASE!!! I’M DYING!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! *pant *pant).

We seem to never be ready for the changes in our personal life… you, as a person will change over time… the dynamics of your relationships will change over time… and you can’t expect things to always be the same. How many couples do you know used to be fun and outgoing, but now just sit at home and don’t mix around anymore…? How many couples do you know aren’t even together anymore?

We have to realize that change is not restricted to your professional life… if you don’t manage change properly at work, then at most is you take a few steps back in your career… nothing that you can’t get back… if you don’t manage change in your personal life, well… bonds relationships are harder to replace…

I really need to go to the gym...

Thats mean you understand! Congrates!

I would consider myself lucky. I was born into a family that speaks English at home. I was then brought up in Canada… so I would say that my spoken and written English can be considered ‘excellent’… Please don’t think that I’m vain… I’m just repeating what others said. I wouldn’t say my English is perfect… in fact, I don’t know a single grammar rule! Everything just ‘sounds right’…

Just now, I was helping my son with his homework (my son’s only in kindergarten, but he seems to have a truckload of homework every day), when he suddenly used the phrase “thats mean”… I almost blew a gasket…

For those who don’t know why I was so upset, the proper phrase should be “that means”… but it seems that half of the country gets it wrong… it’s embedded in Malaysian culture… culture is something that is the hardest to change… and I would say your culture will depend on where you’ve spent the most of your ‘learning years’… mine is a mixture of both Canadian and Malaysian culture (making me weirder than most…)

I’ve tried to make sure that my son doesn’t pick up these ‘unsavory’ aspects of Malaysian culture… I’ve always spoken to him in proper English… he only watches shows on Disney Channel, etc… My family speaks to him in proper English… you would think he would be well versed by now…

Unfortunately, I can’t keep him in a bubble his whole life… he has to go to school and be exposed to naughty kids, germs and viruses and of course, bad grammar...

I’m starting to feel that I send him out into the world to learn new things and gain new experiences, but at the same time, I wait for him to come home so I can undo the negative aspects… be it the flu virus, or the occasional bad grammar.

I know I can’t protect him forever… I just hope that I can provide him with enough of a foundation for him to take care of himself in the future…

On a lighter note, my son has been sitting beside me while I write this post… he asked what I was doing, so I told him that I was writing about him in my blog… took me a while to explain what a blog was… his conclusion – “I’m going to be in a novel?”

Soon, son...