Spoiled

I always write with the assumption that my readers actually know everything about me. Amazingly, I do get random visitors from cyberspace who don’t have a clue who I am. I would think that totally ignoring them and not giving a short background story before rambling on about an aspect of my life would be, for lack of a better word, stupid. That would be like turning on the tv and watching ‘Lost’ for the first time and starting at episode 27. You would lose interest pretty quickly...

So here’s a little background on me... (I’m not going to go on and on about my entire life story, just the part that has something to do with this blog post).

I do NOT like kids. I think they are messy, noisy, etc , etc... When I was younger, I would always say that the minimum number of kids I’ll have is none, with a maximum of one. Now you have to understand something... it’s not that I hate them and run away screaming when I see one. I’m actually quite nice to them (because it would be impolite to be otherwise)... and they seem to love me... really, they won’t stop hanging around me...

Now, I do have nieces and nephews who read my blog... you guys are probably saying “OMG! He HATES us!!” So before you go all grumpy on me, let me clarify something... I love you guys because you’re family... I’m just not too wild with the fact that you’re kids...

Anyway, back to me... even though I don’t like kids, I do have one... a five-year old boy... the love of my life... there are no words that can describe how much I love my son (you parents know what I mean). To me, he’ll always be my baby boy, and I love that he’s the cute kid that he is...

Now that you’ve got the background, let’s get on with the story...

I was at McDonalds with my son on Friday... it was just the two of us... so it went as usual... he wanted fries, so I made him promise to eat the main meal as well. Got him a happy meal... etc etc....

Anyway, I set everything up for him, so he started eating his fries. Now, he did not touch his fried chicken (we’ll debate eating fried chicken at a burger place instead of a fried chicken place later)... so I had to break of pieces of the chicken and ‘feed’ him... then I realised something...

He’s five-years old... he’s already going to school... he can count, add, subtract, read some words, write some words, play video games, watch videos on ‘YouTube’ (I’m not kidding... just load the page for him and he’ll browse through the videos he wants... he can spell the names of the cartoons he likes, so he can do a search), lecture me on the harmful effects of smoking and recommend a nicotine patch, and read a story to younger kids (this just happened a few hours ago at my sister’s open house... he faked it though... held a book and told a totally different story that he had memorised from one of his own books). But he will not feed himself for the main course. He’s only ok with side dishes and snacks.

The reason for this is, he is spoiled!

My bad...

I have had this great urge to spoil my son ever since he was born. He will get pretty much everything that he asks for. What makes it easier for me is the fact that he’s so well behaved. He’ll ask nicely... and if I don’t give him something (with a valid excuse, of course), then he won’t throw a tantrum... he might try to bargain (“just one time”), accept the answer (with a cute “ok”), or make a really sad face with the occasional tear (note that it’s ONE tear)... how could you not say yes to that?

I know... it’s not good to spoil your child, but I can’t help myself... I guess it’s how I was raised... you see, my dad spoiled me... he spoils all his kids, but I get extra special treatment. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m his only son...

Now don’t get me wrong... my dad was (and still is) very strict with kids... he’s the scariest person I know. I’m pretty sure my son thinks the same way (he doesn’t really dare to misbehave when I’m around.

Anyway, back to my dad... from the stories my sisters would tell about me, it seems that I was really spoiled as a child... I got away with everything... but then, I turned out to be quite a well behaved kid. I guess it’s the balance between spoiling and being strict.

My dad’s habit of spoiling me didn’t stop when I became a ‘young adult’... when I was doing my degree, my grades were slipping... I was staying on campus and had a bit too much fun... so to punish me and get me back on track, my dad... wait for it... bought me a car...

Errr....

His logic behind it was so I can stay at home and drive to campus... that way he can ‘keep an eye’ on me... yeah right! But amazingly, even though with a car I had a heck of a lot more fun, my grades did improve...

I see a lot of similarities in my dad’s and my parenting style... there’s some weird logic going on there, but it turns out well in the end... I would like to think that I turned out ok... and my son is one of the most well behaved and well rounded kids I know.

Who would have guessed that a person who doesn’t like kids would end up being a very doting father...?

Our Kids

About a week ago, we finished the fasting month and celebrated Eid (or Hari Raya in Malay).  The whole celebration is still ongoing to this day.  It’s a month of celebration after the month of fasting… it’s a good way for me to re-gain the weight I lost over the past two months.   

Since it’s a month of celebration, I should write something cheerful… I plan to, but not today… instead, I’m going to tell you guys about an experience I had during the fasting month… it’s one of those moments that change your perception on life…

During the fasting month, my client organized a trip to an orphanage.  They do this kind of things all the time during the year, but this is the first time that I found the time to join.  

The truth is this was the first time I’ve ever been to an orphanage… I didn’t know what to expect.  I was thinking we would go there, bring some stuff for the kids, give the money they collected from the staff, have dinner with them and go home…

When we got there, the kids looked extremely happy that they had visitors.  They didn’t really notice the supplies that we brought them… they were more interested in us!!  They were shy, but wanted to get as close as possible to the ‘visitors’…

We all sat on the floor while there were some short speeches from the people in charge of the orphanage as well as the organizing committee… I know for a fact that when I sat down, the kids were no where near me… a few minutes into the speeches, I looked down and saw two kids cozying up to me!  One sat to my side and one in front of me… the one in front kept on turning around and smiling every time I looked at him… you can’t help but smile back…

The whole time we were there, the kids wanted to be as close to us as possible… at first I couldn’t figure out why… then it hit me…

I shower my son with hugs and kisses whenever we are together… it’s not limited to just when we are at home… even when we are out shopping, at the movies, etc… and it’s reciprocated by my son… he hugs and kisses me all the time (well, almost all the time… he doesn’t acknowledge me when he’s in front of his friends at school!).

We take this simple act for granted… everyday we get love, affection and attention from our family… both physically and emotionally.  These kids grow up without it. 

Sure they have their caregivers… but there’s one old couple who’s taking care of 20+ orphans of all ages.  I’m pretty sure they can’t get around and give everybody a hug every day…

You go through life putting money into a donation box, never really giving the orphans a second thought… sure they need your financial support to survive physically, but they also need you love and attention to survive emotionally…

These kids don’t have parents, so we should start thinking of them as our kids… it’s not something that’s hard to achieve… make your way to an orphanage, and you’ll understand what I mean.

Fun With Nurses

I was escorted by a nurse into a room where another three were waiting, in their crisp white uniforms. The first nurse tells me to take off all my clothes and put on the comfy robe. I was then told to lie down while two nurses crowded around me and got me into the correct position… one of them told me to relax, take a deep breath, release and hold… then ZAP… X-Ray…

I was having back problems and my doctor ordered some X-Rays of my lumbar area…

I do believe that my body is catching up with my age…

Turns out there’s a minimal reduction of L5/S1 intervertebral disc space… errr… means I’ve got a bad back… according to the doctor, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s too minor to justify a risky surgery… so in other words, I’m going to spend the rest of my life being very careful about my posture and the amount of weight I carry.

I never thought that I would start my 30’s shopping for lumbar support pillows and orthopedic mattresses. I’m supposed to be hanging out at the gym, pumping iron.

I’ve always had this fear of growing old, and this newest medical problem seems to just feed my fear. It’s like I’m aging faster than I’m supposed to. I know it’s ridiculous to start panicking now. But I guess I’m just a bit more dramatic than the average person.

It’s better to look at the good side as well as the bad. I may be getting ‘sicker’ as I grow older, but I’m pretty sure I’m getting wiser. And of course men age like wine… the older the better… right?

So pretty soon, I’ll be a very wise and bald man, with a bad back; but I’ll be irresistible to women… errr… that doesn’t seem right.

I was telling my sister about my ‘predicament’, and how I feel that my 30’s didn’t treat me that well. So she told me about her high school friend that she recently got back in contact with. They haven’t spoken since they went their separate ways after high school, so my sister had no idea what has happened to her friend… it turns out that due to diabetes, she went blind and had her right leg amputated… now her kidneys are failing. So in a matter of 7 years, she went from being a hotel chef to being blind and wheelchair bound, taken care of by her 70 year old mother…

You would think somebody like that would really have given up on life… quite the contrary. According to my sister, she sounded very cheerful and optimistic! She even started writing and had gotten an article published!

As my sister put it, “you think you have problems? Try to beat that!!”

I know I’ve written about thinking positively in life, but once in a while you forget about the advice you give others. It takes a little kick in the ass to make you realize just how good things are…

Real Men Wear White

I hate changing phones. First of all, I don't like spending over a thousand bucks for it. That money could be better put to use somewhere else... secondly, I hate the task of migrating all the numbers and pictures and songs, etc etc from one phone to the next. There's different formats, memory card support, blah blah blah... and last, I hate having to learn to use a new phone.

So, I only change phones when my current one stops working. Unfortunately, that's where my phone was heading... so I bought a new one before the old one totally stops working, taking with it all my precious phone numbers.

You must be wondering why I'm talking about phones... doesn't seem to be my type of topic, right? Where's the tragedy, where's the scandal, where are the funny stories!!??

I'm getting there, lah!

So I was at the mall, and I walk into the phone store... I decided on a very macho phone... had more buttons on it than my laptop... definitely for the tech savvy macho kinda guy...

But then the salesperson tells me that they have a special "White Edition"... instead of black or bronze, it has a white finish, comes a white leather handstrap, white leather pouch, and a matching white bluetooth headset.

My first reaction was "errrrrrr...." Seriously it looked very feminine. And if I was to carry it around, then people would say that I 'play for the other team'...

Now, I have been mistaken for somebody that's 'from the other team' for as long as I can remember. Seems that I'm a bit 'soft'... There has been cases where people say that me being married and having a kid is just a 'cover'...

I guess I have to pretend to be upset to be labelled as 'happy'... it is the social norm, isn't it. Frankly, I don't take it as an insult. All the traits that I seem to have in common with 'happy guys' seem to be good traits. I've been told that I'm soft spoken, I'm polite, I have good table manners, I am a good listener.... I've yet to hear a single insulting thing...

It's amazing how times have changed... a guy who acted like that many years ago would have be called a gentleman. Only the terminology has changed... the effect however remains the same. They get all the girls!!!

I easily get along with girls... it's like they automatically want to tell me their entire life story... there has even been a case where this girl who I've never even met, fell for me after just a few chats on the phone... and I wasn't even trying...

I guess a gentleman can make a girl (or guy... depends on which way you swing) feel important... who wouldn't like that?

A girl may like to have fun with a bad boy, but a gentleman is almost always the guy of choice for a long-term relationship.

You may be thinking "oh great... I'm a bad boy... I'm screwed.." Never fear... it's actually very easy to be a gentleman... a gentleman is basically someone who makes others around him feel comfortable... so just treat them as nice as you would like to be treated... simple, right?

People may think you're gay, but so what? Once they get to know you, they'll definitely think otherwise.

By the way, I did get the "white edition" phone... and it's just fabulous!!! :P

Between Boxes and Sock Drawers

Quite a while back, I watched a short video of a stand-up comedian. He was talking about the differences of a male brain and a female brain. I can't really remember the specific examples, jokes, etc were, but this is the gist of it...

You see, the male brain is made of lots and lots of boxes, with lids. When a guy thinks of something, he puts it into one of those boxes. And when he thinks of something else, it goes into a different box. Now as I said earlier, those boxes have lids. That means the contents of the first box don't ever mix with the contents of the second box.

In other words, a guy compartmentalizes everything. An example would be like so... in box number one, while shopping with his girlfriend, a guy sees a short and tight dress which he thinks is nice... being metrosexual, he gives his opinion about the dress to his girlfriend. Thought finished, close the lid. Later that day, they walk past a gym. He suggests that both he and his girlfriend join the gym. Thought finished, close the lid. Simple, right.

Now lets look at the female brain. The female brain looks pretty much like my sock drawer. Everything is just mixed up in there. You've got a brown sock right beside the blue one. You can find only one red one (why would I have red socks?). Some of the socks match and some don't and of course you've got socks in there which haven't been worn in years because they have lost their elasticity, but are still there because I just didn't want to throw them out (you never know when you might need an emergency pair of socks, even if they are totally unusable).

So, in other words, the female brain is a mixture of everything where you might end up going to work with socks that don't match (ie, unrelated things can end up together).

So let's look back to the example given earlier... when the boyfriend tells her that the dress is nice, she starts thinking... maybe she doesn't dress sexily enough for him... or maybe he's being sarcastic, that all her clothing are too sexy and he doesn't like it... would she even look nice in a dress like that? Is she too fat to fit in it? Maybe she should go on a diet... but wait a minute, why is he picking out dresses for her? Does he think she's an awful dresser? Or maybe he's actually gay, and loves dresses?

This of course goes on until they get to the gym, where the following conversation takes place:

Guy : You know, we should join this gym.

Girl : OMG!! I knew it! You think I'm fat!! You want me to be able to fit into those sexy dresses that you like so much! What!? You think I'm not attractive anymore!!?? Is that it?

Guy : Huh? Errr....

Girl : You don't love me anymore because you I'm fat now, right? That's why you want me to join the gym... because you want me to look better for you... so I won't embarrass you when we go out...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

Girl : You have somebody else don't you? Who is she? Is that why you're working late and don't have time to come see me?? I don't live that far from your place! It's like less than half an hour to get from your place to mine...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

At this point, the guy will take a look at the contents of the first box... nothing there that could shed some light on the situation... he then takes a look in the second box... again, nothing.

As usual, this couple will end up fighting... she'll say something along the lines of "I don't ever want to see you again." He'll buy her flowers. He'll apologize (even though he has no idea what's going on). And after a few days, they'll get back together. The only people who benefit from this are florists...

There are people out there who complain that their partners don't understand them, or even worse, pretend that they don't understand... the fact of the matter is, men and women think differently. You can't force your partner to think the way you do. It's these little differences that we have to learn to accept about our partners. Either that, or start planting your own flowers...

Great Powers

"With great power comes great responsibilities..."

That's from the Spiderman movie, and I suddenly realised that it somewhat applies to me. So am I trying to say that I'm just like Spiderman? Do I look good in blue and red spandex?

Well, sort of...

You see, many years ago, I found out that if I smile a certain way and act all 'cute', I can pretty much get myself into or out of anything (usually it's trouble). And this only works with the fairer sex. Some people call it 'charm' and some call it 'being a weasel'... either way, I benefit from it most of the time.

The latest example happen about a week ago. I needed a letter from the bank. The actual procedure was to submit a form to a branch, and then wait 14 days for them to prepare the letter at their back office and send it back to the branch.

I have a problem with that. My schedule isn't exactly fixed. I may be in Penang or KL on any given day. So the letter might be heading to Penang when I'm on my way to KL. So what I did was I actually went to the back office. It's an actual processing office. They did not have a reception area... people there basically processed stuff for the branches. So I show up, talk to this nice lady, gave her a sad story about my schedule, flashed her a nice smile, acted cute and suddenly the letter was ready for me within 24 hours! That's a 1,400% improvement (I think... my math isn't as good as it used to be).

And it didn't stop there. I had to submit the letter with other stuff to a government agency. By the time I got there, they just closed the reception counter (ie. they didn't issue any new numbers). But me being me, I talked to the nice lady and asked her if she would just issue me a number. She did, of course. But then, I hadn't filled up the necessary forms. So by the time I got to the counter, they were already packing up to go home. It's a good thing there was a nice lady there... well, I think you can figure out what happened.

So now, I've got a question... is it wrong for me misuse my 'talents'? I get preferential treatment compared to other people just because I know how to 'act cute'... that doesn't seem to be fair.

Now how is this any different from attractive people getting their way more often than less attractive people... you use what God gave you.

Of course, there's a limit to everything... it's one thing to get people to keep the counter open for an extra 10 mins... it's another to convince somebody to hand over their entire life savings.

Everybody has their strong points. It's how you use them that defines you as a person... either you're Spiderman, or the Green Goblin...

Sitcom

There’s this cute couple I know… well, actually, I know only half of the couple. I’ve known the girl for about… errr… 12 years… I think… (I try not to dwell on the numbers too much… makes me feel old). But, she’s been telling me so much about this guy that I feel I know him. You guys know that feeling?

It’s like watching a sitcom on tv. After a few seasons, you feel like you know all the characters… they are like your close friends. (I constantly have to remind myself that I DON’T have friends named Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe).

So that’s what it’s like with this guy. Let’s give him a name… I love making up names…

Let’s call him CS, for “Childhood Sweetheart”. ‘Cause she’s known him since school. And of course, the girl has to have a name as well… let’s name her AG, for “Anxiety Girl”. Reason for this will be revealed later.

You see, CS and AG were ‘dating’ when they were in school. Now this was the sweet and innocent kind of relationship. They would mostly meet in class… sometimes go out for fast food… and once in a blue moon, they would hold hands… aaaawwwwwwww…

After high school, they both went separate ways, only to find each other again a few years later. But there was a catch. Both were seeing other people… plus AG had written off the relationship they had earlier as just puppy love.

So they started seeing each other as ‘friends’… now here is where things get complicated. In a sitcom, this would be a season finale. You would then have to wait until next fall before they air the new season premier…

But this is blog, and you should know the whole story in 5 minutes.

You see, CS still has ‘the hots’ for AG… he’s yet to find anybody who would come close to AG. So he tries to rekindle ‘the spark’… but he runs into a problem… CS has got as much spark as a flat AAA battery… and the best thing is, he doesn’t know it…

AG on the other hand does not know how to pick up subtle cues. She is often heard saying “I didn’t see that coming…” And of course, she didn’t. So AG has no idea that CS is still interested in her.

One fine day, CS actually proposes… while having lunch… fried chicken to be exact. Now try to imagine this… two people sitting on the floor of the living room, with a bucket of Original Recipe between them… the guy suddenly says, “let’s get married” in the most monotonous voice you can ever imagine...

AG froze for a few seconds, and then starts rolling on the floor, laughing… she didn’t think he was serious…

Suffice to say, CS has never brought up the topic of marriage with AG ever again.

Now you would think that the story ends there… but the network producers have decided to extend for a few more seasons…

Over the years, CS and AG have gone out several times… always with big gaps between dates… after 15-16 years, all that CS has had the courage to do was give her a peck on the cheek… he obviously still wants her. AG on the other hand has developed stronger feelings of CS…

So they declared their love for each other and lived happily ever after… NOT!!

You see, this is why I treat their relationship as a sitcom… it’s funny and it’s been going on for year… plus, you feel for the characters… AG wants CS to ‘make a move’… but he’s just too scared… probably because she laughed out loud when he proposed… though that was totally his fault.

See… sounds like I’m talking about tv show, right? And I’m just as frustrated watching these two as I was watching Ross and Rachel get together… (for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, what rock have you been living under?)

So I’ve been pushing AG to just make the first move… (I want to see the ending already!!) She’s been reluctant for the last couple of years… she isn’t sure if he actually likes her… she’s afraid that he’s just hanging around because he’s a friend, that sometimes says something nice to her and holds her hand in a soft and tender way… not that he actually likes her in ‘that way’… (now do you know why I call her anxiety girl?)

Then suddenly today, she IM’s him… “let’s get married”…

What’s with the extremes!? Oh well, better than nothing.

Instead of saying “Oh yes AG!! This is a dream come true!! I have been waiting for over a decade!!!”, he pulls a ‘Homer’…

AG : I want to get married. Let’s get married

CS : Yoou waln’t trroo gettt marrrrieddd?? (he panicked)

AG : Yes. Let’s get married

CS : Marriage is good… you know our friend X from school… he’s getting married… he called me up and asked for my address so he can send the invite… just got it.

AG : ???????

CS : Wait, were you joking about the marriage?

AG : …………………

OMG!!! You see!!!??? SITCOM!!

Sometimes in life, you don’t see what you’re doing wrong (or right for that matter). You see everything from only one angle – yours… but if you were to have an aerial view of things, or in this case, an audience’s view, then maybe you might see things differently…

If things don’t seem to be working out for you, ask for a second opinion… doesn’t mean you have to take it, but an outsider’s view helps you reassess yours.

I wonder what happens next season?