Fun With Nurses

I was escorted by a nurse into a room where another three were waiting, in their crisp white uniforms. The first nurse tells me to take off all my clothes and put on the comfy robe. I was then told to lie down while two nurses crowded around me and got me into the correct position… one of them told me to relax, take a deep breath, release and hold… then ZAP… X-Ray…

I was having back problems and my doctor ordered some X-Rays of my lumbar area…

I do believe that my body is catching up with my age…

Turns out there’s a minimal reduction of L5/S1 intervertebral disc space… errr… means I’ve got a bad back… according to the doctor, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s too minor to justify a risky surgery… so in other words, I’m going to spend the rest of my life being very careful about my posture and the amount of weight I carry.

I never thought that I would start my 30’s shopping for lumbar support pillows and orthopedic mattresses. I’m supposed to be hanging out at the gym, pumping iron.

I’ve always had this fear of growing old, and this newest medical problem seems to just feed my fear. It’s like I’m aging faster than I’m supposed to. I know it’s ridiculous to start panicking now. But I guess I’m just a bit more dramatic than the average person.

It’s better to look at the good side as well as the bad. I may be getting ‘sicker’ as I grow older, but I’m pretty sure I’m getting wiser. And of course men age like wine… the older the better… right?

So pretty soon, I’ll be a very wise and bald man, with a bad back; but I’ll be irresistible to women… errr… that doesn’t seem right.

I was telling my sister about my ‘predicament’, and how I feel that my 30’s didn’t treat me that well. So she told me about her high school friend that she recently got back in contact with. They haven’t spoken since they went their separate ways after high school, so my sister had no idea what has happened to her friend… it turns out that due to diabetes, she went blind and had her right leg amputated… now her kidneys are failing. So in a matter of 7 years, she went from being a hotel chef to being blind and wheelchair bound, taken care of by her 70 year old mother…

You would think somebody like that would really have given up on life… quite the contrary. According to my sister, she sounded very cheerful and optimistic! She even started writing and had gotten an article published!

As my sister put it, “you think you have problems? Try to beat that!!”

I know I’ve written about thinking positively in life, but once in a while you forget about the advice you give others. It takes a little kick in the ass to make you realize just how good things are…

Real Men Wear White

I hate changing phones. First of all, I don't like spending over a thousand bucks for it. That money could be better put to use somewhere else... secondly, I hate the task of migrating all the numbers and pictures and songs, etc etc from one phone to the next. There's different formats, memory card support, blah blah blah... and last, I hate having to learn to use a new phone.

So, I only change phones when my current one stops working. Unfortunately, that's where my phone was heading... so I bought a new one before the old one totally stops working, taking with it all my precious phone numbers.

You must be wondering why I'm talking about phones... doesn't seem to be my type of topic, right? Where's the tragedy, where's the scandal, where are the funny stories!!??

I'm getting there, lah!

So I was at the mall, and I walk into the phone store... I decided on a very macho phone... had more buttons on it than my laptop... definitely for the tech savvy macho kinda guy...

But then the salesperson tells me that they have a special "White Edition"... instead of black or bronze, it has a white finish, comes a white leather handstrap, white leather pouch, and a matching white bluetooth headset.

My first reaction was "errrrrrr...." Seriously it looked very feminine. And if I was to carry it around, then people would say that I 'play for the other team'...

Now, I have been mistaken for somebody that's 'from the other team' for as long as I can remember. Seems that I'm a bit 'soft'... There has been cases where people say that me being married and having a kid is just a 'cover'...

I guess I have to pretend to be upset to be labelled as 'happy'... it is the social norm, isn't it. Frankly, I don't take it as an insult. All the traits that I seem to have in common with 'happy guys' seem to be good traits. I've been told that I'm soft spoken, I'm polite, I have good table manners, I am a good listener.... I've yet to hear a single insulting thing...

It's amazing how times have changed... a guy who acted like that many years ago would have be called a gentleman. Only the terminology has changed... the effect however remains the same. They get all the girls!!!

I easily get along with girls... it's like they automatically want to tell me their entire life story... there has even been a case where this girl who I've never even met, fell for me after just a few chats on the phone... and I wasn't even trying...

I guess a gentleman can make a girl (or guy... depends on which way you swing) feel important... who wouldn't like that?

A girl may like to have fun with a bad boy, but a gentleman is almost always the guy of choice for a long-term relationship.

You may be thinking "oh great... I'm a bad boy... I'm screwed.." Never fear... it's actually very easy to be a gentleman... a gentleman is basically someone who makes others around him feel comfortable... so just treat them as nice as you would like to be treated... simple, right?

People may think you're gay, but so what? Once they get to know you, they'll definitely think otherwise.

By the way, I did get the "white edition" phone... and it's just fabulous!!! :P

Between Boxes and Sock Drawers

Quite a while back, I watched a short video of a stand-up comedian. He was talking about the differences of a male brain and a female brain. I can't really remember the specific examples, jokes, etc were, but this is the gist of it...

You see, the male brain is made of lots and lots of boxes, with lids. When a guy thinks of something, he puts it into one of those boxes. And when he thinks of something else, it goes into a different box. Now as I said earlier, those boxes have lids. That means the contents of the first box don't ever mix with the contents of the second box.

In other words, a guy compartmentalizes everything. An example would be like so... in box number one, while shopping with his girlfriend, a guy sees a short and tight dress which he thinks is nice... being metrosexual, he gives his opinion about the dress to his girlfriend. Thought finished, close the lid. Later that day, they walk past a gym. He suggests that both he and his girlfriend join the gym. Thought finished, close the lid. Simple, right.

Now lets look at the female brain. The female brain looks pretty much like my sock drawer. Everything is just mixed up in there. You've got a brown sock right beside the blue one. You can find only one red one (why would I have red socks?). Some of the socks match and some don't and of course you've got socks in there which haven't been worn in years because they have lost their elasticity, but are still there because I just didn't want to throw them out (you never know when you might need an emergency pair of socks, even if they are totally unusable).

So, in other words, the female brain is a mixture of everything where you might end up going to work with socks that don't match (ie, unrelated things can end up together).

So let's look back to the example given earlier... when the boyfriend tells her that the dress is nice, she starts thinking... maybe she doesn't dress sexily enough for him... or maybe he's being sarcastic, that all her clothing are too sexy and he doesn't like it... would she even look nice in a dress like that? Is she too fat to fit in it? Maybe she should go on a diet... but wait a minute, why is he picking out dresses for her? Does he think she's an awful dresser? Or maybe he's actually gay, and loves dresses?

This of course goes on until they get to the gym, where the following conversation takes place:

Guy : You know, we should join this gym.

Girl : OMG!! I knew it! You think I'm fat!! You want me to be able to fit into those sexy dresses that you like so much! What!? You think I'm not attractive anymore!!?? Is that it?

Guy : Huh? Errr....

Girl : You don't love me anymore because you I'm fat now, right? That's why you want me to join the gym... because you want me to look better for you... so I won't embarrass you when we go out...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

Girl : You have somebody else don't you? Who is she? Is that why you're working late and don't have time to come see me?? I don't live that far from your place! It's like less than half an hour to get from your place to mine...

Guy : Huh? Errr...

At this point, the guy will take a look at the contents of the first box... nothing there that could shed some light on the situation... he then takes a look in the second box... again, nothing.

As usual, this couple will end up fighting... she'll say something along the lines of "I don't ever want to see you again." He'll buy her flowers. He'll apologize (even though he has no idea what's going on). And after a few days, they'll get back together. The only people who benefit from this are florists...

There are people out there who complain that their partners don't understand them, or even worse, pretend that they don't understand... the fact of the matter is, men and women think differently. You can't force your partner to think the way you do. It's these little differences that we have to learn to accept about our partners. Either that, or start planting your own flowers...

Great Powers

"With great power comes great responsibilities..."

That's from the Spiderman movie, and I suddenly realised that it somewhat applies to me. So am I trying to say that I'm just like Spiderman? Do I look good in blue and red spandex?

Well, sort of...

You see, many years ago, I found out that if I smile a certain way and act all 'cute', I can pretty much get myself into or out of anything (usually it's trouble). And this only works with the fairer sex. Some people call it 'charm' and some call it 'being a weasel'... either way, I benefit from it most of the time.

The latest example happen about a week ago. I needed a letter from the bank. The actual procedure was to submit a form to a branch, and then wait 14 days for them to prepare the letter at their back office and send it back to the branch.

I have a problem with that. My schedule isn't exactly fixed. I may be in Penang or KL on any given day. So the letter might be heading to Penang when I'm on my way to KL. So what I did was I actually went to the back office. It's an actual processing office. They did not have a reception area... people there basically processed stuff for the branches. So I show up, talk to this nice lady, gave her a sad story about my schedule, flashed her a nice smile, acted cute and suddenly the letter was ready for me within 24 hours! That's a 1,400% improvement (I think... my math isn't as good as it used to be).

And it didn't stop there. I had to submit the letter with other stuff to a government agency. By the time I got there, they just closed the reception counter (ie. they didn't issue any new numbers). But me being me, I talked to the nice lady and asked her if she would just issue me a number. She did, of course. But then, I hadn't filled up the necessary forms. So by the time I got to the counter, they were already packing up to go home. It's a good thing there was a nice lady there... well, I think you can figure out what happened.

So now, I've got a question... is it wrong for me misuse my 'talents'? I get preferential treatment compared to other people just because I know how to 'act cute'... that doesn't seem to be fair.

Now how is this any different from attractive people getting their way more often than less attractive people... you use what God gave you.

Of course, there's a limit to everything... it's one thing to get people to keep the counter open for an extra 10 mins... it's another to convince somebody to hand over their entire life savings.

Everybody has their strong points. It's how you use them that defines you as a person... either you're Spiderman, or the Green Goblin...

Sitcom

There’s this cute couple I know… well, actually, I know only half of the couple. I’ve known the girl for about… errr… 12 years… I think… (I try not to dwell on the numbers too much… makes me feel old). But, she’s been telling me so much about this guy that I feel I know him. You guys know that feeling?

It’s like watching a sitcom on tv. After a few seasons, you feel like you know all the characters… they are like your close friends. (I constantly have to remind myself that I DON’T have friends named Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe).

So that’s what it’s like with this guy. Let’s give him a name… I love making up names…

Let’s call him CS, for “Childhood Sweetheart”. ‘Cause she’s known him since school. And of course, the girl has to have a name as well… let’s name her AG, for “Anxiety Girl”. Reason for this will be revealed later.

You see, CS and AG were ‘dating’ when they were in school. Now this was the sweet and innocent kind of relationship. They would mostly meet in class… sometimes go out for fast food… and once in a blue moon, they would hold hands… aaaawwwwwwww…

After high school, they both went separate ways, only to find each other again a few years later. But there was a catch. Both were seeing other people… plus AG had written off the relationship they had earlier as just puppy love.

So they started seeing each other as ‘friends’… now here is where things get complicated. In a sitcom, this would be a season finale. You would then have to wait until next fall before they air the new season premier…

But this is blog, and you should know the whole story in 5 minutes.

You see, CS still has ‘the hots’ for AG… he’s yet to find anybody who would come close to AG. So he tries to rekindle ‘the spark’… but he runs into a problem… CS has got as much spark as a flat AAA battery… and the best thing is, he doesn’t know it…

AG on the other hand does not know how to pick up subtle cues. She is often heard saying “I didn’t see that coming…” And of course, she didn’t. So AG has no idea that CS is still interested in her.

One fine day, CS actually proposes… while having lunch… fried chicken to be exact. Now try to imagine this… two people sitting on the floor of the living room, with a bucket of Original Recipe between them… the guy suddenly says, “let’s get married” in the most monotonous voice you can ever imagine...

AG froze for a few seconds, and then starts rolling on the floor, laughing… she didn’t think he was serious…

Suffice to say, CS has never brought up the topic of marriage with AG ever again.

Now you would think that the story ends there… but the network producers have decided to extend for a few more seasons…

Over the years, CS and AG have gone out several times… always with big gaps between dates… after 15-16 years, all that CS has had the courage to do was give her a peck on the cheek… he obviously still wants her. AG on the other hand has developed stronger feelings of CS…

So they declared their love for each other and lived happily ever after… NOT!!

You see, this is why I treat their relationship as a sitcom… it’s funny and it’s been going on for year… plus, you feel for the characters… AG wants CS to ‘make a move’… but he’s just too scared… probably because she laughed out loud when he proposed… though that was totally his fault.

See… sounds like I’m talking about tv show, right? And I’m just as frustrated watching these two as I was watching Ross and Rachel get together… (for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, what rock have you been living under?)

So I’ve been pushing AG to just make the first move… (I want to see the ending already!!) She’s been reluctant for the last couple of years… she isn’t sure if he actually likes her… she’s afraid that he’s just hanging around because he’s a friend, that sometimes says something nice to her and holds her hand in a soft and tender way… not that he actually likes her in ‘that way’… (now do you know why I call her anxiety girl?)

Then suddenly today, she IM’s him… “let’s get married”…

What’s with the extremes!? Oh well, better than nothing.

Instead of saying “Oh yes AG!! This is a dream come true!! I have been waiting for over a decade!!!”, he pulls a ‘Homer’…

AG : I want to get married. Let’s get married

CS : Yoou waln’t trroo gettt marrrrieddd?? (he panicked)

AG : Yes. Let’s get married

CS : Marriage is good… you know our friend X from school… he’s getting married… he called me up and asked for my address so he can send the invite… just got it.

AG : ???????

CS : Wait, were you joking about the marriage?

AG : …………………

OMG!!! You see!!!??? SITCOM!!

Sometimes in life, you don’t see what you’re doing wrong (or right for that matter). You see everything from only one angle – yours… but if you were to have an aerial view of things, or in this case, an audience’s view, then maybe you might see things differently…

If things don’t seem to be working out for you, ask for a second opinion… doesn’t mean you have to take it, but an outsider’s view helps you reassess yours.

I wonder what happens next season?

Taking Risks

I was out with a few friends the other night. We went to watch the Brazil-Holland game… just in case you have no idea what I’m talking about, it was the quarter-finals for the World Cup.

Anyway, found out that everybody at the table had bet on Brazil to win the game. After all, it was Brazil… it was a sure thing.

It’s a good thing I didn’t place a bet. Holland came from behind to win it 2-1. So all my friends lost quite a bit of money that night… I should have taken a picture of their faces… priceless.

But you see, they made a choice that had very minimal risk. The Brazilian side was the favourite. In other words, they were supposed to make quite a bit of money that night (they made bets which were larger than their usual amounts).

This right here teaches us a very important lesson in life. There is no such thing as ‘a sure thing’… you can’t predict what the future holds. You can only do your best, and leave the rest to fate.

So where does that leave the concept of ‘taking risks’? Should you go through life playing it safe?

Of course not! Haven’t you been paying attention?

In the example given (why do I sound like a textbook?), it was the safest choice to bet on Brazil. The bookmakers have done their math, and put Brazil as the favourites to win. So placing a bet on Brazil wouldn’t be considered taking a risk at all… a sure thing… and look what happened… I’ve seen funerals which were more cheerful.

We go through every day making countless decisions which pretty much have ‘life or death’ implications…

Do I go to the office today or work from home? – statistics show that there are around 7 million traffic accidents a year in the US alone.

Do I eat at the cafeteria or go out for lunch? – let’s just say I’ve gotten my fair share of food poisoning…

We deal with risks every day, so why stop now (it’s not like you can anyway).

I’ve got a few friends who are making important decisions in the very near future… some are making career changes, some are getting married, and some are taking the risk of staying put. I wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors.

We do the calculations and make an educated ‘guess’ as to what will happen. Even if it’s seems too high risk, the rewards, if successful, would be tremendous.

After all, a sure thing like a Brazil win, doesn’t guarantee anything. So just put it all on the line.

Rockstar

For those that don't know, one of the things that I've been doing while I'm here in Penang is to play in a band... I don't play any musical instruments, so I sing. We're just fooling around most of the time, so don't expect us to play at weddings and stuff like that.

One other thing that I do in the band is I write the songs with Eric (the lead guitarist). He's got about a million songs stuck in his head and we thought it would be fun to put them down on paper... so he composes the song, and I write the lyrics.

I shouldn't quit my day job.

We completed the first song right around when I turned 30... I guess it was one of those things that I wanted to do to 'celebrate' the end of my 20's. It's now in the process of being recorded 'professionally'... that's being done by an actual musician... partly because Eric and I can't afford to buy all the recording equipment. Plus, if we did, we wouldn't know how to use it.

You may wonder why we're recording the song. It's not because we want to be famous rock stars (though that hasn't been crossed off the list yet). It's so we would have proof to our grandkids that we were once young and we were cool!!

Our target is a 'short album'... just a couple of songs. When it's done, you guys are probably gonna hate me because I'll be promoting the 'album' and 'encourage' you guys to buy a copy.

Some of my friends have heard the rough recording of the first song and think it's good... but would anybody buy it, that's a different matter...

Well, as long as my grandkids say "grandpa!? is this you singing on the album? YOU ROCK!!", then I'm okay.

A few hours ago, we were in the jamming studio. We finished the second song. Now, you may have seen how a professional song writer would write a song... with sheet music. That's obviously not how we did it...

There’s just scribbles all over the place on a couple of pieces of paper. Scribbles are an improvement actually. Eric composes the whole song in his head. He doesn’t put anything on paper until it’s the final draft which is distributed among the band.

Whatever it is, I’m going to save these little memories of my ‘youth’… It must be fun to relive those moments for your family once you’re older. I remember how my dad would proudly smile when I asked about a picture of him winning a singing competition. He could even remember what song he sang.

And I remember how proud I was of having such a ‘cool dad’...

When you’re young, you need role models. And the first people you turn to are your parents. If they haven’t accomplished anything significant in life, then that’s probably what you’ll end up planning for… after all, when you’re young, your parents are ‘perfect’ in your eyes.

I would like my son to see me the same way that I saw my dad, my first role model… a person who conquered the ‘rat race’, loves his family dearly, and knows how to live life to the fullest.