I have this friend… (a lot of my blog posts have that line!). I’ve known him for about six years now… he got married about a year ago… the thing about him is that his marriage almost never happened. You see, he and his wife are neither of the same race nor religion.
OMG! Am I about to break my rule about never talking about two sensitive things which are politics and religion?
Well, not really… let me explain.
No matter how we think our society has advanced, a lot of people have a problem with multiracial relationships. The reason is quite simple… we are afraid of what we don’t understand. It’s human nature. It’s easier to assume those that are different from us will make things ‘complicated’…
You may say that you have ‘evolved’ and become a tolerant person in terms of other cultures, but I can bet that you have second thoughts when somebody offers you food that you’ve never seen before (and looks really weird). Admit it, how many of you say “ewwww” when you see somebody eating a bug or something on a documentary?
Now back to my friend… both their families did not agree with their relationship. He told me once that they actually ‘took a step back’ in the relationship, thinking it will never work out.
I’ve been in a multiracial relationship before, so I pretty much understand where he’s coming from. There are objections from the families (though mine didn’t really care, because I’m one of those people who can’t be told to do anything… “just let him be”…), objections from friends, and of course, society at large.
Thank goodness, my friend and his wife stuck to it, and now they are happily married (that’s an oxymoron, if I’ve ever heard one).
To tell you the truth, what I wanted to talk about wasn’t racial tolerance… what I wanted to talk about was why people would get into a relationship, knowing that they will immediately face hardship? In my friend’s case, he knew society would not fully accept it… taking things all the way would be an uphill climb… it was the same with me, but I still ‘took the bull by the horns’, so to speak.
I’m not only talking about this type of relationships… what about those who get into a long distance relationship? I know a few people whose spouses are an 18 hour flight away! And they got married, knowing that would be the case.
I’ve also heard of people who get into a relationship with, and even marry somebody who is terminally ill… now that’s an extreme example of ‘love conquers all’…
That was one hell of an introduction… it’s as long as my normal posts…
Anyway, the whole theme of this post is that sometimes we knowingly walk into a relationship knowing that the odds are stacked against us. Logically, we should walk away… what is the point of going through so much ‘hardship’ if the odds of you succeeding are so low?
Tennyson did say “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Now are we really sure of that? Has he never been through the heartache of laying everything on the line and losing it all?
Well, probably he did and came to this conclusion after fully getting over the loss…
Somehow or rather, I believe that… I believe that love is something worth the risk… you know that you would end up getting burned… after all, there is no such thing as happily ever after… I’m pretty sure Snow White sometimes wishes that she had hooked up with one of the dwarves instead of Prince Charming… so a bit of bad with a lot of good is worth it, right?
Someone once told me that if you really care about someone, you don’t want them to feel hurt in any way… so if taking a risk would lead to that, then it is better not to start anything… better to keep your feelings and emotions bottled inside…
I sort of agree with that… but the problem is the fact that you’re denying not only yourself, but the person you care for, the opportunity to experience love. It’s not to say that it will be the last chance for both of you to experience love… but each opportunity is unique and shouldn’t be passed up.
So what is the conclusion here? Well, I believe we all know that I’m a risk taker… jump first and figure things out later… so you know which way I’m leaning towards…
But it’s all about you… do you believe you can handle the trials and tribulations? If you can, put on some fire-proof underwear and let the good times (and bad times) roll…
How many of you understood the ‘fire-proof underwear’ thing?
Dear Hisyam,
ReplyDeleteYou started with your friend's story but you didn't really tell about their story.. Politic and religious issues? Can't figure out la... What kind of hard time that they had? Please share more can?
Thank you. ^_^
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWell, as I said, both families did not agree with them being together... they thought that because of the racial and religious differences, it would 'too complicated'... they wanted my friend and his wife (gf at the time) to end the relationship.
Which races and religions, well, I prefer not to say as that would be talking about politics and religion... :P
ai... Hisyam. Then at least can you base on the story that you know, touch up a bit, add more romantic scenes to make it an interesting complete story? Like now, only have head and tail but missing body. Hard to swallow la...
ReplyDeleteIf this is a complete story, I think it is convincing to encourage couple to believe in long run relationship but not trial relationship? Not to commit if you are not confident and not to give up if you believe that it works. Love should be simple as that, isn't it?
Everyone starts from baby steps. If you think the person worth for you to put in effort, then please ask yourself what you can give (sacrifice) before you can take. If you are prepared, then just go for it la. Giving up is so easy to happen. But, while you give up, please bear in mind, it is not just yourself who get hurts, but the one that you love also getting the same pain..
Love is the most wonderful element that given by God. Please appreciate it. ^_^
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteHehe... I'll make sure to add a little drama to my next story...
I don't think anybody goes into a 'relationship' on a 'trial' basis will end it at that (I've tried... but that's another story!)... I don't believe in 'love at first sight'... but I believe that if you spend enough time with a person you like, most likely you will end up falling in love... :)
Dear Hisyam,
ReplyDeleteLove at first sight is too dangerous but beautiful. It only happens once in a blue moon, so will fancy about it but I rather to choose someone that reachable. haha..
Love in city starts from loneliness.. Nobody wish that they are the one left behind. even though not trial basis but is on purpose.. How to know he is the one ner?
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou will never know if he/she is "the one"... that's the part of the thrill! ;)
emm... Then this is not fun and tiring as well. Human born to find answers, whenever you found a clue, you discover more confuses. So end up we are racing with answers, never ending cycle. -_-|||
ReplyDeleteWhy can't we have an indicator to tell that this is the one? It is so difficult for two person to be together but we don't even know whether he/she is the one! Yes, challenges can bring up the relationship, but isn't it too much to deal with?
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteActually, science has found an answer to your problems. But it requires you to do something which I doubt you want to do...
Try sniffing your potential candidate... the nicer that person smells to you, the more compatible you are genetically... So, the nicest smelling person is, technically, the ONE! :)
Dear Hisyam,
ReplyDeleteWhy I feel like I can't trust you on this? Do you have the article or link that we can read? Then maybe it is more convincing. ;p
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteReally? You doubt me? :P
http://www.learnbodylanguage.org/pheromones.html
Happy sniffing! ;)