Rockstar

For those that don't know, one of the things that I've been doing while I'm here in Penang is to play in a band... I don't play any musical instruments, so I sing. We're just fooling around most of the time, so don't expect us to play at weddings and stuff like that.

One other thing that I do in the band is I write the songs with Eric (the lead guitarist). He's got about a million songs stuck in his head and we thought it would be fun to put them down on paper... so he composes the song, and I write the lyrics.

I shouldn't quit my day job.

We completed the first song right around when I turned 30... I guess it was one of those things that I wanted to do to 'celebrate' the end of my 20's. It's now in the process of being recorded 'professionally'... that's being done by an actual musician... partly because Eric and I can't afford to buy all the recording equipment. Plus, if we did, we wouldn't know how to use it.

You may wonder why we're recording the song. It's not because we want to be famous rock stars (though that hasn't been crossed off the list yet). It's so we would have proof to our grandkids that we were once young and we were cool!!

Our target is a 'short album'... just a couple of songs. When it's done, you guys are probably gonna hate me because I'll be promoting the 'album' and 'encourage' you guys to buy a copy.

Some of my friends have heard the rough recording of the first song and think it's good... but would anybody buy it, that's a different matter...

Well, as long as my grandkids say "grandpa!? is this you singing on the album? YOU ROCK!!", then I'm okay.

A few hours ago, we were in the jamming studio. We finished the second song. Now, you may have seen how a professional song writer would write a song... with sheet music. That's obviously not how we did it...

There’s just scribbles all over the place on a couple of pieces of paper. Scribbles are an improvement actually. Eric composes the whole song in his head. He doesn’t put anything on paper until it’s the final draft which is distributed among the band.

Whatever it is, I’m going to save these little memories of my ‘youth’… It must be fun to relive those moments for your family once you’re older. I remember how my dad would proudly smile when I asked about a picture of him winning a singing competition. He could even remember what song he sang.

And I remember how proud I was of having such a ‘cool dad’...

When you’re young, you need role models. And the first people you turn to are your parents. If they haven’t accomplished anything significant in life, then that’s probably what you’ll end up planning for… after all, when you’re young, your parents are ‘perfect’ in your eyes.

I would like my son to see me the same way that I saw my dad, my first role model… a person who conquered the ‘rat race’, loves his family dearly, and knows how to live life to the fullest.

Doormat

My son just started kindergarten this year. So he’s beginning to learn how to read. The other day, he was doing his homework and reading it out loud. It was a page of words with the picture depicting the word. So it went a little like this:

C-A-T…. cat
B-A-T…. bat
M-A-T.... alas kaki

You see, there was a picture of a doormat there... and well, I guess my son still hasn’t learned how to read just yet… (For those who don’t know Malay, ‘alas kaki’ means doormat).

Now what does this story have to do with this blog post?

Absolutely nothing.

Well, it’s a cute story… ok, there’s a slight relation to this post… but the doormat I’m referring to is actually the type of person…

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless (just because she’s a doormat, doesn’t mean I have to step on her as well). She has a problem saying no. Now don’t get any ideas… she won’t sleep with you… err… I think. Anyway, no matter how she’s inconvenienced, she will not say no. There was a time when a total stranger came up to her in a bookstore. Chatted with her for a while and asked for her number. She did not want to give it. After all, she was at the bookstore with her boyfriend. It’s kinda inappropriate. Plus, the guy wasn’t ‘interesting’… but, being the doormat that she is, she says ‘ok… it’s 01x-xxx xxxx’. Then runs back to her boyfriend to tell him what happened.

At least she’s honest.

I do believe there’s a limit to being ‘a nice person’. You have to be able to draw your line. I know of several people who have stayed in abusive relationships, both physically and mentally, just because the other person tells them to stay.

I can’t say that it’s easy to break free of being a doormat… I’m one myself… there are just times when I would ‘take one for the team’… kind of funny how it’s always the same person who ‘takes one’.

I guess it’s a self-esteem issue. You’re overcompensating for your so called ‘inadequacies’. By giving in, you feel that the other person will appreciate you more, even with your ‘flaws’… sad isn’t it?

Amazingly, I don’t have any advice to give… I’m a doormat myself. But if you don’t love yourself, why would anybody love you?

T-H-E E-N-D…. dah abis....

Quirks

I’ve got a little problem. Actually, I’ve got about a hundred ‘little problems’. I have little quirks… for example, whenever I’m on the phone; I have this incredible urge to pace back and forth. I do this even when I’m in the office. It’s a good thing I’ve got quite a bit of space right beside my cubicle… and sometimes if there are floor tiles, I’ll follow the pattern of the tile. Thankfully, most floor tiles are square… if they were curved, then I would look like I was drunk…

This is just the tip of the iceberg. You should see the neat little squares that I make from the Fillet-o-Fish wrappers at McDonalds. Friends have noticed this and just wait for me to finish my meal and start laughing when I begin folding…

I think I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I ‘think’ I have it because I’ve never actually gotten tested. There’s something about going to a certified medical practitioner and being told that you have a mental disorder… I doubt it’s going to be happy news. I used to write it of to just habit, but I get really agitated if I don’t do these little things.

So one day, I decided to look up the symptoms… and damn it, I’m as loony as a toon. I suffer from more than half of the symptoms. But I still don’t think I should go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I only have a very mild case of OCD. (When did I graduate from medical school!?)

I’ve learned to live with my ‘quirks’. Though sometimes people do catch me doing weird things… an example would be there are times when I have this sudden urge to say a particular word. I know I’m in a public place, so I start saying it in my head… it goes something like this…

Inner Voice : Apple…apple… apple………appleappleapple…. AAAAAAAAApple… apple… ple ple ple…. PLE !

I then start mouthing the words… sometimes, if I’m unlucky, I accidentally say it out loud… after which I start humming or singing, just to cover up. People sing for no reason, right?

People around me will ask me questions like “why are you so happy?” or “what’s with the singing?”… I just tell them the song is stuck in my head… though, I know they are wondering since when does the lyrics have the word ‘apple’ in it…

I’m not alone though… there are people in my family who ‘suffer’ from the same problem. I won’t mention who they are though, since they might not be better at covering it up and are quite happy with people not knowing about it… I actually have a family member who used to wash her hands non-stop… she would be there at the sink until somebody tells her to stop… it got to a point where the skin on her hands were in really bad shape because of excessive washing. (I guess there is such a thing as ‘too clean’.)

I guess it’s not really that bad… I don’t have the urge to touch every street light as I walk down the street (well, not that often, anyway). But I think these little quirks make me who I am. It adds yet another dimension to my personality. Quite a number of people are entertained by my quirks… so if it doesn’t hurt me, yet brings joy to other normal (and boring) people, then I guess it’s a good thing.

Of course, can’t forget another silver lining to this so called cloud. In some cases, OCD will cause the ‘sufferer’ to have above average intelligence… I’ll just leave it at that…

What I’m trying to say is, be happy with who you are. Society has come up with a lot of ways to classify a person, both good and bad with relation to the ‘norm’. But you have to realize that it doesn’t matter what others say. What’s important is what you think and how you feel about yourself. Look at me… I may have a mental disorder, and I like it. Makes it easier to find happiness this way…

Enuff said… said… said… saidsaidsaid….sa-yed… saaaaaa-yeeeed…