As Tennyson Would Say...

I have this friend… (a lot of my blog posts have that line!). I’ve known him for about six years now… he got married about a year ago… the thing about him is that his marriage almost never happened. You see, he and his wife are neither of the same race nor religion.

OMG! Am I about to break my rule about never talking about two sensitive things which are politics and religion?

Well, not really… let me explain.

No matter how we think our society has advanced, a lot of people have a problem with multiracial relationships. The reason is quite simple… we are afraid of what we don’t understand. It’s human nature. It’s easier to assume those that are different from us will make things ‘complicated’…

You may say that you have ‘evolved’ and become a tolerant person in terms of other cultures, but I can bet that you have second thoughts when somebody offers you food that you’ve never seen before (and looks really weird). Admit it, how many of you say “ewwww” when you see somebody eating a bug or something on a documentary?

Now back to my friend… both their families did not agree with their relationship. He told me once that they actually ‘took a step back’ in the relationship, thinking it will never work out.

I’ve been in a multiracial relationship before, so I pretty much understand where he’s coming from. There are objections from the families (though mine didn’t really care, because I’m one of those people who can’t be told to do anything… “just let him be”…), objections from friends, and of course, society at large.

Thank goodness, my friend and his wife stuck to it, and now they are happily married (that’s an oxymoron, if I’ve ever heard one).

To tell you the truth, what I wanted to talk about wasn’t racial tolerance… what I wanted to talk about was why people would get into a relationship, knowing that they will immediately face hardship? In my friend’s case, he knew society would not fully accept it… taking things all the way would be an uphill climb… it was the same with me, but I still ‘took the bull by the horns’, so to speak.

I’m not only talking about this type of relationships… what about those who get into a long distance relationship? I know a few people whose spouses are an 18 hour flight away! And they got married, knowing that would be the case.

I’ve also heard of people who get into a relationship with, and even marry somebody who is terminally ill… now that’s an extreme example of ‘love conquers all’…

That was one hell of an introduction… it’s as long as my normal posts…

Anyway, the whole theme of this post is that sometimes we knowingly walk into a relationship knowing that the odds are stacked against us. Logically, we should walk away… what is the point of going through so much ‘hardship’ if the odds of you succeeding are so low?

Tennyson did say “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Now are we really sure of that? Has he never been through the heartache of laying everything on the line and losing it all?

Well, probably he did and came to this conclusion after fully getting over the loss…

Somehow or rather, I believe that… I believe that love is something worth the risk… you know that you would end up getting burned… after all, there is no such thing as happily ever after… I’m pretty sure Snow White sometimes wishes that she had hooked up with one of the dwarves instead of Prince Charming… so a bit of bad with a lot of good is worth it, right?

Someone once told me that if you really care about someone, you don’t want them to feel hurt in any way… so if taking a risk would lead to that, then it is better not to start anything… better to keep your feelings and emotions bottled inside…

I sort of agree with that… but the problem is the fact that you’re denying not only yourself, but the person you care for, the opportunity to experience love. It’s not to say that it will be the last chance for both of you to experience love… but each opportunity is unique and shouldn’t be passed up.

So what is the conclusion here? Well, I believe we all know that I’m a risk taker… jump first and figure things out later… so you know which way I’m leaning towards…

But it’s all about you… do you believe you can handle the trials and tribulations? If you can, put on some fire-proof underwear and let the good times (and bad times) roll…

How many of you understood the ‘fire-proof underwear’ thing?

Perseverance

“Our greatest strength is not the ability to keep ourselves from falling, but the ability to rise every time we fall.”

I had a framed poster of that saying in my room when I was doing my degree… so don’t think I can actually come up with such a meaningful quote… my quotes, or as I would like to call them, ‘Syamosophy’, don’t make much sense. I’ll look them up and post it up on the blog… can’t remember them now… (I guess it never caught on until the author doesn’t remember it…)

What was I talking about? Sorry, short attention span…

Oh yes, perseverance… we, as members of the human race have the ability to endure extreme hardship and rise above it. Of course, I can rattle off a few examples from history, but you guys won’t really be able to relate to it… I would give my own personal ‘rebirth of the phoenix’ moment, but I don’t really consider myself as someone who’s really gone through a lot of hardship… what can I say, I’ve had a pampered life…

So I’ll give the most obvious example at this moment, which would be the earthquakes and tsunami in Japan. It’s got to be one of the worst natural disasters in the last few years… the last time it was this bad was probably during the last tsunami.

You would expect the people there to be totally down… give up… considering that a lot of them have lost everything.

I’ve got a few friends and colleagues there. Thank goodness they are all ok. They are not only ok, but in fact, they seem a bit cheerful! One friend was happily updating her facebook status, telling everybody not to worry about her. She even updates us on the rolling blackouts without actually complaining about it.

It takes a lot to remain positive even though you are at probably the lowest point of your life. Remaining positive is one thing, but to pull yourself out of that lowest point takes more than most people are willing to do.

I would like to be considered one of those people that persevere, but I’ve yet to hit rock bottom (and I don’t want to wish it upon myself either). Having a good life means you’ll never really know how you’ll react to a really bad situation. But I do hope that if things do get bad, then I’ll have the ability to be like my friend in Japan, and rebuild everything that I’ve lost…

Our greatest strength is not the ability to keep ourselves from falling, but the ability to make sure nobody saw us fall… it’s just embarrassing – Syamosophy

See, told you my quotes aren’t meaningful…

Dreams

If you haven't figured it out yet, one of my dreams is to be a published author. I would love to see my name on the cover of a book in a bookstore... had nothing to do with being rich, but more of being able to leave my mark on the world by doing something that I love.

It all started when I was around 13 years old, back when I was still living in Toronto. I had always done well in English class, especially when it came to creative writing. I did fine with literature (Shakespeare, poetry, etc), but what I really loved to do was write.

Then one day, the school came up with this special program with a publishing company and one of their authors (I can't remember her name, but we did study her novel in class). It was a writing workshop with the author. During that time, we would all write a short story, it would be compiled, go through editing and then published... I was lucky enough to be selected to participate (who are we kidding, I was good!! That's why I got in!! :P).

So, a bunch of participated in the workshop and submitted our work. Now here's the problem... I never followed up on what the book (compilation of short stories) was called or when it would be published... So technically, I am already a published author... but I don't know what the book is called, or whether it is still on sale. It probably had a very small initial run and now sits in a handful of libraries in Canada.

So much for making my mark, eh?

Ever since then, I've always dreamt on being published (this time I would like to know the title of the book!). I've never really done anything about it. I've written short stories between then and now (on my own, not for school), but never really done anything which would be considered a step forward in realizing my dream.

Until about a year ago, of course, when I started this blog... the blog's secondary purpose was to get my creative juices flowing again... need lots of juice to write a whole book! And now, I've finally bought a laptop, which main purpose is for me to write.

Do you know how much I've written for my book? Nothing.

If you get stuck in the middle of the story, it's called a writer's block. If you get stuck before you even get started, well... you can't even call yourself an author, can you?

As far as making my dreams come true, I truly suck!

There are two types of people in this world... those who work hard to achieve their dreams, and those who only dream... I've been the latter for around almost two decades!!

I've got a friend that gave up his high paying job with an ad agency so he could start his own firm... he gathered his savings, borrowed some money and acted on his dreams... he's almost a 'minor success' now, though the last few years were tough on him... but he keeps on chugging along...

I've got another friend who has a full time job and works very hard at it... she tries to earn as much bonus/incentive at her job... and she's been beefing up her finances so she can one day afford to do what she's always dreamt of... opening a cafe...

I have highly motivated and focused friends, but instead of joining them, what do I do? I complain about writer's block (or more accurately, just 'block') on my blog...

I guess it's time to stop the excuses, and begin with...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....

Wait a minute... that sounds familiar...

A Parent's Love

My parents just came back from their Umrah on Friday. For those who have no idea what Umrah is, well it’s like a mini-pilgrimage… not as big as going for the Hajj, but still requires you to be in Mekah. I don’t claim to be an expert on this topic, so you’ll have to do some googling if you want to learn more. (Notice how ‘to google’ is now a verb?)

Anyway, I was talking to my mom, and she was telling me about her experiences there… she said that she would be ok when saying a little prayer for everybody else, but when she got to me, she would immediately start crying…

My sisters obviously could resist the opportunity with one saying “that’s because he’s got a lot of sins!” and another followed up with “it’s a good thing you only cried instead of getting lightning and thunder!”… heck, even I couldn’t resist and took a shot at myself with “no earthquakes when you said the prayer?”

What’s my point here? Oh yeah… A parent’s love is something which is unwavering even if you’ve been an awful child your whole life… (hold on there… don’t make any crazy conclusions… I wasn’t an awful child my WHOLE life… it’s just a short… errr… phase….)

I feel like I have to explain the whole situation about how I came to be in this world… you see, my parents had two girls before they had me… of course they loved my sisters, but what they really wanted was a boy to ‘complete the collection’… that, and of course a son carries the family line, blah blah blah… all the traditional views on why having a son.

After 12 years, they finally get me… their newest bundle of joy… their hope for carrying on the family line… the future ‘man of the house’… and for obvious reasons, I seem to get special treatment… I wouldn’t really say I’m the favourite (though my sisters all say that). But I’ve got a lot of clout with my parents.

Now, as I’ve said earlier, I haven’t really been a great son. I’ve always been the most ‘wild’ one, though one of my sisters does give me a run for my money (I won’t say which sister since all of them, and their children, read this blog. You know who you are!)

But being ‘naughty’ isn’t really the worse part… it’s the ‘not spending time with my parents’ part. I am the worse at calling my parents to see how they are doing. They are both a quick drive away, but I just don’t see them often enough. This started a long time ago when I went off to university… I just wouldn’t call home and wouldn’t go home often (unless it’s to do my laundry). It got to a point where my dad bought me a car so I can stay at home and drive to class every day (you see, that’s where I get the weird way of ‘punishing’ my son… “Son, you’ve been bad, so here’s a gift! Now behave!”). The ‘habit’ has continued until now…

I can’t come up with an excuse for my behavior… even a bad one. There’s no logical reason for treating my parents the way I do… except the fact that I’m an ass…

So here’s my ‘First Quarter Resolution’… I’m going to spend more time with my parents… I’m going to take time off in a day and give them a phone call… after all, they gave 12 years of their lives praying to get me, and almost 32 years after that praying that I would be a success in my life even when I've been such an ass… what’s a couple of minutes from my so-called busy life to ask them how they are doing.

I know that karma is a bitch and there will probably be a time in my son’s life when he’s going to stop running up to me, hug and kiss me and start to ignore me… he’ll go through the whole ‘not calling’ and ‘not coming home’ phase… and at that time I’ll realize how bad I was to my parents… but I don’t want to reach that stage before I have regrets and do something about it… I already have regrets now, and I want to try to make up for it, while there’s still time (those who have lost their parents know what I’m talking about).

On a lighter note, I do have a younger sister who was born slightly less than 2 years after me. I have a theory that she was unplanned (I’ll avoid using the word ‘mistake’), but nobody would agree with me… do you?

Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

There are some friendships that lasts the test of time. I’ve got friends who I’ve known and hung out with for 14 and even 16 years… and I moved around a lot when I was younger, so that’s quite an accomplishment.

A test of this type of friendship is distance. You lose contact easily if you can’t meet up for a coffee once a week. If the separation is temporary, then it’s easier to reconnect.

I had to go through that when I was staying in Penang for 19 months… friends did call, text, email, IM, etc whenever they had an event they wanted me to attend such as birthday parties, weddings, etc… I did move my travelling schedule around in order to accommodate as many of these events as possible, but I did miss out on a lot.

Of course technology helps us keep in touch… social networks like Facebook lets you keep abreast of all the happenings back home… but seriously, how much bonding could you do from helping out on your friend’s farm? (for those who don’t understand that last part, I’m talking about Farmville… check it out, you’ll be hooked and you’ll hate me for it!)

Fortunately for me, when I came back, it seems that I can pick up where I left off… I guess the friendships I formed here in KL could survive the distance…

It’s now a test for the friendships I’ve formed during my time in Penang. These were close friends that kept me sane during my time alone there, away from home. So far, I feel like those friendships are holding their own… whenever I call my friends there, it seems that we continue talking like nothing has happened and the distance is not there…

However, I have to admit that the friendships there are going to be tested with the fact that it’s going to be a very long time before we hang out together again. I don’t see myself going to Penang in the near future (or even the far future… is that even a proper term?). They all have their lives in Penang and I have mine in KL…

So now you have to accept the new dynamics of the friendship. You have to understand that there will be a big gap, but you will still stay connected. Things obviously won’t be the same… no more hanging out together after work or on weekends… no more going to lunch together and complaining how you’ve run out of places to go to for lunch… no more 4pm cigarette breaks (the management of “Yet Another Decade” would like to state that we do not condone smoking… it does not make you look cool… does not help you make friends and fit in… and does not do whatever great things the ads claim they do…)

Accepting the hard facts would be tough at first… I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t sad to leave my friends in Penang, knowing things were going to change… that last night I was there was a somber occasion as we hung out for the last time… and how often do you see a bunch of guys who formed a band and play rock songs, hug each other and promise to keep in touch and make an effort to visit each other? (Why do I have a feeling my band is going to disown me?)

Missing your faraway friends is not always a bad thing… yes, you’ll get depressed and start reminiscing about the ‘good ole times’… but it shows that the friendship is still alive, and when the opportunity arises and you meet up again, you’ll be able to pick up where you left off…

PS : I would like to wish my good friend Keiko Goto the best of luck in her future endeavors back in Japan. You’ve been a great colleague and a great friend and I’m sure I speak for all of us here when I say that we will definitely miss you.