Settling

Imagine this… you walk into a store to buy a tv. You like brand A because it has features 1, 2 and 3… however it lacks features 4 and 5 which is available in brand B. Of course, there is no way to put both tv’s into a blender to get the perfect product… so you buy brand A because it meets most of your requirements… you convince yourself that you can live without feature 4 and 5… but how long can you live like that?

Okay, so features of a tv aren’t something that you would lose sleep over (unless you’re like me, with a slight case of OCD… if you have no idea what I’m talking about, read may past post called ‘Quirks’)… but the concept can be applied to your most important decisions, such as committing to a relationship, changing jobs, buying property, and so on…

I have this friend (my friends are interesting, aren’t they?)… she will be getting married this year. It will be her second marriage. I noticed that she wasn’t really excited about the wedding… in fact, she hasn’t made any preparations even though the wedding will be in less than a year… no dress fittings, no picking out of invitation cards… Just a firm date.

So I asked her why… according to her, it doesn’t really matter to her… plus she isn’t in love with the guy like she was with her first husband…

Now that threw me off… how could you marry somebody that you don’t really fully love? So, I pressed her for an explanation (I press people for explanations now? I’m starting to sound like a documentary).

She says that the guy meets ‘most’ of her criterion… he’s kind, he treats her well, he loves her like crazy, he’s good looking, blah blah blah… only thing lacking is the fact that she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her… oh yeah, and he’s not as tall as she would like him to be…

You would think that ‘lack of love’ would be a deal breaker for almost everybody, but not for my friend… she is willing to settle for this guy instead of waiting for a guy that she ‘really really loves’ but would then break her heart (her first husband comes to mind).

The general populace might not agree with the whole concept of ‘settling’ but we all do it in some shape or form… how many times have I heard my friends complain about their job, but never take an initiative to find a new one because the current one has great pay and benefits… and what about those who stay in really stressful relationships because they really love the person and that’s enough for them.

We do compromise on our demands because it’s almost never possible to get exactly what you want. How much you want to compromise though is the key… how much would it take for you not to lose sleep at night?

For me, I couldn’t do what my friend is doing… I’m not sure whether I’m not strong enough or I’m just too overly optimistic about having a fairy tale life. But whatever it is, I do wish my friend the best of luck and love in her upcoming marriage… you never know, fairy tales do come true…

So which tv should I buy?

Hantu

My security guard stopped my car to tell me that he saw a ghost in my house at 2am a few nights ago. Description of the ghost "Pakai baju putih, rambut panjang, lawaaa....abang berkenan, kalau ada bomoh, abang nak suruh tangkap, abang nak buat kawan, tapi hantu tu cepat terus hilang".

Few nights ago, i did have a bit too much coffee and was washing my mug when a guard walked past my window. Immediately ducked because my baju was a bit too revealing :p

Now should i be flattered that he said 'hantu tu lawaa', or very insulted that he likened me to a ghost? LOL! Guess i'm in urgent need of a makeover :D

Dad

I wrote this in January 2007...

Lost my dad at a very early age. I was 24.
No fair, I thought.
Left with my mum and a brother who was only 12. The world turned dark. Who’s going to take care of us? Mum’s not independent, she depends on me. Who do I turn to?
Will my brother remember my dad?
When other people who are a lot older than me were still fooling around without a care in the world, I had to sort out things with the lawyer, banks, house and car mortgages, land office, inheritance arrangements etc. I mean, not many 24 year olds you know have to deal with all that. I wasn’t even working yet. Who’s going to tell me if I was wrong, to seek advice from or to just help me understand. No man in the family.
It would be fair, at least, if I was working, or married, or have an elder brother. But no, it was just me.
No fair.
Someone complained of having to deal with her dad not being understanding of her relationship with her boyfriend that she wants to marry. My dad won’t be around when I get married.
Or see my children.
No fair.
My friend’s dad still has his mother with him. My 50 year old uncles and aunties still have both my grandparents and complain about giving grandpa a bath.
I had to pour rose water over dad’s grave.
No fair.
A friend complained about having to pick up her dad from the workshop. I had to go pick up dad’s tombstone.
Heart broken. Soul, spirit, confidence, belief, strength, faith, life, all broken.
No fair.
But,
When you lose that someone that you have depended on for so long, it automatically entails growing up. Mum, through her tears and fears, said life has to go on. True.
Somebody else said, “kita semua dipinjamkan saja ke dunia ni, sampai masa kembali ke asalnya”.
God entrusted to us the people we love to care and appreciate, and to learn from.
Now that I’ve learned to make peace with it, I’ve realized that it is fair.
He gave me 24 years to be with dad.
He was there when I was born, when I learned how to spell, and drew my first picture on the kitchen table, on my first day of school, when I got my first tooth extracted, when I fell down and hurt my knee, take me to the library every week, attend my prize giving ceremony and my graduation, bought me my first car.
Someone else probably didn’t even know their dad.
It is fair.
Dad was very strict and very much feared especially when it comes to my studies, he would throw my report card on the floor when my grades were bad. He forced me to learn the equation with a long wooden ruler until I got all of it right. I cried and was extremely mad at him for being so garang. He made me read the New Straits Times, National Geographics, the Britannica Encyclopedia, Inside the Human Body and even Newsweek in Primary School. No Malay comic magazines like what my other friends in school read. He didn’t even like it when I spend time drawing. His way might be the very rigid and regimented ‘old-school style’. Would definitely incur obvious displeasure and smirks from people of this generation. Nevertheless, if I could turn back time, I wouln’t have it any other way.
His way made me a stronger person.
It is fair.
I got to be with dad during his final moments. I was at his bedside. Someone else probably didn’t even get to say goodbye.
I got to tell him how much I love him. I got to thank him for all he’s done for me, mum and brother. We all got to tell him that.
It is fair.
Even when he was sick, I got the chance to take care of him. Stopped school, fed him food, tried to understand what he was saying, word by word, clipped his nails, shaved his beard, helped him shower, drive him places, accompanied him to the hospital, helped with physiotherapy and speech therapy etc. All these brought me and dad closer than ever before. We learned to love each other more.
Sometimes I want to call dad, but I know that he won’t be there. I want to look into his eyes, and see him looking back. I know that I’ll never get to do that, but at least I remember how his eyes looked like.
I think of dad more now, I have forgiven his mistakes, appreciate him more.
I had a dad. I still have him with me. In my heart.
It is fair.

Two Heads are Better than One...

I've decided to add another author to this blog. My "BFF"...

They say two heads are better than one... we'll try to prove this theory wrong!

Introducing...

Investments

I had an interesting conversation with a friend a few days ago. She was complaining about how her boyfriend/future husband was sneaking around behind her back and… wait for it… playing pool with his friends! The nerve of that guy!!!

Before we continue with this story, I would like to give nicknames to the two characters… makes it easier for me to tell the story… let’s call my friend QC for “queen control” and the boyfriend PW for “pussy whipped”. Sorry, I couldn’t think of anything nicer.

Anyway, QC wanted PW to stay home every day… it’s part of his ‘training’ in becoming her husband. After all, she has to protect her ‘investment’. Everytime PW went out, QC would call him every 20 minutes, checking on her investment, of course. She then started calling his friends, just to make sure PW was actually there…

So in his frustration, PW would start lying! He would tell QC he was already tired and going to sleep... then he would go out to play pool with his friends. Amazingly, QC did not trust PW, and called him to make sure he was asleep… PW, being the loyal boyfriend that he is, would answer the phone and tell her that he was out playing pool.

This has led them to many fights… one side is worried that she is going to lose her ‘investment’… the other, well, he was just bored of being told to stay home (at his parent’s place) and do absolutely nothing.

My question to QC was ‘since when is a relationship and investment’? Yes, you put in all your time, effort, loyalty and heart into a relationship… but it’s not so you can get a certain percentage (usually 110% comes to mind) in return. You do it because you want to. You do it because giving your all makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. To love someone is a reward in itself, even if the love is not returned…

Don’t believe me? Well, have you ever had a crush on someone? Just being near that person makes your heart beat a little faster. You may be smooth with everybody else, but with that person, you’re a total mess. You think about that person night and day, smiling like an idiot. All this, and that person doesn’t even know how you feel…

When we get into a relationship however, nothing is ever enough. We start having expectations of how that person is supposed to love us back in return. Not answering your call on the first ring is already a sign of betrayal. Coming home late from work is a sin. God forbid the person ever talks to anybody else!

A relationship is not like savings bonds, where your profits in your investments are guaranteed. (By the way, is that how savings bonds are like? I’m not exactly an expert on investment instruments). It’s more like putting your money in at a casino. The risks are extremely high, with absolutely no guarantee of return. You enjoy every single moment, living life to the fullest. In the end, you might end up broke or a millionaire (though like love, most people end up losing). But then, the next time around you put your bets down and let the good times roll…

Did I just liken being in a relationship to gambling? If that’s the case, I’ll have to enroll in RA (relationships anonymous)!

Overconfidence

I have a problem... I'm forgetful....

Do you know that I've been staring at the screen for the past 45 minutes, trying to remember what it was I wanted to write about. You see, for the past two months, I've been neglecting my civic duty of entertaining my three loyal readers (yes, I have only three confirmed regular readers of this blog... the rest of you people just drop in whenever you feel like it...)

Anyway, during those two months, I've done and seen amazing, wonderful, exciting, and down right silly things... most of which, I want to write about. I've started to build thought webs in my head, mapping out how the blog posts would be like...

Unfortunately, I'm forgetful... and the only thing left in my head are not thought webs, but cobwebs instead...

So let's just say, I did put pen to paper (or in this case, finger to keyboard), and you all were entertained... Use your imagination, now...

I did have a point to this... let's see if I could remember...

Lame joke, eh? I had a good one, but I forgot what it was.... :P

Anyway... I know I have this memory problem... I am bad with details, names, faces... important things in my line of work (my day job), as well as this 'amateur writer' thing... and I'm supposed to write stuff down...

I have at my disposal :

1 leather bound organizer, complete with sections for dates, notes, contacts, etc

2 spiral bound notebooks (which I usually take to meetings)

1 notepad

1 post-it notepad

2 smart phones which can do all sorts of things which I haven't figured out yet

1 'bushel' (not sure on the unit of measurement here...) of friends that I can tell important info to so they can help remind me...

BUT, I use none of these... except for during work, when I use one of the spiral bound notebooks... (the boss is watching... can't just stand there twiddling my thumbs!)

Do you know why I don't use these things? Because I'm confident that I'll remember...

And this, my avid readers, brings us to the topic of discussion on this warm February night... overconfidence.

To me, overconfidence is something like misplaced optimism... Now, I'm one of those 'glass half full' guys... I believe, even without the necessary knowledge and resources, I will somehow pull through with the required results...

It has worked numerous times in the past... for example, I managed to graduate even though I hardly studied (or even showed up for class) during my undergrad days... Up to this day, the fact that I graduated with a bachelor's degree still baffles me (no it doesn't... I'm just brilliant! ;)...

Now let's look at the real facts of life... I've got a memory problem... I don't write important stuff down... every time I have to remember something, I'm confident with the fact that I'll remember it later when I need to use it... obviously I forget... And the cycle repeats itself over and over again...

Einstein once said "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"... the man's got a point...

I'm not saying you shouldn't be confident with whatever you're doing... you just have to be well prepared... make sure your confidence level is well justified.

A winning effort begins with preparation - Joe Gibbs

Let's Get It Started (Or Re-started)

Ok ok.... I know... I've been very disappointing. I should have updated my blog...

Now, this time I've got a very good excuse... I didn't have a laptop... for my next assignment, I am not required to be mobile, so I use a desktop. my personal laptop is about a million years old, and doesn't boot anymore. And I don't feel like blogging at work (can't concentrate with all the work I have to do...).

A lot has happened during this time... I can't remember most of it because I've been so darn busy and everything turns into a blur...

But I do promise to write more often now... because... jeng jeng jeng...

I got myself a new laptop!!

I've been wanting to get one because I have a mission this year.... my new year's resolution (obviously it's not to "stop procrastinating" because took me almost 2 months to even buy the laptop...)... errr... where was I?

Oh yeah... I'm going to start writing my book...

For those who don't know, I have always wanted to be an author... I started small with this blog... it's kinda like my training method...

So this year, I'm going to actually start with the book. I didn't say I would finish the book, just start it.

And to do it, I need a laptop...

You may be asking, "why RED!?"

Well, because it matches my lighter!! The laptop doesn't come in white... shame, cause I would have gotten it and have it match my phone...

As you can see from today's post, there's absolutely no lesson to be learned, which is quite rare for my blog posts... but give me a break... I want to fill the world wide web with absolute nonsense, too!!