Watch out Slash!

I look good holding a guitar... at least that's what people say. But I never got around to learning how to play the guitar. It looked just too difficult... or I'm just too lazy. Depends on when you ask me why I haven't started learning.

A couple of months ago, after many months of procrastinating, I decided to go out and buy a guitar... after all, I have a lot of 'alone' time in Penang (for those that who actually know me, yes, I'm still working on the same project, far far away from home).

Anyway, I was in Kedah a few weeks ago, visiting a friend in his hometown, and decided that it was the day I took the next step. Bought myself the cheapest acoustic guitar available, a chord book and a guitar pick. The friend I was visiting is actually the lead guitarist in the band that I'm in. So he circled a few chords in the book that I should begin with gave me some tips.

He also played the guitar I chose a bit to make sure it sounded alright. And that, ladies and gentleman was the last time music was ever produced by that instrument.

I got home, and started practicing. And I sound really bad.

I was afraid that I would quit half way. There were several reasons for this. First of all, it's really hard. Second of all, it's really painful. (This is starting to sound like a marriage!).

Somebody once told me... if you want to make sure you don't quit half way, you tell EVERYBODY what you're doing. That way, there's a little part of you that would not let you quit in order to avoid embarrassment. A lot of people are quitters... but none of them want people to know that fact.

So I started telling everybody that I was learning to play the guitar. Even promised people with a performance. Set dates to when I'll be able to play a song.

Now, I can't back out! Quitting is no longer an option.

After about 5 weeks, I know where some of the chords are... but I'm still slow in moving from chord to chord. If I can't move from chord to chord, then I can't play any songs... I'm just... well... playing chords...

I practice almost everyday... C... D... G... Em... Am... E... F... chord to chord... I'm pretty sure my neighbors are ready to shoot me by now.

In learning to play the guitar, I realized something about myself. Part of my persistence is due to the fact that I want to avoid shame. I've already told everybody that I'm learning to play the guitar... it's too late...

Is that what it takes for me to get of my butt? Don't I have any self motivation to better myself anymore?

I used to do new things 'just for the hell of it'. I got on stage in front of 5,000 people and sang, just for the hell of it. I joined a long distance run, just for the hell of it. I volunteered to do presentations at work, just for the hell of it.

Now it's 'to hell with it'.

My 30th year on this planet hasn't been as exciting as my previous 29. I had a bad feeling about turning 30, and it's starting to come true.

Have to stop this slide... have to start living life again... just for the hell of it.